40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II Thursday after Ash Wednesday, 06 March 2025 Deuteronomy 30:15-20 + Luke 9:22-25
Why always the Cross, Lord Jesus Christ? Many times I grapple not only with myself but especially with others at how to explain, what to tell them the need for your Cross when all in our lives has always been the cross. Even the simple act of choosing, of deciding is a cross.
And yet, we still foolishly choose death in the process by avoiding your Cross, Lord.
Moses said to the people: “Today I have set before you life and prosperity, death and doom” (Deuteronomy 30:15).
In this Season of Lent, let me appreciate anew the beauty and majesty, nobility and divinity of your Cross, Jesus; always looming in our lives is your Cross because that is where you are always found, that is where you stay most of the time to heal us, to forgive us, to save us. There is always the Cross in our lives because it is the direction to life, to fulfillment, to fruitfulness in you, Jesus who was the first to suffer and die on the Cross for us so we can have life. Let us carry our Cross to make that crossing into life in you. Amen.
The Lord Is My Chef Sunday Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II Thirty-Third Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle B, 17 November 2024 Daniel 12:1-3 ><}}}}*> Hebrews 10:11-14, 18 ><}}}}*> Mark 13;24-32
Photo by author, the Mount of Olives as seen from the Temple of Jerusalem, May 2019.
We are now at the penultimate Sunday of our Church calendar ending on the Solemnity of Christ the King next week to usher in the four Sundays of Advent before Christmas. That is why every 33rd Sunday, we hear Jesus speaking about the end of everything to usher in new beginnings in Him.
Jesus said to his disciples: “In those days after that tribulation the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from the sky, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in the clouds’ with great power and glory, and then he will send out the angels and gather his elect from the four winds, from the end of the earth to the end of the sky” (Mark 13:24-27).
After spending a day of teaching at the Temple wherein the Twelve were so impressed with its beauty, Jesus warned them of its impending destruction, explaining it further as they proceeded to rest on Mount of Olives overlooking Jerusalem below with the magnificent Temple.
No, Jesus was not a “KJ” at all.
Jesus was simply telling His disciples including us today of life’s natural cycles of endings and beginnings. Actually, long before Jesus came, people have always been preoccupied with thoughts of the “end of the world” – with or without God – which persist to these days.
Jesus reminds us this Sunday that indeed, the world is going to end but, it is not just a catastrophic end destroying everything. It is an end with a direction, to God and eternal life. It is an end we have to joyously await and prepare for as a new beginning in Jesus Christ.
“Learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its branch becomes tender and sprouts leaves, you know that summer is near. In the same way, when you see these things happening, know that he is near, at the gates… But of that day or hour, no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father” (Mark 13:28-29, 32).
"Learn a lesson from the fig tree."
Again, Jesus spoke here in parable which is also the word for “lesson” in Mark’s original Greek writing of the gospel. A parable is a simple story with a deep, profound reality and lesson. That is why Jesus used it so often just like here a few days before His Pasch.
And this is the lesson or parable of the fig tree that Jesus spoke of: most of the trees in Jerusalem are evergreen that keep their leaves all year round despite the changing of season while fig trees are deciduous that shed their leaves in winter and summer. This changing condition made the fig tree a perfect parable about the end of the world that Jesus was speaking of – an end of the season to usher in a new one!
In theology, we call this study of the “end” or “last” things as eschatology. There are two kinds of last things in life that we deal in eschatology: our individual end in our death (particular) and the parousia which is the Second Coming of Jesus Christ at the end of the world (general).
Of course, it is always fearful to think of both endings. We hate endings because they are good byes. However, we know deep inside ourselves too that despite that “sweet, sweet sorrow” of every ending comes also a more wonderful hello, a more amazing new beginning. In reality, there are no endings but more beginnings: when children move out of the home to study, they begin their adult life in college; later on, they leave home for good to get married to start a family of their own. Life is a cycle of beginnings and ends that goes on and on and on.
The trick is really to learn the lesson of the fig tree, that is, to live our lives to the fullest in each season and phase, to learn to let go of the past, to savor every present and look forward to every tomorrow. Yes, it is easier said than done but, as we mature and age gracefully in Jesus Christ, we become fulfilled, less stressed amid the many things we are totally unaware and ignorant of what both particular and general endings would bring us.
