Mga pamahiin at kaalaman turo sa atin ng paglalamay sa patay

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-01 ng Nobyembre 2024

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 Marso 2024.*

Salamuch sa mainit na pagtanggap sa ating nakaraang lathalaing nagpapaliwanag sa ilang mga pamahiin sa paglalamay sa patay.

Sa ating pagsisikap na tuntunin pinagmulan ng mga pamahiin sa paglalamay, nakita rin natin ang kapangyarihan ng mga kaisipan ng tao na mahubog ang kamalayan at kaugalian ng karamihan sa pamamagitan ng mga ito.

Ang nakakatuwa po, mayroon namang praktikal na dahilan sa likod ng maraming pamahiin katulad po ng maraming nagtatanong, bakit daw masamang magwalis kapag mayroong patay?

*Larawan kuha ni Fr. Pop dela Cruz, San Miguel, Bulacan, 2022.*

Sa mga katulad kong promdi o laki sa probinsiya inabutan ko pa mga kapitbahay naming nakatira sa kubo at mga sinaunang tirahan na mayroong bubong na pawid at silong sa ilalim. Tablang kahoy ang mga sahig kung mayroong kaya at masinsing kinayas na mga kawayan kung hindi naman nakakaangat sa buhay. Ang silong palagi ay lupa din, mataas lang ng kaunti sa kalsada. Bihira naka-tiles noon. Kaya, masama ring ipanhik ng bahay ang tsinelas o bakya o sapatos kasi marumi mga ito.

Masama o bawal magwalis kapag mayroong lamay sa patay kasi nakakahiya sa mga panauhin na nakikiramay – mag-aalikabok sa buong paligid! Liliparin mga lupa at buhangin kasama na mga mikrobyo.

Marumi, sa madaling salita. Kaya ang utos ng matatanda, pulutin mga kalat gaya ng balat ng kendi o butong-pakwan. Noong mamatay Daddy ko, hindi ko matandaan kung tinupad namin pamahiing ito pero hindi ko malimutan paano nilinis ng mga kapit-bahay aming bahay nang ihatid na namin sa huling hantungan aking ama. Bagaman bawal magwalis noong lamay, asahan mo naman puspusang paglilinis ng mga kapit-bahay at kaanak pagkalibing ng inyong patay.

Kapag ako po ay tinatanong kung “naniniwala” sa pamahiin, “hindi” po ang aking sagot kasi iisa lang aking pinaniniwalaan, ang Diyos nating mapagmahal. Tandaan turo ni San Pablo noon sa marami niyang mga sulat, hindi mga ritual at kaugalian nagliligtas sa atin kungdi tanging si Kristo Jesus lamang.

Bakit lamay o "wake" 
ang pagbabantay sa patay?

Nakakatawa at marahil mahirap paniwalaan sagot sa tanong na iyan. Ang paglalamay ay hindi pagtulog sa gabi dahil sa mga gawain at gampanin kinakailangang tuparin. Wake ang Inggles nito na ibig sabihin ay “gising” tulad ng awake.

Naglalamay ang mga tao noong unang panahon lalo na sa Europa kapag mayroong namamatay upang matiyak na talagang namatay na nga kanilang pinaglalamayan. Inihihiga ang hinihinalang namatay sa mesa habang mga naglalamay ay nagkakainan at nag-iinuman upang hindi antukin; higit sa lahat, baka sakaling magising at matauhan hinihinalang patay sa kanilang ingay.

Alalahaning wala pang mga duktor noon na maaring magdeklarang pumanaw na ngang tunay ang isang tao; kaya, hindi malayo na may pagkakataong ang mga inaakalang namatay ay nag-comatose lamang. Kapag hindi pa rin nagising sa ingay ng kainan at inuman ng mga naglamay ang patay pagsapit ng bukang-liwayway, ipinapalagay nila noon na tunay na ngang patay iyon at saka pa lamang pag-uusapan ang libing.

Nang maglaon sa paglaganap ng Kristiyanidad, ang lamay na dati ay kainan at inuman, naging panahon ng pagdarasal ngunit hindi rin nawala mga kainan at inuman sa mga lamayan upang huwag antukin. At higit sa lahat, para maraming makiramay na ibig sabihin, mabuting tao namatay.

Mga salita at kaalaman
natutunan dahil sa mga patay...

Heto ngayon ang magandang kuwento mula sa kasaysayan kung paanong napagyaman ng mga tradisyon sa paglalamay ng namatay ang ating mga wika maging kaisipan. Kitang-kita ito sa kulturang banyaga tulad ng mga Inggles.

Nagtataka maraming archaeologists sa ilang mga takip ng kabaong sa Inglatera ay mayroong kalmot ng kuko ng daliri. At maraming bahid ng dugo.

Napag-alaman sa pagsasaliksik na may mga pagkakataong nalilibing mga yumao noon na hindi pa naman talagang patay! Kaya, kapag sila ay nagkamalay o natauhan habang nakalibing, pinagtutulak nila ang takip ng kabaong hanggang sa pagkakalmutin upang makalabas hanggang sa tuluyang mamatay na nga sa libingan.

Kaya naisipan ng mga tao noon na magtalaga ng bantay sa sementeryo lalo na mula alas-diyes ng gabi hanggang pagsikat ng araw na siyang pinagmulan ng katagang graveyard shift – literal na pagtatanod sa sementeryo o “graveyard” upang abangan sakaling mabuhay ang nalibing.

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda, libingan ng mga pari at hermanong Heswita sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, ika-20 ng Marso 2024.*

Ganito po ang siste: tinatalian ng pisi ang daliri o kamay ng bawat namamatay kapag inilibing. Nakadugtong ang taling ito sa isang kililing o bell sa tabi ng bantay ng sementeryo, yung nasa graveyard shift.

