Category: death

Giving permission to die

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 08 November 2023
Photo by author, National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, Valenzuela City, 06 November 2023.

A very dear friend died last October 16 after more than three years of fighting cancer. She used to be one of our elementary teachers at the school I was first assigned after ordination. She later resigned to teach abroad but every year whenever she was home for summer vacation, she always invited me to join their mini-reunions of former co-teachers.

Everything changed in 2020 when she had to retire early to return home for her cancer treatment. We could not visit her during the pandemic lockdown, occasionally meeting her via zoom and video phone calls. When COVID subsided a little in late 2021 and early 2022, we finally met briefly. She seemed to be responding well to her chemotherapy except that she had lost hair that was natural. Last December, we were finally able to go out with other fellow co-teachers twice after Christmas and after New Year’s day last January. We were so glad she had regained weight and strength. And hair too!

Saw her again last June but in late August, she stopped answering our messages. It turned out that her cancer had metastasized to her lungs and liver. When I came to see her October 7, the first thing she told me was for me to “allow her to die”. According to her brothers and elder sister, she had also asked them for “permission to die” earlier that night because she said, she was already tired and was ready to go back to God.

Photo by author, National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, Valenzuela City, 06 November 2023.

It was not the first time somebody had asked me a “permission to die”, especially since I have become a hospital chaplain two years ago. But, I must confess, in all instances, there was always hesitancy on my part in giving “permission to die” especially when those dying are close to me like friends and relatives. In fact, the first person who asked me “permission to die” was my best friend from high school seminary. I just cried, said nothing when he calmly told me he was ready to go.

That scene remains vivid to my memory to this day, including the many lessons he had taught about life and dying.

By the way, let me put it clear that what we are referring here as giving “permission to die” is allowing death take its natural course, not mercy killing or euthanasia which is intrinsically evil we should never allow.

In my 25 years in the priesthood, two years as hospital chaplain since 2021, I have always felt the process of dying as a “grace-filled moment” too like in the birth of an infant or recovery of a sick person. Both the dying and their family and friends are blessed when death approaches or had come, like when Jesus visited Martha and Mary four days after the death of their brother Lazarus. That scene of Jesus speaking to Martha before bringing Lazarus back to life assures us of how God had turned death into a blessing in Christ: Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (Jn. 11:25-26)

Photo by author, National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, Valenzuela City, 06 November 2023.

If we believe Jesus and his words to Martha, we too shall find him coming to us when a beloved is dying, especially when they ask us that “permission to die” which is not actually a permission per se because only God decides when we are going to die.

When patients ask for “permission to die”, they are actually bidding us goodbye. Dying people always knew when they had to go because they have already accepted the reality. This is very noticeable at the serenity, even of joy, on their face. Despite their sickness, dying patients who have truly made peace with God and had given up everything to Him always have that grace of composure like Jesus when he died on the Cross, crying his same prayer, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit” (Lk.23:46).

Photo by author, National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, Valenzuela City, September 2021.

Giving “permission to die” is a grace from God He gives to relatives and friends to accept and embrace that difficult reality.

“Permitting” our loved ones to die is to assure them of our love and forgiveness of their sins against us. It is our final act of love for them when we assist them to that great passageway onto eternity like when we would lead our guests out to the door to ensure them our separation is just temporary until we meet again soon.

Due to this great amount of love in our final goodbyes, some people sometimes “fake” their dying moments, creating a “drama” in asking “permission to die” when actually, they are not yet ready to die but merely demanding love and care from family and friends. One clear sign is they tend to be more cerebral than cordial, becoming bitter and angry than ever. Even amid sufferings, they think more of themselves than feel others around them. Like the boy who cried wolf, they have not yet really seen death approaching because most likely, they have not yet faced life and living truly. Coming to terms with death is coming to terms with life. When loved ones “fake” their dying, what they really seek is how to live fully and responsibly, to be their true self. But that’s a different topic…

Photo by author, Malagos Orchid Farm, Davao City, 2017.

Death is the most terrifying moment in life because we do not know what’s next, where we are going. That is why, when people truly mean that they have accepted death, that is also when they have accepted life in its fullness. They do not reason out. They just feel God and those around them. Most of all, they have peace within amid pains.

The same thing happens with us relatives and friends of the dying. We feel their sense of peace within, affecting us, infecting us. Hence, we get lost at how to express our giving them of that permission to die. Very often, we cry because our hearts overflow with love. When we feel their seeking of permission to die is genuine, our mouths and tongues are shut, incapable of expressing our love for them that is diverted into our eyes as tears, bursting forth like waters from a collapsed dam that cleanse also us of our fears and sadness at our impending loss.

Finally, giving permission to die to our beloved is an expression of our faith in God, affirming we all came from God and would someday go home to God in heaven. Thus, giving permission to die is actually to comfort – literally, “to give strength to” – the dying of their faith in God while facing their final tests and temptations in life, assuring them that soon, we shall join them in eternal joy.