In presenting to us the parable or lesson of the fig tree regarding the end of our lives or the end of the world – both of which nobody knows when – Jesus is actually encouraging us to live more faithfully in Him and His gospel.
It is useless to know the precise date and hour of both endings nor the exact indications of its imminence; what matters most is that every moment of our lives, we live in Jesus Christ our High Priest who had offered Himself for our salvation (second reading). There is no point in interpreting even visualizing how St. Michael would battle the devil at the end of time; what the prophet Daniel is telling us is how we are assured of victory and salvation in the end if remain faithful to God (first reading).
Live fully by celebrating life. All throughout the year, we have heard Jesus reminding us, assuring us how much He loves us so immensely that is why He became human like us; in His coming, He joined us in all our sufferings except sin to show us that the path back to the Father in heaven is through the path of His Cross.
Despite my coming to Israel thrice, I have never tasted a fresh fig but have always loved it even better than dates. Its sweet taste and tiny bits of seeds inside make it always a pleasure to eat. If we can truly learn its lesson, we can end up like figs too – delightfully sweet inside.
I recently bought an electric shave as an early Christmas gift to myself. I really don’t mind seeing my hair including mustache and beard turning grey and white; what bothers me lately is how my skin has become so easily irritated by my razor. Yes, I am getting older with skin sagging and add to that a vision getting blurred that shaving with a razor every morning is no longer fun but short of an agony.
As I examined my new shave set, I remembered a Japanese saying I used to tell young people before in my talks and recollections, “Growing up is nice, but sometimes painful.”
Indeed, growing up is nice – and ageing is even nicer though twice painful sometimes.
Like the fig tree, I can sense losing a lot of myself daily, yet becoming more tender and softer in the process, simpler and more joyful, perhaps. To my fellow 59ers and above, May the Lord Jesus lead us through the end in His loving embrace. Amen.
Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-01 ng Nobyembre 2024
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 Marso 2024.
Salamuch sa mainit na pagtanggap sa ating nakaraang lathalaing nagpapaliwanag sa ilang mga pamahiin sa paglalamay sa patay.
Sa ating pagsisikap na tuntunin pinagmulan ng mga pamahiin sa paglalamay, nakita rin natin ang kapangyarihan ng mga kaisipan ng tao na mahubog ang kamalayan at kaugalian ng karamihan sa pamamagitan ng mga ito.
Ang nakakatuwa po, mayroon namang praktikal na dahilan sa likod ng maraming pamahiin katulad po ng maraming nagtatanong, bakit daw masamang magwalis kapag mayroong patay?
Larawan kuha ni Fr. Pop dela Cruz, San Miguel, Bulacan, 2022.
Sa mga katulad kong promdi o laki sa probinsiya inabutan ko pa mga kapitbahay naming nakatira sa kubo at mga sinaunang tirahan na mayroong bubong na pawid at silong sa ilalim. Tablang kahoy ang mga sahig kung mayroong kaya at masinsing kinayas na mga kawayan kung hindi naman nakakaangat sa buhay. Ang silong palagi ay lupa din, mataas lang ng kaunti sa kalsada. Bihira naka-tiles noon. Kaya, masama ring ipanhik ng bahay ang tsinelas o bakya o sapatos kasi marumi mga ito.
Masama o bawal magwalis kapag mayroong lamay sa patay kasi nakakahiya sa mga panauhin na nakikiramay – mag-aalikabok sa buong paligid! Liliparin mga lupa at buhangin kasama na mga mikrobyo.
Marumi, sa madaling salita. Kaya ang utos ng matatanda, pulutin mga kalat gaya ng balat ng kendi o butong-pakwan. Noong mamatay Daddy ko, hindi ko matandaan kung tinupad namin pamahiing ito pero hindi ko malimutan paano nilinis ng mga kapit-bahay aming bahay nang ihatid na namin sa huling hantungan aking ama. Bagaman bawal magwalis noong lamay, asahan mo naman puspusang paglilinis ng mga kapit-bahay at kaanak pagkalibing ng inyong patay.