Nakaangat ng kaunti ang takip ng kanyang kabaong at hindi lubusang tinatabunan kanyang libingan upang sakaling magkamalay, tiyak magpipiglas ito sa loob ng kabaong para makalabas… tutunog ang kililing sa gitna ng dilim ng gabi para magising o matawag pansin ng bantay na agad sasaklolo upang hanguin ang buhay na nalibing.

Isipin ninyo eksena sa sementeryo sa kalagitnaan ng dilim ng gabi… at biglang mayroong kikililing? Sinong hindi matatakot sa taong nalibing na biglang nabuhay? Doon nagmula ang salitang dead ringer na ibig sabihin ay isang taong nakakatakot o kakila-kilabot. Ikaw ba namang magtrabao ng graveyard shift sa sementeryo at kalagitnaan ng gabi ay tumunog kililing… marahil magkakaroon ka rin ng tililing sa takot!

Kaugnay din nito, alam ba ninyo na mayroong nakatutuwang kuwento rin ang paglalagay ng lapida sa libingan ng ating mga yumao?

Balikan ang Bagong Tipan ng Banal na Kasulatan na nagsasaad ng isa sa mga pangunahin nating pinananampalatayanan: ang muling pagbabalik ni Jesus o Second Coming of Christ na tinuturing end of the world.

Takot na takot mga unang Kristiyano sa paniniwalang ito na baka wala pa ang Panginoon ay magsibangon kaagad mga naunang namatay sa kanila!

Ang kanilang solusyon, lagyan ng mabigat na batong panakip ang mga libingan tulad ng lapidang marmol upang hindi agad bumangon ang patay bago ang Second Coming of Christ o Parousia.

Isa iyan sa mga dahilan kung bakit sinesemento rin mga puntod at libingan: upang huwag unahan pagbabalik ni Jesus.

Kahalagahan ng pagsisimba...
hanggang kamatayan... 
bago ilibing.

Mula sa tahanan, dumako naman tayo ngayon sa loob ng simbahan para sa pagmimisa sa mga yumao. Pagmasdan po ninyong mabuti posisyon ng mga kabaong ng mga patay kapag minimisahan.

Kapag po layko ang namatay katulad ng karamihan sa inyo na hindi pari o relihiyoso… pagmasdan ang kanilang paa ay nakaturo sa dambana o altar habang ang ulunan ay nakaturo sa mga tao o nagsisimba.

Ito ay dahil sa huling sandali ng pagpasok ng sino mang binyagan sa simbahan, siya pa rin ay nagsisimba. Pansinin na nakaturo kayang mga paa sa altar at ulo naman sa pintuan dahil kapag siya ay ibinangon, nakaharap pa rin siya sa altar, nagsisimba, nagdarasal.

Kapag pari naman ang namatay, katulad ko (punta po kayo), ang aming mga paa ay nakaturo sa pintuan ng simbahan at ulo naroon sa direksiyon ng dambana.

Hanggang sa huling pagpasok naming pari sa simbahan bago ilibing, kami ay nagmimisa pa rin ang anyo: nakaharap sa mga tao kung ibabangon mula sa pagkaposisyon ng aming ulo nakaturo sa altar at mga paa sa pintuan.

Larawan kuha ng may akda ng pinakamahal at isa sa matandang sementeryo sa mundo; mga paa ay nakaposisyon sa silangang pintuan ng Jerusalem upang makaharap kaagad ang Mesiyas na inaasahang magdaraan doon kapag dumating. Ang totoo, doon nga dumaaan si Jesus pagpasok ng Jerusalem mahigit 2000 taon na nakalipas.

Salamuch muli sa inyong pagsubaybay sa ating pagninilay at pagpapaliwanag ng ilang mga pamahiin at paniniwala kaugnay ng mga namatay. Ang mahalaga sa lahat ng ito ay patuloy tayong mamuhay sa kabanalan at kabutihan na naka-ugat palagi sa Diyos sa buhay panalangin (prayer life) na ang rurok ay ang Banal na Misa.

Huwag na nating hintayin pa kung kailan patay na tayo ay siyang huling pasok din natin sa simbahan na hindi makasalita ni makarinig o makakita. Tandaan, ang pagsisimba tuwing Linggo ay dress rehearsal natin ng pagpasok sa langit!

Kaya ngayong todos los santos, unahing puntahan ang simbahan upang magsimba. Tiyak makakatagpo natin doon ang ating yumao sa piling ng Diyos, kesa sa sementeryo napuro patay at mga kalansay. Amen.

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda, bukang-liwayway sa Camp John Hay, Baguio City, Nobyembre 2018.*

Sa buhay at kamatayan, bulaklak nagpapahayag ng buhay

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-31 ng Oktubre 2024

“Say it with flowers” ang marahil isa na sa mga pinakamabisa at totoong pagpapahayag ng saloobin sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Wala ka na talagang sasabihin pa kapag ikaw ay nagbigay ng bulaklak kanino man. Ano man ang okasyon. Buhay man. O patay na.

Mababango at makukulay na bulaklak. Mas maganda at mas mahal, pinakamabuti lalo’t higit kung ibibigay sa sinisinta upang mabatid nilalaman ng dibdib ng isang mangingibig.

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda sa Benguet, 12 Hulyo 2023.*

Sa buong daigdig, nag-iisang wika at salita ang mga bulaklak na ginagamit upang ihatid ang tuwa at kagalakan sa sino man nagdiriwang ng buhay at tagumpay, maging ng kagalingan at lakas sa may tinitiis na sakit at hilahil. Sari-saring kulay, hugis at anyo, iisa ang pinangungusap ng bulaklak sa lahat ng pagkakataon, buhay at kagalakan at kaisahan ng magkakaibigan at magkasintahan, mag-asawa at mag-anak, magkaano-ano man.