Many times, our family and friends suffer so much before death because of our refusal to let them go too. We keep on holding them back that terrify them in making the great crossover. Giving them permission to die is easing and sharing their fears so they can finally let go and let God, that is, die – the meaning of the letter “d” that stands between the words “go” and “God”. According to the prayer by St. Francis of Assisi, it is in dying when we are born into eternal life. Amen.

*Aside from All Saints’ Day and All Souls Day, the whole month of November is a traditional time for visiting the graves of our loved ones. Go and offer them prayers, especially that “permission to die” if you are still holding them and have not yet let them go.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Patapos

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-06 ng Nobyembre 2023
Larawan kuha ng may akda, bahagi ng Tarlac sa Central Luzon Link Expressway, 19 Hulyo 2023.
Natitiyak ko kay dami
ninyong kuwento sa araw na ito
matapos ang mahabang
"long weekend";
mula halalan 
hanggang Undas
inyong pinag-uusapan,
magagandang tanawin 
at pasyalang pinuntahan,
masasarap at malinamnam
na pagkaing natikman
habang binabalik-balikan
mga alaala
at gunita kapiling
mga minamahal natin.
Nguni't 
hindi ba ninyo napansin
bakit kay huhusay natin
kapag mga bagay-bagay
ay papatapos
at magwawakas na rin?
Kung kailan patapos
na bakasyon, 
ibig mo ay extension 
dahil saka pa lamang
nararamdaman ang samahan;
kay hirap magpaalam
inaasam oras ay madagdagan
kahit kaunting sandali lang
huwag nang tigilan
kuwentuhan at tawanan;
kung kailan uwian na
saka matatagpuan 
maganda at bagong
tanawin, pakiramdam
laging bitin.
Ngunit kung tutuusin,
buhay ay laging bitin
lahat ay paulit-ulit
na simulain dahil
walang natatapos
walang nagwawakas din.
Alalahanin turo
ng matatanda sa atin
huwag magsasalita
ng tapos dahil kung ating
susuriin, sa pag-alis
at paglisan natin,
tayo ma'y dumarating;
maging sa kamatayan
pananaw nati'y hindi wakas
kungdi simula ng buhay 
na walang hanggan
kaya naman kapag mayroong
pumanaw, mga huling araw
nila ay puro habilin,
buhay ay kay husay.
Kaya alalahanin
bagaman ang wakas ay
nagbabadya palagi,
pagbutihin bawat sandali
upang sa bawat katapusan
mabakas mas magandang bukas!
Larawan kuha ng may-akda mula sa OLFU-Quezon City, Enero 2023.

Our hallowed hiddenness

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 31 October 2023

Whether you choose to celebrate Halloween in its truest sense which is the Christian and sacred celebration of All Saints or, the popular and pagan manner that is scary or spooky, November first reminds us always of things that are hidden and not seen.

What is really scary whenever November first approaches is the insistence of so many benighted souls including many Christians who highlight the erroneous pagan practice of dressing evil when halloween literally means “hallowed eve” or “holy evening” before the day set aside for all “holy souls” already in heaven we call “saints”. Any soul who enters heaven is considered a “saint”, that is, holy even if not recognized or canonized by the Church.

Remember the old Our Father translation when we used to say “Hallowed be thy name”? That’s it! Hallowed is the old English for holy. Where people got that idea of halloween as evil is clearly from the devil! And part of that sinister ploy by the devil in making evil funny and acceptable – and visible – is happening in the social media where everything must be seen, shown and exposed. Notice the expression “as seen on TV” to sell and market products while Facebook users brag their rule of thumb “show pictures or it never happened”.

Not everything can be seen and must be seen and shown. Recall how Genesis portrayed Adam and Eve hiding in shame, covering themselves with leaves after eating the forbidden fruit but these days, which could be the second phase of the Fall, men and women are not ashamed at all of their sins and scandals that instead of hiding, they make known to everyone deeds better kept in private, saying words better kept unsaid. They have absolutized the truth, baring all in total disregard of persons’ dignity and unity of the community. We have lost decency because we have also lost our sense of hiddenness, of privacy through silence and stillness.

Photo by author, sunrise at the Pacific from Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort in Infanta, Quezon, 04 March 2023.

Hiddenness is a sacred presence where each of us can be all by one’s self focused on God who is the root of our being and existence no matter how one may call Him.  St. John Paul II said in one of his writings that God created man first to be alone with Him.  And that is how it will be to each of us in the end: we die alone. With God.

We all have this gift of hiddenness within each one of us. This we experience in our desires to be still, to go to the mountains or anywhere for a retreat or introspection, for some “me” time to rediscover and find one’s self anew. 

Hiddenness is the passageway to the great gifts of silence and stillness that everyone needs to maintain balance in this highly competitive world filled with so much noise where everybody is talking, including cars and elevators.  Compounding the problem of noise within and outside us are the cameras everywhere that entertain us and safeguard our well-being. But, are we really safer these days with all the CCTV’s and Face ID’s we use?

From forbes.com.