Kapag ako po ay tinatanong kung “naniniwala” sa pamahiin, “hindi” po ang aking sagot kasi iisa lang aking pinaniniwalaan, ang Diyos nating mapagmahal. Tandaan turo ni San Pablo noon sa marami niyang mga sulat, hindi mga ritual at kaugalian nagliligtas sa atin kungdi tanging si Kristo Jesus lamang.
Bakit lamay o "wake" ang pagbabantay sa patay?
Nakakatawa at marahil mahirap paniwalaan sagot sa tanong na iyan. Ang paglalamay ay hindi pagtulog sa gabi dahil sa mga gawain at gampanin kinakailangang tuparin. Wake ang Inggles nito na ibig sabihin ay “gising” tulad ng awake.
Naglalamay ang mga tao noong unang panahon lalo na sa Europa kapag mayroong namamatay upang matiyak na talagang namatay na nga kanilang pinaglalamayan. Inihihiga ang hinihinalang namatay sa mesa habang mga naglalamay ay nagkakainan at nag-iinuman upang hindi antukin; higit sa lahat, baka sakaling magising at matauhan hinihinalang patay sa kanilang ingay.
Alalahaning wala pang mga duktor noon na maaring magdeklarang pumanaw na ngang tunay ang isang tao; kaya, hindi malayo na may pagkakataong ang mga inaakalang namatay ay nag-comatose lamang. Kapag hindi pa rin nagising sa ingay ng kainan at inuman ng mga naglamay ang patay pagsapit ng bukang-liwayway, ipinapalagay nila noon na tunay na ngang patay iyon at saka pa lamang pag-uusapan ang libing.
Nang maglaon sa paglaganap ng Kristiyanidad, ang lamay na dati ay kainan at inuman, naging panahon ng pagdarasal ngunit hindi rin nawala mga kainan at inuman sa mga lamayan upang huwag antukin. At higit sa lahat, para maraming makiramay na ibig sabihin, mabuting tao namatay.
Mga salita at kaalaman natutunan dahil sa mga patay...
Heto ngayon ang magandang kuwento mula sa kasaysayan kung paanong napagyaman ng mga tradisyon sa paglalamay ng namatay ang ating mga wika maging kaisipan. Kitang-kita ito sa kulturang banyaga tulad ng mga Inggles.
Nagtataka maraming archaeologists sa ilang mga takip ng kabaong sa Inglatera ay mayroong kalmot ng kuko ng daliri. At maraming bahid ng dugo.
Napag-alaman sa pagsasaliksik na may mga pagkakataong nalilibing mga yumao noon na hindi pa naman talagang patay! Kaya, kapag sila ay nagkamalay o natauhan habang nakalibing, pinagtutulak nila ang takip ng kabaong hanggang sa pagkakalmutin upang makalabas hanggang sa tuluyang mamatay na nga sa libingan.
Kaya naisipan ng mga tao noon na magtalaga ng bantay sa sementeryo lalo na mula alas-diyes ng gabi hanggang pagsikat ng araw na siyang pinagmulan ng katagang graveyard shift – literal na pagtatanod sa sementeryo o “graveyard” upang abangan sakaling mabuhay ang nalibing.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, libingan ng mga pari at hermanong Heswita sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, ika-20 ng Marso 2024.
Ganito po ang siste: tinatalian ng pisi ang daliri o kamay ng bawat namamatay kapag inilibing. Nakadugtong ang taling ito sa isang kililing o bell sa tabi ng bantay ng sementeryo, yung nasa graveyard shift.
Nakaangat ng kaunti ang takip ng kanyang kabaong at hindi lubusang tinatabunan kanyang libingan upang sakaling magkamalay, tiyak magpipiglas ito sa loob ng kabaong para makalabas… tutunog ang kililing sa gitna ng dilim ng gabi para magising o matawag pansin ng bantay na agad sasaklolo upang hanguin ang buhay na nalibing.
Isipin ninyo eksena sa sementeryo sa kalagitnaan ng dilim ng gabi… at biglang mayroong kikililing? Sinong hindi matatakot sa taong nalibing na biglang nabuhay? Doon nagmula ang salitang dead ringer na ibig sabihin ay isang taong nakakatakot o kakila-kilabot. Ikaw ba namang magtrabao ng graveyard shift sa sementeryo at kalagitnaan ng gabi ay tumunog kililing… marahil magkakaroon ka rin ng tililing sa takot!