Marahil kasunod nating mga tao, ang mga bulaklak na ang pinakamagagandang nilikha ng Diyos upang ipadama at ilarawan sa atin Kanya at maging atin ding katapatan at kadalisayan ng loobin at hangarin. Alalahanin paalala ni Jesus sa atin, “Isipin ninyo kung paano sumisibol ang mga bulaklak sa parang…maging si Solomon ay hindi nakapagsuot ng kasingganda ng isa sa mga bulaklak na ito, bagamat napakariringal ang mga damit niya” (Mt. 6:28, 29).

Kapag ako ay nagkakasal, palagi kong ipinaaalala sa magsing-ibig ang kahulugan ng maraming gayak na bulaklak sa dambana ng simbahan na nagpapahiwatig ng larawan ng Paraiso.

Alalaong baga, bawat Sakramento ng Kasal ay “marriage made in heaven” – malayang ginawa at pinagtibay ng magsing-ibig sa harap ng Diyos at ng Kanyang Bayan sa loob ng simbahan. Kaya wika ko sa kanila, ipagpatuloy ang pagbibigay ng bulaklak sa maybahay kahit hindi anibersaryo, lalo na kapag mayroon silang “lover’s quarrel” bilang tanda ng “ceasefire”.

Kaya naman maski sa kamatayan, mayroon pa ring mga bulaklak na ibinibigay tanda hindi lamang ng pagmamahal kungdi ng pag-asa na harinawa, makapiling na ng yumao ang Diyos at Kanyang mga Banal sa langit. Gayon din naman, dapat katakutan ng sino mang buhay pa ang padalhan ng korona ng patay o bulaklak sa patay dahil babala ito ng masamang balak laban sa kanyang buhay.

*Lamay ni Mommy noong Mayo 7, 2024; paborito niya ang kulay pink at bulaklak na carnation.*

Dagdag kaalaman ukol sa mga bulaklak sa patay: isang dahilan kaya pinupuno ng maraming mababangong bulaklak ang pinaglalamayan ng patay ay upang matakpan masamang amoy ng yumao dahil noong unang panahon, wala pa namang maayos na sistema ng pag-eembalsamo maging ng mga gamot para ma-preserve ang labi ng yumao. Kapansin-pansin ngayon lalo sa social media kapag mayroong namamatay, ipinapahayag ng mga naulila na huwag nang magbigay o mag-alay ng mga bulaklak bagkus ay ibigay na lamang sa favorite charity ng yumao. Kundangan kasi ay malaking halaga ng pera ang magagarang bulaklak sa patay; kesa ipambili yamang malalanta rin naman, minamabuti ng mga naulila ng yumao na mag-donate na lamang sa favorite charity ng pumanaw nilang mahal sa buhay.

Marahil ay hindi ito matatanggap hindi lamang ng mga Pilipino kungdi ng karamihan ng tao sa buong mundo; higit pa ring napapahayag ang pakikiramay at pagmamahal sa namatay at mga naulila sa pamamagitan ng bulaklak dahil malalim na katotohanang taglay ng mga ito.

Tuwing Sabado Santo noong nasa parokya pa ako, gustung-gusto ko palagi sa aming umagang panalangin (lauds) na ipinahahayag iyong tagpo ng paglilibing kay Hesus.

Sa pinagpakuan kay Jesus ay may isang halamanan, at dito’y may isang bagong libingang hindi pa napaglilibingan. Yamang noo’y araw ng Paghahanda ng mga Judio, at dahil sa malapit naman ang libingang ito, doon nila inilibing si Jesus (Juan 19:41-42).

Inilibing si Jesus sa may halamanan, garden sa Inggles. Nagpapahiwatig muli ng Paraiso, hindi ba.

Kay sarap namnamin ng tagpo ng Pasko ng Pagkabuhay ni Jesus doon sa “halamanan” na muli ay paalala sa atin ng “return to Paradise”, “return to Eden” ika nga. Kaya nang lapitan ni Jesus si Magdalena nang umiiyak dahil wala ang Panginoon sa libingan, napagkamalan niya si Jesus bilang hardinero.

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda, halamanan sa St. Agnes Catholic Church, Jerusalem, Mayo 2017.*

Noong Martes, sinabi ni Jesus sa ebanghelyo na ang paghahari ng Diyos ay “Katulad ng isang butil ng mustasa na itinamin ng isang tao sa kanyang halaman” (Lk.13:19).

Bawat isa sa atin ay halamanan ng Diyos, a garden of God. A paradise in ourselves.

Maraming pagkakataon pinababayaan natin ating mga sarili tulad ng halamanang hindi dinidilig ni nililinang. Kung minsan naman, hindi nating maintindihan sa kabila ng ating pangangalaga, tila walang nangyayari sa ating sarili, tulad ng halamanang walang tumubo o lumago, mamunga o mamulaklak sa kabila ng pagaasikaso?

Nguni’t maraming pagkakataon din naman na namumulaklak, nagbubunga tayo tulad ng halamanan dahil ang tunay na lumilinang sa atin ay ang Panginoong Diyos na mapagmahal!

*Ilang araw pagkaraan ng Pasko nang kami’y magtanghalian ng barkada, 2023.*

Noong Disyembre 2022, umuwi isa naming dating teacher at kaming magkakaibigan ay nagsama-sama para sa isa pang dati naming kasama sa ICSM-Malolos, si Teacher Ceh.

Umuwi siya mula Bahrain noong 2020 dahil sa cancer at sumailalim siya ng chemotherapy.

Dahil Pasko, niregaluhan ko siya ng orchid.

Enero 2023 namasyal kami sa Tagaytay at napakasaya namin noon. Gustung-gusto niyang pinupuntahan ang Caleruega tuwing umuuwi siya mula Bahrain kung saan siya nagturo matapos mag-resign sa aming diocesan school.