Many times, we have actually stripped ourselves of the innate mystery of being human, of the beauty and gift of personhood that some have tried to reveal using the camera but failed because we are beyond seeing. We do not notice how the cameras actually rob us of respect when unconsciously we give ourselves away to the world with our photos and videos spreading far without our knowing. Worst, we have allowed the camera to invade our hiddenness without us realizing that its effects backfire to us as we rarely have the time to analyze the possible outcomes of our photos and videos that usually tend to show what is negative and bad than what is positive and good about us. Our fascination with cameras perfectly capture our Filipino term palabas that literally means “outward”, a mere show without substance inside (loob). As a result of these sounds and images saturating us daily, the more we have become confused and lost because we do not have our grounding or “bearing” found only in hiddenness.

“In our society we are inclined to avoid hiddenness. We want to be seen and acknowledged. We want to be useful to others and influence the course of events. But as we become visible and popular, we quickly grow dependent on people and their responses and easily lose touch with God, the true source of our being. Hiddenness is the place of purification. In hiddenness we find our true selves.”

Fr. Henri Nouwen
Photo by author, Anvaya Cove in Morong, Bataan, July 2023.

We need to regain our hallowed hiddenness if we wish to grow and mature truly as persons – emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.  With the phone and TV always around us even in the church, everybody and everything has become so ordinary and cheap. 

Regaining our hiddenness is learning to put our technology in its proper place to be grounded in God in silence, the one commodity that has become so scarce these days since the invention of the Sony Walkman more than 40 years ago that spawned all these gadgets all over us now.

Silence is the language of God which leads us to Him and to our true selves. Every communication by God is always preceded by silence, something we have refused to learn as the most basic requirement of every communication. No wonder, we quarrel a lot, ending up more confused than ever because we never listen to others in silence. We never dialogue but simply talk, talk, and talk.

Genesis tells us in the beginning when God created everything, there was silence before He said, “Let there be light” while the fourth gospel solemnly tells us, “In the beginning was the Word… And the Word became flesh” (Jn.1:1, 14). Both instances evoke the beauty and majesty of God in grand silence.

All books in the Old Testament especially those of Psalms and of Job teem with many instances of God in silence amid every sunrise and sunset, in the gentle breeze and vast skies and oceans. In the New Testament, all four evangelists reported nothing Jesus said and did in childhood until the age 30 except for his lost and finding in the temple when 12 years old; Jesus was totally silent all those “hidden years” of his life in preparation for his ministry that lasted only three years, accomplishing so much whereas we speak all our lives and still end up empty. Most of all, the evangelists tell us too how Jesus frequently invited his disciples to a deserted place to pray, be silent and rest to be in communion with God his Father.

Hiddenness is God’s mode of presence that cannot be captured nor described in human terms. That is why He is hidden. It is not that God is hiding from us but He is inviting us to be intimately close with Him to exclusively and personally experience Him, be filled with Him.

Photo by Ms. Jo Villafuerte in Atok, Benguet, 01 September 2019.

It was the same thing Jesus did on Easter, remaining hidden from the disciples. When he finally appeared to Mary Magdalene who tried to touch him, Jesus stopped her to signal to her and to us all of the new level of relating with the Risen Lord in hiddenness. In all Easter stories, we are told how the disciples fell silent whenever Jesus appeared to them. In Emmaus, after the breaking of bread, the two disciples finally recognized Jesus who immediately vanished too! Why? Because Jesus wanted his disciples including us today to follow him personally in his hiddenness to find him and ourselves too.

Appearances or images and noise in life are very fleeting. Very often, the most significant moments and insights we have in life are those that come from our long periods of silence, of prayers and soul-searching.

This November 1 and 2 as we remember all those who have left us in this world, let us keep its sacred origins:  All Saints Day for those souls already in heaven and All Souls’ Day for those who have departed but still being purified in the purgatory.  Both dates invite us to “hide” in prayers, in silent remembering to experience God and our departed loved ones in the most intimate and personal manner without the gadgets and things that numb us of their presence. Amen. Have a blessed All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days!

Lamay, Ramay

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-12 ng Setyembre 2023
Larawan kuha ni G. Cristian Pasion, Bihilya ng Pasko ng Pagkabuhay 2022, Pambansang

Noong bata ako buong akala ko ang paglalamay at pakikiramay ay iisa. Alalaong-baga, kapag may lamayan, mayroong namatay at paraan iyon ng pakikiramay. E hindi pala ganun!

Sa aking pagtanda at pagkamulat sa wika, higit sa lahat sa buhay na palaging kaakibat pagkamulat din sa kamatayan, napagtanto ko na bagaman magkaiba ang lamay at ramay, malalim at matalik ang ugnayan ng dalawang kataga.

Ang paglalamay ay pagpupuyat, tulad ng pagsusunog ng kilay o pag-aaral sa gabi. Maari din itong hindi pagtulog sa magdamag upang matapos ang isang proyekto at gawain. Naglalamay din bilang bahagi ng gampanin at tungkulin tulad ng mga nagtatrabaho ng pang-gabi o graveyard shift gaya ng mga pulis, mamamahayag, drayber, mga viajero at mga nasa call center.