Kaugnay din nito, alam ba ninyo na mayroong nakatutuwang kuwento rin ang paglalagay ng lapida sa libingan ng ating mga yumao?
Balikan ang Bagong Tipan ng Banal na Kasulatan na nagsasaad ng isa sa mga pangunahin nating pinananampalatayanan: ang muling pagbabalik ni Jesus o Second Coming of Christ na tinuturing end of the world.
Takot na takot mga unang Kristiyano sa paniniwalang ito na baka wala pa ang Panginoon ay magsibangon kaagad mga naunang namatay sa kanila!
Ang kanilang solusyon, lagyan ng mabigat na batong panakip ang mga libingan tulad ng lapidang marmol upang hindi agad bumangon ang patay bago ang Second Coming of Christ o Parousia.
Isa iyan sa mga dahilan kung bakit sinesemento rin mga puntod at libingan: upang huwag unahan pagbabalik ni Jesus.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, libingan ng mga pari at hermanong Heswita sa Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, ika-20 ng Marso 2024.
Kahalagahan ng pagsisimba... hanggang kamatayan... bago ilibing.
Mula sa tahanan, dumako naman tayo ngayon sa loob ng simbahan para sa pagmimisa sa mga yumao. Pagmasdan po ninyong mabuti posisyon ng mga kabaong ng mga patay kapag minimisahan.
Kapag po layko ang namatay katulad ng karamihan sa inyo na hindi pari o relihiyoso… pagmasdan ang kanilang paa ay nakaturo sa dambana o altar habang ang ulunan ay nakaturo sa mga tao o nagsisimba.
Kuha ng may-akda, 2018.
Ito ay dahil sa huling sandali ng pagpasok ng sino mang binyagan sa simbahan, siya pa rin ay nagsisimba. Pansinin na nakaturo kayang mga paa sa altar at ulo naman sa pintuan dahil kapag siya ay ibinangon, nakaharap pa rin siya sa altar, nagsisimba, nagdarasal.
Kapag pari naman ang namatay, katulad ko (punta po kayo), ang aming mga paa ay nakaturo sa pintuan ng simbahan at ulo naroon sa direksiyon ng dambana.
Hanggang sa huling pagpasok naming pari sa simbahan bago ilibing, kami ay nagmimisa pa rin ang anyo: nakaharap sa mga tao kung ibabangon mula sa pagkaposisyon ng aming ulo nakaturo sa altar at mga paa sa pintuan.
Larawan kuha ng may akda ng pinakamahal at isa sa matandang sementeryo sa mundo; mga paa ay nakaposisyon sa silangang pintuan ng Jerusalem upang makaharap kaagad ang Mesiyas na inaasahang magdaraan doon kapag dumating. Ang totoo, doon nga dumaaan si Jesus pagpasok ng Jerusalem mahigit 2000 taon na nakalipas.
Salamuch muli sa inyong pagsubaybay sa ating pagninilay at pagpapaliwanag ng ilang mga pamahiin at paniniwala kaugnay ng mga namatay. Ang mahalaga sa lahat ng ito ay patuloy tayong mamuhay sa kabanalan at kabutihan na naka-ugat palagi sa Diyos sa buhay panalangin (prayer life) na ang rurok ay ang Banal na Misa.
Huwag na nating hintayin pa kung kailan patay na tayo ay siyang huling pasok din natin sa simbahan na hindi makasalita ni makarinig o makakita. Tandaan, ang pagsisimba tuwing Linggo ay dress rehearsal natin ng pagpasok sa langit!
Kaya ngayong todos los santos, unahing puntahan ang simbahan upang magsimba. Tiyak makakatagpo natin doon ang ating yumao sa piling ng Diyos, kesa sa sementeryo napuro patay at mga kalansay. Amen.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, bukang-liwayway sa Camp John Hay, Baguio City, Nobyembre 2018.
Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-31 ng Oktubre 2024
Larawan kuha ni G. Jim Marpa, 2018.