Ang akala namin ay papagaling na si Teacher Ceh at dadalas na aming pagkikitang magkakaibigan mula noong simula ng 2023. Pagkatapos ng huli niyang chemotherapy noong Setyembre, nabatid na mababagsik kanyang cancer cells at hindi nagtagal, pumanaw si Teacher Ceh noong ika-16 ng Oktubre 2023.

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda, 16 Oktubre 2024.*

Isang araw bago sumapit kanyang babang-luksa, ibinalita sa amin ng kanyang Ate na umuwi mula Amerika na buhay at namumulaklak ang bigay kong orchid kay Teacher Ceh. Dinala niya ito nang magmisa ako sa kanyang puntod kinabukasan para sa kanyang ibis luksa.

Laking tuwa namin sa gitna ng nakakikilabot na pagkamangha nang makita naming magkakaibigan ang regalo kong orchids kay Teacher Ceh.

Isa’t kalahating taon pagkaraan naming huling magsama-samang magkakaibigan, isang taon makalipas ng kanyang pagpanaw, buhay at namulaklak pa rin ang orchid kong bigay sa kanya na tila nangungusap na masayang-masaya, buhay na buhay si Teacher Ceh doon sa langit!

*Sa aking silid; bigay lamang po iyang halaman na iyan at di ko alam pangalan.*

Ako man ay nagtataka. Kung kailan wala na aking Mommy, saka ako nakakabuhay ng mga halaman. Green thumb kasi si Mommy.

Kahit maliit lamang aming lupain, sagana siya sa pananim mula sa mga rosas at orchids, cactus at mga mayana, mga sari-saring halaman sa paso maging papaya, atis, langka, pati kamote at sili sa gilid ng bahay namin ay mayroon siya.

*Ito yung flower vase ng mga napatay kong waterplant sa dati kong assignment; ayaw ko sanang dalhin sa paglipat dito sa Valenzuela pero awa ng Diyos, buhay pa halaman mula 2021*.

Nakakatawa, ako hindi makabuhay ng halaman. Muntik pa akong bumagsak ng first year high school sa gardening kasi hindi ako makabuhay ng ano mang panananim maliban sa kamote. Sabi ni Mommy sa akin noon, kapag iyong kamote hindi ko pa nabuhay, ako ang talagang kamote!

Nang magkaroon ako ng sariling parokya noong 2011, nakakadalaw pa siya at simba sa amin noon tuwing Linggo. Ipinagyabang ko sa kanya mga alaga kong water plants sa kuwarto ngunit pagkaraan ng ilang buwan, namatay mga iyon. Sabi niya ulit sa akin, “ano ka ba naman anak, water plant na lang napapatay mo pa? Masyadong mainit iyong mga kamay,” aniya.

*Hoya daw ito na nakuha ko noong aking personal retreat sa Sacred Heart Novaliches noong 2022; buhay pa rin hanggang ngayon sa aking banyo.*

Isang bagay nakalimutan kong sabihin kay Mommy bago siya mamatay ay nakakabuhay na ako ng water plant sa kuwarto ko sa bago kong assignment sa Fatima Valenzuela.

Ako ay nagugulat sa sarili ko ngunit ngayon ko lamang napagnilayan nang makita ko ang orchids na regalo ko kay Teacher Ceh: apat na taon nang buhay aking mga water plant sa kwarto mula nang malipat ako dito noong 2021.

Hindi ko rin alam pangalan ng halamang ito na bigay sa akin pero nakapagpatubo na ako ng isa pa niyang sanga nasa aking office sa University; yung orchids bigay sa akin noong Abril, wala nang bulaklak pero buhayn pa rin. Himala!

Parang sinasabi sa akin ng mga alagang kong water plant na marahil, buhay na buhay at tuwang tuwa na rin si Mommy at nakabuhay ako ng halaman.

Kasi sabi niya kasi sa aking noong maliit pa ako, dapat daw marunong akong mag-alaga ng halaman at hayop dahil tanda raw iyon na makakabuhay na rin ako ng tao.

Siguro nga. Kaya ko nang mabuhay maski wala na siya, paalala marahil nitong aking mga halaman. Flowers for you, kaibigan.

The widow of Nain, all the other widows & women among us are a Good News

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 17 September 2024

*“Christ and the Widow of Nain” by Paolo Caliari (Veronese)(1528-1588). Oil on canvas. 97.7 x 163.8cm.); Photo © Christie’s Images via bridgemanimages.com.*

I have been searching the internet since last night of images of the widow of Nain whose only son was raised to life by Jesus in today’s gospel. After reading and praying over this scene found only in Luke’s gospel, it struck me differently last night, touching something so deep within me unlike before that I wanted to see how artists portrayed her.

Unfortunately despite the many paintings based on this story by Luke, only a few artists took time to paint with focus and emphasis on the widow of Nain. Despite Luke’s detail in saying that Jesus was moved with pity with her than with the young dead son, artists seemed to have looked more into the whole scene than the persons involved.

Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him. As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her, “Do not weep” (Luke 7:11-13).

*“Miracle at Nain” by Mario Minniti (1620)* from https://kathrynwarmstrong.wordpress.com/tag/paintings-concerning-the-widow-of-nain/

What a sorrowful sight it must have been with the widow of Nain burying her only child and son after losing her husband because she had practically lost everything in life!

The widow of Nain could have been a most wonderful subject for any painter or artist as she had melted the heart of Jesus who was prompted to raise to life her dead young son. In fact, this was the only third time Jesus had raised the dead to life in all four gospel accounts as He felt the enormous loss of the widow of Nain which remains so true to every widow these days.

In this brief and lovely story, Jesus reminds us of the special care we must have for widows and widowers who have lost everything in life while at the same time bares to us too the more disheartening aspect about death, of losing a beloved. Especially when it concerns a mother.