Maraming pagkakataon sa paglalamay ikaw ay may kasamang nagpupuyat upang tulungan na tapusin ang gawain o gampanan ang tungkulin. Sa paglalamay, palaging mayroong kasama upang tulungan tayong malampasan ano mang pagsubok na pinagdaraanan. Doon nagsasalapungan ang dalawang kataga ng lamay at ramay: sa gitna ng kadiliman ng gabi, mayroong maasahang kasamang nakikibahagi at nakikiisa sa pagdurusan at hirap na pinagdaraanan.

Larawan kuha ni G. Jay Javier, Tayabas, Quezon, 13 Agosto 2023.

Napakaganda ng larawang sinasaad ng lamay at ramay – ang kadiliman ng gabi. Sa bibliya, ang gabi at kadiliman ay sumasagisag sa kapangyarihan ng kasamaan.

Ipinanganak si Jesus sa pinakamadilim na gabi ng buong taon, mula Disyembre 23 hanggang 25. Malinaw na pagpapahayag ito ng pakikiramay ng Diyos sa kadiliman ng ating buhay. Doon siya palaging dumarating kung tutuusin.

Huwag nating pag-alinlanganan katotohanang ito na muli nating natunghayan noong Huling Hapunan ng Panginoon na naganap sa pagtatakip-silim ng Huwebes Santo. Kinagabihan si Jesus ay nanalangin sa halamanan ng Getsemani ngunit tinulugan ng tatlong malalapit na mga alagad. Huli na ang lahat nang sila ay magising nang dumating si Judas Iskariote, isa sa kanilang mga kasamahan na nagkanulo kay Jesus sa kadiliman ng gabi.

Anong saklap na walang karamay si Jesus sa paglalamay na iyon na nagpatuloy sa kanyang paglilitis sa Sanhedrin kung saan naman tatlong ulit siyang tinatwa ni Simon Pedro habang nasa labas ng tahahan ng punong pari. Kaya nga kung sakali man tayo ay nasa napakadilim na yugto ng buhay at tila nag-iisa, alalahaning si Jesus ay ating kapiling, nakikiramay sa atin dahil siya ang naunang nakaranas na maglamay ng walang karamay! Kanya itong binago at tiniyak na hindi na mauulit kanino man upang siya ay makaramay sa bawat lamay ng ating buhay nang siya ay muling mabuhay, nagtagumpay sa kamatayan at kasamaan sa gitna rin ng kadiliman ng gabi.

larawan kuha ni G. Cristian Pasion, Bihilya ng Pasko ng Pagkabuhay 2021.

Kamakailan ay dumadalas aking pagmimisa sa mga lamayan ng mga yumaong mga kamag-anak at kaibigan. Noon pa man lagi nang nasasambit ng mga kaibigan bakit nga ba hindi tayo magkita-kita habang buhay pa kesa naman doon na lamang palagi nabubuo pamilya at barkada sa lamayan ng namamatay?

Tama rin naman kanilang bukambibig sa mga lamayan. Ano pa ang saysay ng pagsasama-sama gayong nawala na at pumanaw ang mahal sa buhay?

Ngunit kamakailan ay napagnilayan ko rin na tama lamang na magkita-kita tayo sa mga lamayan upang ipahayag ating pakikiramay dahil naroon tayo hindi lamang upang makidalamhati kungdi magpuri at magpasalamat din sa isang yumao. Wika nga ng marami, lamay lamang ang hindi ipinangungumbida kasi doon masusukat tunay na kabutihan ng isang tao sa kanyang pagpanaw: kung marami ang naglamay at nakiramay, ibig sabihin, mabuti siyang tao, mapakisama, laging karamay noong nabubuhay pa.

Napagtanto ko ito sa nakakatawang pagkakataon; kundangan kasi, bilang mula sa mga sinaunang panahon, para sa akin ang pakikiramay ay dapat seryoso. Malungkot nga dapat at nakikidalamhati. Hirap na hirap ako noong matanggap ang picture taking sa lamayan! Iskandalo kung baga sa akin ang magpose at picture-taking sa lamayan, lalo na sa tabi ng labi ng yumao. Paano ka namang ngingiti e mayroong ngang patay at namatayan?

Larawan kyha ng may akda, 2018.

Nakatutuwang isipin kung paanong itinuro sa akin ng teknolohiya ang malalim na kahulugan ng pakikiramay sa paglalamay. Na ito ay higit sa lahat pagdiriwang ng buhay, pagpupugay at pasasalamat sa magandang samahan na ating tinitiyak na magpapatuloy pumanaw man ating kaibigan at kamag-anakan. Ang ating pakikiramay ay hindi lamang pagpadarama ng pakikiisa sa dalamhati kungdi pagtiyak ng pagkakaisang ito sa pagmamahal, pasasalamat at pag-alala tuwina sa isang pumanaw at kanilang mga naulila.