“Say it with flowers” ang marahil isa na sa mga pinakamabisa at totoong pagpapahayag ng saloobin sa lahat ng pagkakataon. Wala ka na talagang sasabihin pa kapag ikaw ay nagbigay ng bulaklak kanino man. Ano man ang okasyon. Buhay man. O patay na.
Mababango at makukulay na bulaklak. Mas maganda at mas mahal, pinakamabuti lalo’t higit kung ibibigay sa sinisinta upang mabatid nilalaman ng dibdib ng isang mangingibig.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda sa Benguet, 12 Hulyo 2023.
Sa buong daigdig, nag-iisang wika at salita ang mga bulaklak na ginagamit upang ihatid ang tuwa at kagalakan sa sino man nagdiriwang ng buhay at tagumpay, maging ng kagalingan at lakas sa may tinitiis na sakit at hilahil. Sari-saring kulay, hugis at anyo, iisa ang pinangungusap ng bulaklak sa lahat ng pagkakataon, buhay at kagalakan at kaisahan ng magkakaibigan at magkasintahan, mag-asawa at mag-anak, magkaano-ano man.
Marahil kasunod nating mga tao, ang mga bulaklak na ang pinakamagagandang nilikha ng Diyos upang ipadama at ilarawan sa atin Kanya at maging atin ding katapatan at kadalisayan ng loobin at hangarin. Alalahanin paalala ni Jesus sa atin, “Isipin ninyo kung paano sumisibol ang mga bulaklak sa parang…maging si Solomon ay hindi nakapagsuot ng kasingganda ng isa sa mga bulaklak na ito, bagamat napakariringal ang mga damit niya” (Mt. 6:28, 29).
Larawan kuha ng may-akda sa Benguet, 12 Hulyo 2023.
Kapag ako ay nagkakasal, palagi kong ipinaaalala sa magsing-ibig ang kahulugan ng maraming gayak na bulaklak sa dambana ng simbahan na nagpapahiwatig ng larawan ng Paraiso.
Alalaong baga, bawat Sakramento ng Kasal ay “marriage made in heaven” – malayang ginawa at pinagtibay ng magsing-ibig sa harap ng Diyos at ng Kanyang Bayan sa loob ng simbahan. Kaya wika ko sa kanila, ipagpatuloy ang pagbibigay ng bulaklak sa maybahay kahit hindi anibersaryo, lalo na kapag mayroon silang “lover’s quarrel” bilang tanda ng “ceasefire”.
Kaya naman maski sa kamatayan, mayroon pa ring mga bulaklak na ibinibigay tanda hindi lamang ng pagmamahal kungdi ng pag-asa na harinawa, makapiling na ng yumao ang Diyos at Kanyang mga Banal sa langit. Gayon din naman, dapat katakutan ng sino mang buhay pa ang padalhan ng korona ng patay o bulaklak sa patay dahil babala ito ng masamang balak laban sa kanyang buhay.
Lamay ni Mommy noong Mayo 7, 2024; paborito niya ang kulay pink at bulaklak na carnation.
Dagdag kaalaman ukol sa mga bulaklak sa patay: isang dahilan kaya pinupuno ng maraming mababangong bulaklak ang pinaglalamayan ng patay ay upang matakpan masamang amoy ng yumao dahil noong unang panahon, wala pa namang maayos na sistema ng pag-eembalsamo maging ng mga gamot para ma-preserve ang labi ng yumao. Kapansin-pansin ngayon lalo sa social media kapag mayroong namamatay, ipinapahayag ng mga naulila na huwag nang magbigay o mag-alay ng mga bulaklak bagkus ay ibigay na lamang sa favorite charity ng yumao. Kundangan kasi ay malaking halaga ng pera ang magagarang bulaklak sa patay; kesa ipambili yamang malalanta rin naman, minamabuti ng mga naulila ng yumao na mag-donate na lamang sa favorite charity ng pumanaw nilang mahal sa buhay.
Marahil ay hindi ito matatanggap hindi lamang ng mga Pilipino kungdi ng karamihan ng tao sa buong mundo; higit pa ring napapahayag ang pakikiramay at pagmamahal sa namatay at mga naulila sa pamamagitan ng bulaklak dahil malalim na katotohanang taglay ng mga ito.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, 2018.