The most striking truth I have realized until now since my mother died in May is how she meant everything to me and my siblings that I always say, “iisa lang siyang nawala sa amin pero lahat nawala.”

That’s the pain I feel most hurting inside me. I really could not picture our house without her every morning sweeping its front or watering her orchids or combing her dog. More painful was looking inside our home now so empty without her as I imagined those days she used to feed her aquarium fish named “pitimini” and “fetunia” and other flowers I did not know at all or simply bantering with her myna bird. Whenever I would come home, I still could not look long into her room now occupied by my brother because she’s all I see and feel inside.

The story of Jesus being moved with pity at the widow of Nain proclaims how every woman is a gospel herself, especially mothers who from the very start a part of us. See how the author of Genesis rightly narrated when God decided to create the woman, He said “Let us create a suitable partner for him” (2:18).

Every woman is a part-ner of every man, especially mothers. Our umbilical cords are never cut off from our mom even after birth for our link with her continues even long after she – or us – is gone.

That’s because every woman is everything for each one of us as the Bee Gees sang it so well in one of the scenes in Saturday Night Fever, “more than a woman to me” because

Here in your arms I found my paradise
My only chance for happiness
And if I lose you now, I think I would die
Oh, say you'll always be my baby, we can make it shine
We can take forever, just a minute at a time

More than a woman
More than a woman to me...

During our Mass this morning, I chose to celebrate the Memorial of St. Hildegard von Bingen, a German Benedictine nun who lived over 1000 years ago. She was a mystic and a prolific writer, thinker and spiritual master who was beatified in 1326 but was only canonized in 2012 by Pope Benedict XVI who declared her a Doctor of the Church.

Like the other German woman saint, Teresa Benedicta of the Cross or Edith Stein, St. Hildegard’s writings are so deeply true but tenderly expressed that one could feel the woman touch of God. One of her quotes I used in reflecting on the widow of Nain says, “The mystery of God hugs you in its all-encompassing mystery.”

That’s what mothers do best, they hug us with God’s mystery as they themselves are a mystery to us that John Lennon rightly called woman as “the other half of the sky”.

Make a widow, a mother smile today for that would surely go a long, long way to heaven. God bless all the women of the world!

A special prayer for widows

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Tuesday, Memorial of St. Hildegard, Virgin & Doctor of Church, 17 September 2024
1 Corinthians 12:12-14, 27-31 <'[[[[>< + ><]]]]'> Luke 7:11-17

Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompnaied him. As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her, “Do not weep” (Luke 7:11-13).

Today, O God our Father,
you remind us of life's fragility, 
of life's daily crossings
into a gate, a portal
of death and life,
of weeping and rejoicing,
of absence and presence
like Jesus drawing near
to the gate of the city of Nain;
you give us each day
a chance to enter each day
filled with life and joy,
love and mercy
of your Son Jesus Christ.

We pray most especially for widows
who have lost everything:
their husband,
their son or daughter,
their joy and meaning in life;
help them cross each day's
gate and portal of their daily Nain;
how lovely that Jesus was 
moved by the widowed mother
not by the dead son to be buried;
many times we forget the living
especially widows
without realizing the unique
pains and hurts they go through
in losing a husband
and a child.

Take care, dear Jesus,
of the widows and widowers too
who often cry alone,
suffer in silence
for their loss;
visit them today with
your warmth and joy
to comfort them with your
loving presence through
their family and friends,
the Church which is your Body.
Through the intercession of the 
great mystic St. Hildegarde von Bingen,
may widows and widowers
experience what she had written that
"The mystery of God hugs you
in its all-encompassing mystery."
Amen.

“Ephphatha!” – and he spoke plainly.

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 09 September 2024

And people brought to Jesus a deaf man who had a speech impediment and begged him to lay his hand on him. He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, “Ephphatha!” – that is, “Be opened!” – And immediately the man’s ears were opened, his speech impediment was removed, and he spoke plainly (Mark 7:31-35).

Come, Lord Jesus,
take me away from the
routines and ordinariness
of this life that has become
my comfort zone;
touch me again
and speak to me that word
"Ephphatha" 
so I may be opened 
to speak plainly again:
let me speak plainly of love
not with eloquent words
but with sincere gestures
of care and kindness for the
other person;
let me speak plainly of love
not with technicalities of the laws
and rituals but with mercy
and compassion for a sinner
and those who have gone wayward;
let me speak plainly of love,
dear Jesus, like you,
not with letters and punctuations
but full of tenderness for the 
weak and the sick;
let me speak plainly by
being open, giving all that I have
not only whatever is in excess;
let me speak plainly not with
advocacies so passionate
but simply doing what is right
and good to keep this world 
clean and just;
let me speak plainly, O Lord,
with a ready smile to anyone,
wide arms to hug and welcome
family and friends,
warmth and joy to inspire those
lost and about to give up;
let me speak plainly, Jesus,
like you that in the end of this
life the heavens may open
as I pray, "into your hands
I commend my spirit."
Amen.

*Photo by author, Chapel of St. Francis Xavier, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 March 2024.*

Umuwi ka na Mommy…

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-14 ng Agosto 2024

*Larawan kuha ng may akda sa kanyang silid, 14 Agosto 2024.*

*Salamuch sa Orange and Lemons.

Umuwi ka na Mommy:
yan lang mithi ko palagi
hindi lang masabi 
nitong aking mga labi
dangan kasi hindi mangyayari;
akala ko noong dati
makakaya ko ang pighati
ng iyong pagpanaw
ngunit aking akala pala ay mali
tunay na damdamin namnamin,
ilahad at aminin sa sarili
huwag ikubli
huwag magkunwari
tiyak madadali sa huli.