Mainam pa rin makadaupang-palad mga kamag-anak at kaibigan habang nabubuhay ngunit hindi pa rin huli ang lahat na sakali man dala ng maraming kadahilanan tayo ay makiramay tuwing mayroon lamay dahil ang totoo’y buhay pa rin ating ipinagdiriwang. Ito ang dahilan kaya ating tawag sa pumapanaw ay hindi namatay kungdi sumakabilang buhay. Balang araw siya ring ating hantungang lahat kung saan ang lamay at ramay ay iisang katotohanan na lamang na kung tawagi’y, pag-ibig.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Every here & now always the right place & right time in God

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Monday in the Twenty-third Week of Ordinary Time, Year I, 11 September 2023
Colossians 1:24-2:3   ><]]]]'> + ><]]]]'> + ><]]]]'>   Luke 6:6-11
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 2017.
Dearest Father in heaven:
Is there really being at the
wrong place at a wrong time?
It has been 22 years since 9/11
when so many lives were lost,
many families and relationships
were broken by those terrorist attacks;
recently, over 2000 people perished 
in a massive earthquake in Morocco;
everywhere, bad things happen to
many people because they were
at the wrong place at the wrong time,
Father?

I know, dear God,
life is not that simple
or simplistic, of being at the
wrong place at the wrong time;
if you are everywhere, Father,
how could there be 
a wrong place and
a wrong time?

Brothers and sisters: I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his Body, which is the Church…

Colossians 1:24
NEW YORK – SEPTEMBER 11, 2001: (SEPTEMBER 11 RETROSPECTIVE) Smoke pours from the twin towers of the World Trade Center after they were hit by two hijacked airliners in a terrorist attack September 11, 2001 in New York City. (Photo by Robert Giroux/Getty Images)
But as I prayed with St. Paul,
I realize something more deep,
more profound, even mysterious,
than our common excuse of 
being at the wrong place at the
wrong time:  every here and now
is always a right place and 
right time in you, O God our
loving Father!

St. Paul was at the right place and 
right time on that day on his way
to Damascus to persecute
the Christians to meet Jesus Christ;
all throughout his life, as he 
completely surrendered to Jesus,
St. Paul found everything falling
into its right place in you, O God.
Many times, 
people and nature
may seem to put us 
at the wrong place 
and the wrong time, 
but you always ensure, O God,
in Christ Jesus that everything
will work out in our favor 
like that man with a withered hand
planted by the scribes and
Pharisees at the synagogue 
on a sabbath to see if Jesus
would heal him.

But he realized their intentions and said to the man with the withered hand, “Come up and stand before us.” And he rose and stood there. Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, is it lawful to do good on the sabbath rather than do evil, to save life rather than destroy it?” Looking around at them all, he then said to him, “Stretch out your hand.” He did so and his hand was restored.

Luke 6:8-10
There are many ways of looking
at every situation in life,
either as a blessing
or a curse or a bad luck
as some would usually say;
but with you, dear Jesus
who had come to bring God
closest to us, 
every time,
every place 
is always the right one, 
a blessed one.

Open our hearts
to your loving presence,
Father, in Jesus Christ
who suffered and died
to rise again for us
to experience life 
amid death,
joy amid sufferings,
and light in darkness.
Amen.
Photo by author, Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort, Infant, Quezon, 04 March 2023.

May birthday pa ba sa langit?

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-26 ng Hulyo 2023
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, takip-silim sa may Silang, Cavite noong Agosto 2020.

Sa araw na ito, ika-26 ng Hulyo ay ating pinararangalan ang mga nakatatanda sa atin bilang paggunita kina San Joaquin at Sta. Ana, mga magulang ng Mahal na Birheng Maria, Lolo at Lola ng Panginoong Jesus.

Sa aming pamilya, espesyal ito noon pa man dahil kaarawan ng aking yumaong ama na si Wilfredo na isinilang noong Hulyo 26, 1932. Pumanaw siya noong ika-17 ng Hunyo 2000, kaarawan ng aming Ina. Kaya mula noon hanggang ngayon ay parang drama ang aming buhay na magkakapatid tuwing sasapit ang mga buwan ng Hunyo at Hulyo dahil naroon ang magkahalong tuwa at lungkot sa birthday ng aming mga magulang gayon din ang pagpapanaw ni Daddy.

Dahil dalawang taon pa lamang ako na pari nang pumanaw aking ama, hindi pa ako nakapagmisa patungkol sa kanyang kaarawan tuwing ika-26 ng Hulyo. Gayun din sa aking ina. Dahil sa napakasakit niyang karanasan, hindi ko pa rin siya naipagmimisa nang patungkol sa kanyang birthday na death anniversary nga ng kanyang kabiyak ng puso at aming ama. Dangan din kasi ay mahigpit ang bilin ni Mommy nang mamatay si Daddy, hindi na siya magbe-birthday celebration.

Ang aking yumaong ama sa kanyang opisina, Bureau of Forestry, 1972.

Nakakatawang isipin, puwede nga bang hindi magbirthday dito sa lupang ibabaw? Bagaman palaging death anniversary ni Daddy ang aming pagdiriwang tuwing June 17 na birthday ni Mommy, mayroon pa rin kaming pansit o spaghetti, cake at ice cream para sa kanya!