Tuwing Sabado Santo noong nasa parokya pa ako, gustung-gusto ko palagi sa aming umagang panalangin (lauds) na ipinahahayag iyong tagpo ng paglilibing kay Hesus.
Sa pinagpakuan kay Jesus ay may isang halamanan, at dito’y may isang bagong libingang hindi pa napaglilibingan. Yamang noo’y araw ng Paghahanda ng mga Judio, at dahil sa malapit naman ang libingang ito, doon nila inilibing si Jesus (Juan 19:41-42).
Inilibing si Jesus sa may halamanan, garden sa Inggles. Nagpapahiwatig muli ng Paraiso, hindi ba.
Kay sarap namnamin ng tagpo ng Pasko ng Pagkabuhay ni Jesus doon sa “halamanan” na muli ay paalala sa atin ng “return to Paradise”, “return to Eden” ika nga. Kaya nang lapitan ni Jesus si Magdalena nang umiiyak dahil wala ang Panginoon sa libingan, napagkamalan niya si Jesus bilang hardinero.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, halamanan sa St. Agnes Catholic Church, Jerusalem, Mayo 2017.
Noong Martes, sinabi ni Jesus sa ebanghelyo na ang paghahari ng Diyos ay “Katulad ng isang butil ng mustasa na itinamin ng isang tao sa kanyang halaman” (Lk.13:19).
Bawat isa sa atin ay halamanan ng Diyos, a garden of God. A paradise in ourselves.
Maraming pagkakataon pinababayaan natin ating mga sarili tulad ng halamanang hindi dinidilig ni nililinang. Kung minsan naman, hindi nating maintindihan sa kabila ng ating pangangalaga, tila walang nangyayari sa ating sarili, tulad ng halamanang walang tumubo o lumago, mamunga o mamulaklak sa kabila ng pagaasikaso?
Nguni’t maraming pagkakataon din naman na namumulaklak, nagbubunga tayo tulad ng halamanan dahil ang tunay na lumilinang sa atin ay ang Panginoong Diyos na mapagmahal!
Ilang araw pagkaraan ng Pasko nang kami’y magtanghalian ng barkada, 2023.
Noong Disyembre 2022, umuwi isa naming dating teacher at kaming magkakaibigan ay nagsama-sama para sa isa pang dati naming kasama sa ICSM-Malolos, si Teacher Ceh.
Umuwi siya mula Bahrain noong 2020 dahil sa cancer at sumailalim siya ng chemotherapy.
Dahil Pasko, niregaluhan ko siya ng orchid.
Enero 2023 namasyal kami sa Tagaytay at napakasaya namin noon. Gustung-gusto niyang pinupuntahan ang Caleruega tuwing umuuwi siya mula Bahrain kung saan siya nagturo matapos mag-resign sa aming diocesan school.
Ang akala namin ay papagaling na si Teacher Ceh at dadalas na aming pagkikitang magkakaibigan mula noong simula ng 2023. Pagkatapos ng huli niyang chemotherapy noong Setyembre, nabatid na mababagsik kanyang cancer cells at hindi nagtagal, pumanaw si Teacher Ceh noong ika-16 ng Oktubre 2023.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, 16 Oktubre 2024.
Isang araw bago sumapit kanyang babang-luksa, ibinalita sa amin ng kanyang Ate na umuwi mula Amerika na buhay at namumulaklak ang bigay kong orchid kay Teacher Ceh. Dinala niya ito nang magmisa ako sa kanyang puntod kinabukasan para sa kanyang ibis luksa.
Laking tuwa namin sa gitna ng nakakikilabot na pagkamangha nang makita naming magkakaibigan ang regalo kong orchids kay Teacher Ceh.
Isa’t kalahating taon pagkaraan naming huling magsama-samang magkakaibigan, isang taon makalipas ng kanyang pagpanaw, buhay at namulaklak pa rin ang orchid kong bigay sa kanya na tila nangungusap na masayang-masaya, buhay na buhay si Teacher Ceh doon sa langit!
Sa aking silid; bigay lamang po iyang halaman na iyan at di ko alam pangalan.
Ako man ay nagtataka. Kung kailan wala na aking Mommy, saka ako nakakabuhay ng mga halaman. Green thumb kasi si Mommy.