Umuwi ka na Mommy:
kailanma'y hindi namin iyan nasabi
dangan nga kasi ikaw palagi
nasa tahanan at tindahan
naghihintay sa amin
at pagsapit ng takipsilim
tulad ng mga alaga mong inahin
isa-isa kaming iyong hahanapin
parang mga sisiw
bubusugin sa halimhim
ng iyong mga pangangaral
at dalangin saka ipaghahain
ng masarap at mainit na pagkain
mahirap limutin.

Umuwi ka na Mommy:
ikaw lang kasi
sa akin ang walang atubili
nakapagsasabi, nakakaramdam 
at nakababatid ng lahat
dangan nga kasi
ikaw ang sa akin nagsilang
sa iyong sinapupunan
hanggang libingan
dama ko ating kaisahan
pilit ko noon hinihiwalayan
kaya ngayon aking ramdam
kay laking kawalan kahit
nag-iisa ka lang.

*Salamuch talaga, Orange and Lemons.

Mula sa YouTube.com

Birthday & funeral

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 20 June 2024

As a priest for 26 years, I have been a frequent visitor to cemeteries to bless parishioners, friends and relatives who have died. It was more of duties and ministry for me as a priest except for some who were dear to me.

But, when mommy passed away last month, visiting the cemetery has become something more personal with much meaning deep within, now both our parents are gone. I did not feel it when daddy died 24 years ago on mommy’s birthday. Perhaps it was partly because of the fact I had to come and visit their graves so often these past days: for the wake and burial of mommy from May 7-11, then her 40th day June 15, then again on the 17th for her 85th birthday and dad’s 24th death anniversary. Of course, we are coming back July 26 for dad’s 92nd birthday.

So, definitely I shall be coming there more often in the years to come as a son, secondary only as a priest.

Now it has become clearer to us siblings why dad died on mom’s birthday 24 years ago: so that it is more economical – matipid – for us to come and visit their gravesites. Isang puntahan na lang! Birthday at kamatayan. How I really wish and pray daily our parents are already reunited finally in eternity to enjoy each other’s company again before God.

*Our parents, always together especially during meals.*

My parents were not perfect couple. They quarreled, had misunderstandings like most husband and wife. But they strived so hard in loving each other despite their imperfections along with ours their children. This they practiced so well on the dining table, always eating together.

From my earliest memory until I became a priest, they have always taken their meals together. Most often, it was my dad who would always wait for my mom to be back home and be told by her personally that she had eaten somewhere in a party. That’s the only time he would really eat while my mom sat beside him, serving him while telling him stories where she had gone with her friends. Many times we would tease mommy whenever friends would pick her up to an event or socials without dad. “Maghihintay na naman ang daddy sa inyo, hindi kakain yun.” But she would tell us often the glaring truth about my dad, “ang daddy ninyo walang sinasabi sa aking ganyan; basta alam niya aalis ako. Sabayan ninyo sa pagkain.”

*Our parents during their honeymoon in 1964.*

Of course, dad would wait for her and most often, he was the one serving us children during meal until his retirement!

When I was in the seminary until I became a priest, every time I would come home to visit them, dad would always ask me if I had eaten. Even if I told him I have had lunch or merienda, he would still get food and serve them on the table. What can I do, especially if he cooked mechado or pochero that Sunday and had kept some leftovers in the fridge? I would always eat everything para daw maubos na ang mga natira at mahugasan na ang mangkok. That’s how I learned that eating is also an apostoalte for us priests…

When daddy died suddenly of a heart attack before dawn on mommy’s birthday on June 17, 2000, I kept asking him why he died on that date. Every Sunday after my Masses, I would go to the cemetery and ask him that question again and again. “Dad, there are 365 days in a year… why June 17?”

My mom was inconsolable during daddy’s wake until his first death anniversary. Part of her really died with daddy’s demise. Most like why she had a stroke six years later.

*Mommy on her wedding day, 26 April 1964.*

They have always been together in almost everything. It was dad who would wake up ahead of mom to prepare breakfast, especially coffee. And only him knows so well when my mom is ready to sip her hot coffee he had prepared; that’s the time he would go upstairs to tell her breakfast was ready.

Whenever we have visitors at home especially during fiestas and holidays, they were all praises with our food. Naturally, they praised mommy, thinking mothers cooked best. But not in our home. And the funny thing was, both of them would fall silent when our food were praised: mom would never say it was dad who cooked nor claim the accolades while dad would never speak a word about it. That’s when we the children would tell our guests our dad was the chef, adding our mom was just for sigang, paksiw and monggo. That is why during our first Christmas without dad, when I went to visit mommy at the eve to give my gifts, I saw her crying while cooking, telling me how she missed dad who would do all the cooking. From then on, I have found the best excuse why we must just order food during family gatherings at home – not only to spare mommy of the troubles cooking but to have really delicious food!

*Our family after visiting our parents last June 17 on a vacation together.*

My dad finally answered my question a few months after his death why he died on mommy’s birthday. It happened in the most strange way because I am more closer to my dad than to mommy with whom I always had a lot of misunderstandings due to her always in opposition with my plans, even my entering the seminary to become a priest.

One time we had some tampuhan blues that I decided not to come home thrice on Sundays. On the fourth Sunday after my mass as I visited daddy’s gravesite, I asked him again my question. As usual, no reply but in some moments of silence, I felt him telling me in my heart, “Nick, I died on your mommy’s birthday so that you would love her much like I have loved her.”

Suddenly, I realized my sins against her, of how I have showed her my anger until tears rolled down my cheeks.

After saying my prayers and blessing his gravesite, I headed home to visit mommy. From then on, I have tried my very best to be like dad with my mom by being more loving, more caring, more understanding and on many occasions, playing deaf to what she said.