Darating at darating ating birthday na parang kuliling ng tindero ng ice cream ngunit kapag tayo ay namatay, wala na tayong birthday celebration. Ang kamatayan natin sa lupa ang birthday natin sa langit kaya iyon ang higit nating dapat alalahanin!

Kaya sana po ay huwag ninyo masamain itong aking sasabihin: tigilan na po natin itong kalokohan at kahibangan ng pagbati ng “Happy Birthday in Heaven” sa mga yumao nating mahal na buhay.

Inaamin ko na ako man ay ilang ulit napatangay sa kamaliang ito ng pagbati ng happy birthday in heaven sa Facebook. Nguni’t simula ngayon na sana ay ika-91 kaarawang ng aking ama kung nabubuhay pa siya, hinding hindi na ako babati kanino man ng happy birthday in heaven.

Wala na pong birthday sa langit o kabilang-buhay dahil iyon ay kawalang hanggan na po.

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Mt. St. Paul, La Trinidad, Benguet, Mayo 2017.

Noong mamatay ang aking ama sa kaarawan ng aking ina, iyon ang paliwanag ko sa kanya: ganyan po kayo kamahal ng Daddy; birthday niya sa langit, birthday po ninyo dito sa lupa.

Kaya nga ang kapistahan palagi ng mga banal ay ang petsa ng kanilang kamatayan o nang paglilipat ng kanilang labi. Bukod tangi lamang sina Jesus, Birheng Maria at San Juan Bautista ang ipinagdiriwang natin ang mga kaarawan ng pagsilang sa lupang ibabaw.

Ang kamatayan natin ang ating petsa ng pagsilang sa buhay na walang hanggan. Move on na tayo…

Sa dalawamput-limang taon ko sa pagkapari, isang bagay napansin ko na madalas ang mga petsa ng kamatayan ay sadyang makahulugan kesa petsa ng kapanganakan. Palagi mga petsa ng kamatayan ng mga mahal natin sa buhay malapit o may kinalaman sa mahalalagang petsa sa buhay natin. Sabi nga ng iba, madalas namamatay ang tao malapit sa petsa ng birthday nila.

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Anvaya Cove sa Bataan, Mayo 2023.

Sa dati kong parokya, nagrereunion ang isang angkan tuwing araw ng Pasko, Disyembre 25 dahil iyon ang kamatayan ng kanilang Lola. Nang suriin ko, ipinanganak ang Lola nila ika-24 ng Marso! Sabi ko sa kanilang angkan ay napakaganda ng petsa ng kamatayan ng Lola nila bagamat masakit kung iisipin dahil araw iyon ng kasiyahan dapat. Nguni’t wika ko sa kanila, isinilang sa lupa inyong Lola sa bisperas ng petsa ng pagkakatawang-tao ni Jesus o Annunciation (Marso 25) habang isinilang naman Lola nila sa langit nang pumanaw siya ng ika-25 ng Disyembre. Tuwang-tuwa sila sa paliwanag ko kaya tuwing Pasko, ako ay pinamamaskuhan ng magkakamag-anak!

Pagmasdan ninyo mga lapida sa sementeryo: palagi naroon ang petsa ng kapanganakan at kamatayan. At pagkatapos ay wala nang kasunod kasi nga wala nang hanggan!

Noong wala pang social media lalo na iyang Facebook na dahilan ng pagkabobo nating mga tao dahil nga puro tayo palabas, kapag dumarating petsa ng pagsilang ng yumao nating mahal sa buhay, ang palaging sinasabi ay “nobenta’y uno na sana siya kung buhay pa ngayon” (he would have been 91 years old today had he not died).

Tingnang ninyo. Mas tumpak ang kaisipan at pananalita ng matatanda kesa sa atin ngayon. Kung araw ng kapanganakan ng yumaong mahal sa buhay, magpost na lang ng simpleng “naaalala ka pa rin namin” o “buhay kang palagi sa aking alaala” o “ikaw pa rin ang aking tanging mahal” na siyang tunay at totoo kesa “happy birthday sa langit” na isang kasinungalingan.

Inuulit ko, wala na pong birthday sa langit.

Huwag na kayong babati ng happy birthday in heaven. Ang birthday ay sa lupa lamang. Mag-level up na tayo ng pananaw, kaisipan at kamalayan katulad ng mga pumanaw na nasa kabilang buhay na. “Ang mga bagay na panlangit ang isaisip ninyo, hindi ang mga bagay na panglupa sapagkat namatay na kayo at ang inyong tunay na buhay ay natatago sa Diyos, kasama ni Kristo” (Col. 3:1-2).

Maraming salamat po at maligayang kapistahan sa mga Lolo at Lola muli!

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, takip-silim sa Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan, Hunyo 2020.

Pakikiramay at paglalamay bilang pagpapala

Lawiswis Ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-24 ng Mayo 2023
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Jesuit Cemetery sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 21 Marso 2023.