Kahit maliit lamang aming lupain, sagana siya sa pananim mula sa mga rosas at orchids, cactus at mga mayana, mga sari-saring halaman sa paso maging papaya, atis, langka, pati kamote at sili sa gilid ng bahay namin ay mayroon siya.
Ito yung flower vase ng mga napatay kong waterplant sa dati kong assignment; ayaw ko sanang dalhin sa paglipat dito sa Valenzuela pero awa ng Diyos, buhay pa halaman mula 2021.
Nakakatawa, ako hindi makabuhay ng halaman. Muntik pa akong bumagsak ng first year high school sa gardening kasi hindi ako makabuhay ng ano mang panananim maliban sa kamote. Sabi ni Mommy sa akin noon, kapag iyong kamote hindi ko pa nabuhay, ako ang talagang kamote!
Nang magkaroon ako ng sariling parokya noong 2011, nakakadalaw pa siya at simba sa amin noon tuwing Linggo. Ipinagyabang ko sa kanya mga alaga kong water plants sa kuwarto ngunit pagkaraan ng ilang buwan, namatay mga iyon. Sabi niya ulit sa akin, “ano ka ba naman anak, water plant na lang napapatay mo pa? Masyadong mainit iyong mga kamay,” aniya.
Hoya daw ito na nakuha ko noong aking personal retreat sa Sacred Heart Novaliches noong 2022; buhay pa rin hanggang ngayon sa aking banyo.
Isang bagay nakalimutan kong sabihin kay Mommy bago siya mamatay ay nakakabuhay na ako ng water plant sa kuwarto ko sa bago kong assignment sa Fatima Valenzuela.
Ako ay nagugulat sa sarili ko ngunit ngayon ko lamang napagnilayan nang makita ko ang orchids na regalo ko kay Teacher Ceh: apat na taon nang buhay aking mga water plant sa kwarto mula nang malipat ako dito noong 2021.
Hindi ko rin alam pangalan ng halamang ito na bigay sa akin pero nakapagpatubo na ako ng isa pa niyang sanga nasa aking office sa University; yung orchids bigay sa akin noong Abril, wala nang bulaklak pero buhayn pa rin. Himala!
Parang sinasabi sa akin ng mga alagang kong water plant na marahil, buhay na buhay at tuwang tuwa na rin si Mommy at nakabuhay ako ng halaman.
Kasi sabi niya kasi sa aking noong maliit pa ako, dapat daw marunong akong mag-alaga ng halaman at hayop dahil tanda raw iyon na makakabuhay na rin ako ng tao.
Siguro nga. Kaya ko nang mabuhay maski wala na siya, paalala marahil nitong aking mga halaman. Flowers for you, kaibigan.
Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-30 ng Oktubre 2024
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, St. Scholastica Retreat House, Tagaytay City, Agosto 2024.
Heto na naman ang panahon ng maraming pagtatanong at pagpapaliwanag sa ating mga pamahiin ukol sa paglalamay sa mga patay. Matagal ko nang binalak isulat mga ito nang mamatay aking ama noong taong 2000.
Biglaan ang kanyang pagpanaw noon. Katunayan, madaling araw ng kaarawan ni Mommy, ika-17 ng Hunyo 2000. Dalawang taon pa lamang akong pari. Nasunod ang aming mga kamag-anak na sa aming tahanan paglamayan si Daddy. At noon pinuna ng ilang matatanda ang aking kawalan ng kaalaman sa maraming pamahiin at kaugalian tuwing mayroong paglalamay sa patay.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, St. Scholastica Retreat House, Tagaytay City, Agosto 2024.
Napuna noon ng nanay ng isang kaibigan na naghahatid ako ng mga panauhin matapos makiramay sa amin. Wika niya sa akin, “alam ko” aniya, “marami kayong alam at napag-aralan, Father; hiling ko lang po sana sa inyo na igalang pamahiin naming matatanda ukol sa lamay ng patay… masama ang naghahatid ng mga nakikiramay.”