*Like our parents, we are always together in meals.*

People say we must visit three places once in a while, namely, hospital, prison, and cemetery. Hospital so that we may realize that there is nothing more beautiful than health; in the prison for us to see that freedom is most precious; and cemetery that life is worth nothing because the ground we walk today will be our roof tomorrow.

It is the love we have for each other that gives meaning to these places that make them worth visiting. As a priest and most of all, as a son, a brother, and a friend I have realized these so true. Don’t wait for death to come. Or birthdays. Sometimes, they happen simultaneously. Just keep loving.

Now they are both gone and hopefully together in eternity, every time I bless their gravesite, I feel them telling me the same thing – love my siblings the way they loved us. Thank you for taking time to read this piece, hope all’s well with you and your loved ones.

"No one has ever seen God.
Yet, if we love one another,
God remains in us,
and his love is brought to perfection
in us" (1 John 4:12).
Amen.

Pentecost, death & “re-membering”

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 22 May 2024

I have reflected last Sunday that Pentecost is not just an event in the past but a daily coming of the Holy Spirit upon us, enlightening us of so many things in life we used to take for granted. Like the value of every person, especially when there is a death of a loved one.

In fact, death is a Pentecost when the Holy Spirit comes to remind us that we never – and can never – replace our departed loved ones. Every person is irreplaceable, especially family members. The sooner we realize this, the better for us to avoid those guilty feelings later that we should have been more loving and kind, that we should have said “I love you” more often because we never know for how long we can be with our loved ones. One thing is for sure: we do not replace our deceased loved ones but simply re-member them.

Photo by author, *Bgy. Kaysuyo, Alfonso, Cavite, 27 April 2024.*

The word “remember” is very interesting.

It is from the root word “member” or “part”. When we put the prefix “re” which means “again”, “remember” means to make a part again of the present moment.

Every time we remember a person or an event, we make them part of our present moment. And they are most real, most present when our re-membering happens in the context of a family or a community. Re-membering someone by one’s self surely does happen a lot but very often, it is more of looking back to the past, recalling the days we used to be together. But when we remember somebody as a family or a community, the one we remember is indeed re-membered in our present, becomes real in everyone around celebrating his/her memory. Something concrete happens and the joy is more intense, leading to freedom from past, from pains and hurts of losing a loved one.

That is when death becomes a Pentecost. When the Holy Spirit came down upon the Apostles and the Blessed Virgin Mary in Jerusalem 50 days after Easter, the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity did not come to replace Jesus. The Holy Spirit is a distinct Person of the Trinity in whose power all the followers and believers of Christ have been empowered to make Him present until now in our collective re-membering of Him in the Church and the Sacraments. In the Holy Spirit who comes to us daily, we overcome and transcend every death we go through in life, enabling us to re-member our departed loved ones by being a member of those left behind.

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 18 March 2024.*

Since mommy’s death, I have gone home thrice already. How I loved to walk inside her room, trying so hard to get those feelings or vibes when she was still alive I miserably miss most as the days moved on.

One thing I have noticed, though, is that strange feeling of our home suddenly so empty as in “kakalog-kalog” as we say in Tagalog. Mommy ko lang nawala sa amin pero parang nawala ang lahat sa bahay?

Now I know better why the mother is the light of the family or “ilaw ng tahanan” because after she had died, her light in our home was turned off that seemed to have made our home so dark, so light and hollowed. However, when we gathered as siblings together with our nieces and nephew and relatives, the warmth of our home returns as if mommy is with us , still with us.

That is when the Holy Spirit comes amid the darkness of every death. A Pentecost when we are reminded of those still with us who must band closer together to make our departed more present in our collective re-membering. No wonder, it was also the final instruction of Jesus to His disciples at their Last Supper when He told them as He gave them the chalice to “Do this in memory of me” or “in remembrance of me”. In Greek, it is called anamnesis which is more than remembering or recalling but making present, making a reality.

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 March 2024.*

And the reality is this – every person is valuable beyond measure.

So fragile too! Because we can easily lose them in a snap.

We realize and feel this most true in death when we experience deeply “someone like me” whom I love, whom I care for is gone because in every death of a beloved, a part of us dies too. Even if he/she is an enemy or somebody we are not in good terms with, we feel a loss within because for better or worst, the deceased made us feel our humanity.

It is said that “one life is too many.” Very true. Today God gives us the gift and power to re-member those not with us by connecting with those still living with us. Make that connection now and soon you too shall see the face we sorely miss together. Have a blessed remaining half-week!

Coming home, going home

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 10 May 2024

*Photo by Veejay Villafranca/Bloomberg via Getty Images*

My most vivid image of mommy’s love for me is from June 1979 when I bid her goodbye in her sari-sari store on my way to the high school seminary. That was the last time I felt I was a kid, her child, when she hugged me tightly, then held my head and kissed me as she fixed by combed hair, telling me “magpapakabait ka doon, anak.”

She had always been against my entering the seminary, saying I was too young to know about the priesthood. She did all the scare tactics to me: “hindi ka mag-aasawa, isda at tuyo araw-araw ang ulam ninyo, hindi masarap pagkain doon…” She finally allowed me to enter the seminary on second year high school I believe after my dad had silently persuaded her.

It was funny because on my fourth year before graduation, I felt I was not ready yet for the major seminary that was eventually confirmed by the results of my entrance exam (psychological tests actually) to San Carlos Seminary that it was suggested I better leave the seminary.

*My mother Corazon before their wedding in 1964.*

Tama nga si mommy.

It was from then on when we had that kind of not so smooth mother-son relationship. I felt far from her as she would always say something to my plans and decisions. She was not really a contravida but more of an oppositionist. That is why when I felt my vocation anew later in 1988, I never told her about it until I was about to go back to the seminary. That time, there was no more hugging and kissing maybe because I was already an adult, a man bigger and stronger than her.

But what was most memorable for me now that she is gone was the scene every time I would go back the seminary and later to my assignments as a priest.