Bago pa man ako naging pari ay madalas ko nang naririnig ang tanong ng karamihan na bakit nga ba tayo nagkikita-kita lamang kung mayroong namamatay? Bakit nga ba hindi tayo magkita-kita ng madalas habang buhay pa upang ipahayag ating pagmamahal sa kaibigan o kamag-anak kesa yung sila ay patay na?

Bakas sa mga katanungang ito ang malungkot na katotohanan ng buhay lalo na sa mga nagkaka-edad tulad ko. Minsan naroon din ang panghihinayang at pagiging-guilty na kung bakit nga ba hindi tayo nagsasama-sama habang malakas at buhay pa mga yumaong mahal natin sa buhay?

Pero ang nakakatawa sa ganitong mga usapan ay ang katotohanan na pagkaraan ng ilang buwan o taon, magkikita-kita muli tayo pa ring magkakamag-anak at magkakaibigan sa susunod na lamayan nang hindi pa rin nagkasama-sama habang mga buhay pa!

Ano nangyari? Hindi na nga ba tayo natuto sa aral ng mga naunang yumao, na magsama-sama habang buhay at malakas?

Sa aking palagay ay hindi naman sa hindi na tayo natuto kungdi ang totoo, higit pa ring mainam ang magkita-kita sa lamayan kesa saan pa mang pagtitipon dahil sa ilang mas malalim na kadahilanan.

“Kaunting panahon na lamang at hindi na ako makikita ng sanlibutan. Ngunit ako’y makikita ninyo; sapagkat mabubuhay ako, at mabubuhay rin kayo. Malalaman ninyo sa araw na yaon na ako’y sumasa-Ama, kayo’y sumasaakin, at ako’y sumasainyo.”

Juan 14:19-20
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Jesuit Cemetery sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 21 Marso 2023.

Una, sa ating pakikiramay buhay ang pinararangalan at hindi ang kamatayan. Nakikiramay tayo upang ipagdiwang mabuting pamumuhay at magandang pakikisama ng yumao. Wika nga sa amin sa Bulacan, ang lamay lang ang hindi ipinag-iimbita. Ito ang sukatan ng kabutihan ng isang tao na siya ay parangalan hanggang magkapuyatan. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit paulit-ulit sinabi ni Jesus sa kanyang mga alagad na maging handa palagi dahil hindi natin alam ang oras ng ating pagpanaw. Alalaong-baga, mamuhay tayo sa kabutihan.

Isa sa mga paborito kong pelikula ay ang The Last Samurai ni Tom Cruise. Sa huling bahagi ng pelikula bago siya bumalik ng Amerika, namaalam siya sa batang emperador ng Hapon na nagsabi sa kanya, “Tell me how did my samurai die.” Sumagot si Tom Cruise, “I will not tell you how he died but I will tell you how he lived.”

Kaya nga sa lamayan hindi naman pinag-uusapan kung ano at paanong namatay kungdi paanong namuhay ang mahal nating pumanaw. Narito ang malaking kaibahan ng mga pagtitipon ng buhay gaya ng mga handaan at party na nauuwi lamang sa kainan, inuman, at tawanan o kantahan hanggang magkalasingan at di matunawan sa kabusugan. Minsan nauuwi pa sa away mga ito.

Ang ibig ko lang sabihin ay ito: sa patay mayroon ding kainan at inuman kung minsan pero iba ang lalim ng usapan at kuwentuhan. Lalong higit ng pagsasalo-salo – walang nagbabalot! – kasi iba ang level ng pagtitipon sa lamayan. Mayroong rubdob. Nahirapan lang ako sa isang bagay na sadyang makabago at hirap pa rin akong tanggapin. Ang pagpapakuha ng litrato sa mga lamayan. Mula pagkabata kasi aking nagisnan ay seryoso ang lamayan at dahil noon ay wala pang mga camera phone kaya asiwa ako na pumorma o mag-pose sabay ngiti kasama mga naulila sa tabi ng mga labi ng giliw na pumanaw. Maliban doon, ito ang unang kagandahan at biyaya ng pakikiramay at paglalamay – ito ay pagdiriwang ng buhay hindi ng kamatayan.

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Jesuit Cemetery sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 21 Marso 2023.

Ikalawang biyaya ng pakikiramay at paglalamay sa patay ay ang pagpapahayag ng patuloy nating pagmamahal at pagpapahalaga sa ating ugnayan hindi lamang sa pumanaw kungdi pati sa kanyang mga naulila. Hindi lamang tayo nakikibahagi sa kanilang dalamhati na siyang kahulugan ng pakikiramay o pagdamay, kungdi higit sa lahat ay ang ating pagtitiyak sa kanila na kahit wala na ang giliw nating pumanaw, nananatili pa rin tayong kamag-anak at kaibigan.

Pinakamasakit na bahagi ng pagmamahal ang paghihiwalay, pansamantala man o pang-magpakailanman tulad ng kamatayan. Isa itong katotohanang ating naranasang lahat dahil walang permanente sa buhay na ito. Darating at darating ang sandali na tayo ay mahihiwalay sa ating minamahal kapag ang mga anak ay nagsipag-kolehiyo o kapag sila ay nagsipag-asawa upang bumuo ng sariling pamilya. At ang pinaka-masakit sa lahat ng paghihiwalay, ang pagpanaw ng mahal sa buhay.