Whenever I would tell her “mommy, uuwi na po ako”, she would say while smiling, “e nasa bahay ka, paano ka pa uuwi?”

That happened so often that she sounded so corny but still, thank God, I never tired explaining to her, “uuwi sa seminaryo” later to Malolos then to Bagbaguin and now to Fatima. She never failed to banter with me with her dry humor and stroke during those moments of my leaving home. I think she was telling me in those every good bye of ours that my home would always be her, my family. That is why after her body was taken from her room last Tuesday morning, the scene that struck me most on her death was her empty room, vacant big bed.

As I left home pauwi sa Fatima, the morning sunshine were so lovely as it softly brightened mommy’s empty room as she is now “home” in heaven with daddy.

Overall, I feel so joyful and grateful in my mother’s demise. She left so peacefully in her sleep as I have prayed to God daily. The outpouring of love and sympathies and friends are beyond our expectations or imaginations. But, there is that fear, a dread in me about coming home, finding her room empty, telling me she is gone.

Mommy’s room is now empty but our hearts are so full of her love, of her memories, of her gift of self.

During the pandemic, I begged God not to take my mom yet. I told God I was not ready because she was primarily the reason I “go home”. As I reflect on the meaning of that image of her empty room, I realized that it is not about going home but coming home. We go home to the house and place but we come home to persons, to family and friends.

Pag-uwi in Tagalog which is literally coming home. Not going home. Because when we leave, we say uuwi also as we come home to our new home.

We Filipinos express both our kinship and Christian faith in our goodbyes.

Our professor in liturgy Msgr. Andy Valera used to tell us we never say aalis na ako or “I am leaving” because that means we are angry. It is very rude and should never be said when saying goodbye in any Filipino gathering. Instead, we say next to uuwi na ako either tutuloy na ako or mauna na ako. But, how can we make tuloy which is to enter when we are in fact leaving? And why say mauna na ako which means I’ll go ahead when nobody is going with you?

According to Msgr. Andy, our coming home indicates our theology of heaven: we all come home, uwi to heaven our true home that is why when we leave our gatherings we say tutuloy na ako because in the end, we enter heaven. Most of all, we say mauna na ako because nobody knows who is next to die.

What a beautiful lesson I just realized now after mommy had died; even if she’s gone and her empty is room, I will still come home to my sisters and brother, nieces and nephew, relatives and neighbors.

How lovely that despite the pain and emptiness death creates in us here on earth is also the grace of God to fill each others heart with His loving presence and joy as we await our final coming home to Him with our departed loved ones in heaven.

Jesus told his disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.”
John 14:1-3

The best way to come home to heaven is to come home often to our family and friends not only to dine and celebrate but most of all, to praise and thank God in prayers, especially the Sunday Mass. God bless everyone!

Death answers questions of life

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 09 May 2024

*Our mother had always loved flowers and shades of pink, especially pink carnation her favorite.*

It has been said death is the greatest equalizer. But with my mom’s recent passing, I realized too that death is the best explainer of life. Death is life’s final joke on us that answers, clarifies the many questions we have been asking in our lifetime.

Consider these:

Dad died on June 17, 2000, my mom’s 61st birthday; we celebrated his 40th day of death on his birthday, July 26, 2000. He died on a Saturday, the eve of Father’s Day.

Mommy died May 07, 2024 with her 40th day coming on June 15, two days before her 85th birthday and dad’s 24th death anniversary. This Sunday after her burial is Mother’s Day.

Ever since my father died, I have realized that death weaves a certain pattern in our lives, telling us a lot of things about us and our loved ones. And about life itself if we would have faith in God by setting aside our fears and superstitions.

Photo by author, *somewhere in Bgy. Kaysuyo, Alfonso, Cavite, 27 April 2024.*

See how Jesus spoke to His disciples about His coming death during their Last Supper:

“Now I am going to the one who sent me, and not one of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ But because I told you this, grief has filled your hearts. But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you… But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming.”
John 16:5-7, 13

It is always after someone had died when things and life itself become clearer for us. In every death comes an unfolding of truth in time, in persons. It is after a beloved had died when we realize how much we do not know of their goodness or kindness that often we are surprised at the outpouring of love by those who come to their wake. Many times, strangers know more of the brighter side of a person when he/she dies. Along this line of mystery of the person we find too how death happens on days that at first seem to mean nothing at all but at closer look, or later as we moved on in life after the demise of a loved one, we see how every death points to something about us and our family and friends!

Hence, we say death is not the end but the beginning of eternity. Actually, with the deaths of my father and now of my mom, I have found death is life. No wonder St. Francis referred to death as a person, calling him “cousin Death.”

This became more clear to me when I became a chaplain at the Fatima University Medical Center (FUMC) in Valenzuela City.

Last year I took care of an elderly priest, Msgr. Teng Manlapig when he was confined in our hospital for almost a month. Two days before he died on February 26, 2023, he asked me to hear his confession. It was a Friday and February 26 last year was the first Sunday in Lent when the gospel was the temptation of Christ in the wilderness.

It was on that Sunday evening after seeing Msgr. Teng for the last time before he was taken to the funeral parlor when I remembered another priest I had cared during his dying days, Msgr. Macario Manahan who died in front of me in his retirement home on March 16, 2014 – the second Sunday in Lent when the gospel was the Transfiguration.

What a tremendous gift from God for me to care until their deaths of two monsignori in the Season of Lent. From them I have realized that our final altar as priests are our deathbeds where even to the end, we celebrate Mass and the Sacraments. From that day on too, I have prayed to God to allow me to go home to Him not during Lent but on Easter. Or, preferably on Ascension Sunday when my time comes.

Have a blessed day celebrating life, finding its meaning and beauty in the prism of cousin Death in Jesus Christ. Amen.