Gayon pa man, naroon sa kamatayan ang pinakamatinding hamon ng pagmamahal na ating ipinahahayag at ipinadarama sa pakikiramay. Alalaong-baga kapag tayo pumupunta sa lamayan, ating pinagtitibay sa kanilang naulila ang ating ugnayan, na tayo ay magkakamag-anak pa rin, magkakaibigan pa rin. Kahit mawala ang isang kamag-anak o pamilya at kaibigan, hindi mawawala ating ugnayan. Sama-sama pa rin tayo hanggang sa kabilang buhay kung saan magiging ganap at lubos ating mga ugnayan sa Diyos kay Kristo Jesus.

Kitang-kita ang ugnayang ito na hindi kayang putulin ng kamatayan sa paraan ng ating pagpapaalam. Walang nagsasabing “aalis na ako” o “lalayas na ako” maliban kung siya ay galit. Kapag tayo nagpapaalam saan man, ating sinasabi palagi ay “mauuna na po ako” gayong wala namang susunod sa ating pag-alis. Atin ding sinasabi bilang pamamaalam ang “tutuloy na po ako” e lumalabas nga ang isang nagpapaalam paanong tutuloy?!

Ang mga ito ay tanda ng pagtimo sa ating katauhan ng katotohanan ng kamatayan at buhay na walang hanggan. Sinasabi nating mauuna na ako dahil batid natin lahat ang katotohanan na una-una lang sa kamatayan. Gayon din ang pagsasabi ng tutuloy na ako tuwing nagpapaalam kasi isa lang ating hahantungang lahat, ang buhay na walang hanggan sa piling ng Diyos sa kalangitan.

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Bolinao, Pangasinan, 19 Abril 2022.

Kaya hindi rin kataka-taka minsan kung kailan pumanaw at nawala na ang isang mahal sa buhay saka lumalalim ating ugnayan. Iyan ang ikatlong biyaya ng pakikiramay at paglalamay, ang pananatili ng pag-ibig. Higit nating nadarama lalim ng ating pagmamahal kanino man kapag siya ay pumanaw na. Ito yung hiwaga ng aral ni Jesus sa bundok, “Mapapalad ang mga nahahapis, sapagkat aaliwin sila ng Diyos” (Mt.5:4).

Mapapalad ang nahahapis dahil una, sila ay nagmamahal. Sabi ni San Agustin, kaya tayo umiiyak kapag namatay ang isang mahal sa buhay kasi tayo ay nagmamahal. Masakit ang mawalan at hindi na makita ang isang minamahal.

Higit sa lahat, mapapalad ang nahahapis dahil silay ay minahal. Iyon ang pinaka-masakit sa pagmamahal. Matapos maranasan ikaw ay mahalin, saka naman siya mawawala sa piling. Ngunit iyon din ang pagpapala. Kaya masakit mamamatayn kasi nga tayo ay minahal. Sabi ng isang makata, “kung ikaw ay mayroong pagmamahal, ikaw ay pinagpala; kung ikaw ay minahal, ikaw ay hinipo ng Diyos.” Tuwing tayo ay nakikiramay, naglalamay, ating ipinahahayag ating pagmamahal gayun din ang biyaya na tayo ay minahal ng pumanaw.

Tama si San Pablo na sa kahuli-hulihan, lahat ay maglalaho at tanging pag-ibig lang ang mananatili (1Cor. 13:13). Gayon din ang inawit ni Bb. Cookie Chua sa Paglisan.

Kung ang lahat ay may katapusan
Itong paglalakbay ay makakarating din sa paroroonan
At sa iyong paglisan, ang tanging pabaon ko
Ay pag-ibig
Ay pag-ibig
Ay pag-ibig

Manatili sa pag-ibig ni Kristo! Amen. Salamuch po.

Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Bolinao, Pangasinan, 19 Abril 2022.

The joy of Easter: Jesus comes in our weeping

Photo by author, morning sun at Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 20 March 2023.
One with the Psalmist today, 
O dear Jesus Christ, 
I also proclaim that indeed
"The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord"
(Psalm 33:5)
because even in our sadness,
right in our weeping and in
our crying, 
that is where and when you come!

Jesus said to Magdalene, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” She thought it was the gardener and said to him, “Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,” which means Teacher.

John 20:15-16
Like Magdalene,
there are times we are overtaken
by our grief and sadness over our
many disappointments and failures,
losses and defeats like deaths 
that we could not see 
your loving presence,
your consoling comfort
O Lord Jesus Christ.
Like the listeners of Peter on that
day of Pentecost, "cut us to the heart"
(Acts 2:37), lay bare before us this
glaring truth of your Resurrection, Jesus,
of your victory over death and darkness,
over sin and sickness
that we may be more open to accept and
embrace your loving presence
with us and in us during the most
trying times of life like death of a loved one
or a sudden shift in our lives.
Amen.
Photo by author, Jesuit Cemetery, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 20 March 2023.