Humingi ako ng paumanhin at iyon ang una kong aral sa mga pamahiin lalo sa probinsiya – pag-galang at respeto. Huwag nating pagtawanan kanilang pamahiin at kaugalian bagkus pagnilayan, pag-aralan at tuntunin pinagmulan ng mga iyon. Higit kong naunawaan ang mga ito sa aking pagtanda lalo nang pumanaw si Mommy nitong nakaraang Mayo. Ito po ay aking sariling pagsusuri, opinyon na maaring tama o mali. Kayo na ang tumimbang kung tatanggapin at paniniwalaan.
Bago po ang lahat, ibig kong bigyang pansin ang salitang ginagamit na “bawal” at “masama” tulad ng “bawal ang ganito, masama ang ganire”. Iisa lang kahulugan nito sa ating mga Pinoy. Dito ating makikita ang positibong katangian natin na magkasing-kahulugan ang bawal at masama kasi “ano mang bawal, tiyak masama”! Kaya, heto na po ang ilang mga pamahiin at aking paliwanag na marahil na dahilan o pinagmulan:
Bawal o masama magpasalamat sa mga nakikiramay ang namatayan. Ito palagi sinasabi sa akin ng mga nakiramay sa amin noong mamatay aming mga magulang. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan.
Tanging sumasagi sa aking isipan ang kasabihan na ang “paglalamay lamang ang hindi pinangungumbida.” Alalaong-baga, sa amin sa probinsiya, masusukat ang husay at kabutihan ng sino man sa kanyang pagpanaw: kung maraming makipaglamay at makiramay, siya ay mabuti; kung kakaunti, marahil hindi siya ganoong kabuti. Kaya walang dapat ipagpasalamat sa mga nakiramay dahil binabalik lamang nila kabutihan ng namatay.
Ngunit nang pumanaw si Mommy noong Mayo, noon ko higit naintindihan ito di lamang mas matanda na ako kungdi dahil marami na akong pinakiramayan bilang pari. Ayaw ng mga panauhin sila ay pasalamatan dahil ang kanilang pakikiramay ay pagbabalik ng kabutihang ginawa di lamang ng pumanaw kungdi pati ng mga naulila tulad ko na pari.
Larawan kuha ng ni G. Noli Yamsuan, Manila Cathedral, 2010.
Palaging sinasabi ng mga nakikiramay maging ng mga paring dumalaw sa amin kung paano ako noong sila’y nagdadalamhati ay akin ding sinamahan sa pagdiriwang ng Banal na Misa o maski pagbabasbas lamang. Kinuwento ng marami sa kanila kung paanong di nila malimutan mga iyon, pati na rin nang dalawin ko at dasalan kanilang mahal sa buhay habang may karamdaman.
Kay tamis maalala na di nila kinalimutan pakikiramay ko noon. At wala nang higit pang tatamis itong aking naranasan pagkamatay ni Mommy, sumunod kanyang nakatatandang kapatid. Nalaman ng ilan kong dating parokyano at kusa din silang nagtungo sa lamay ng aking Tita. Nagulat mga pinsan ko nang sila ay magpakilala at ang sabi daw sa kanila, “naku, si Father pinuntahan lahat ng aming mga patay kaya kami narito ngayon.”
Hindi naman sa sinusuklian ating kabutihan kungdi patunay ito na hindi nalilimutan ng mga tao ating pakikiramay sa pagpanaw ng mahal nila sa buhay; dala-dala nila ito palagi at kinukuwento sa mga bata kung paanong dumamay mga tao sa kanilang pighati. Sakaling mayroong kaaway o kaalitan ang pumanaw, doon din nakikilala kabutihan ng sino man. Marami akong napansin mga kamag-anakan lumalambot ang kalooban kapag nagpunta at nakiramay nakaalitan ng kanilang pumanaw subalit, kung magmatigas yaong kaaway at ni hindi man lang sumilip sa lamay lalo na kung kababaryo, itaga mo sa bato, sasabihin ng mga kaanak sadyang masama iyan.
Kaya, bukod sa hindi sinasabi ang “salamat” sa lamayan, laging pakatandaan sa ating mga Filipino, ang pakikiramay ang isa sa mga pinakamagandang paraan ng pakikipag-kapwa tao dahil hanggang kamatayan, laan tayo makipag-ugnayan.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Agosto 2024.
Bawal o masama maghatid ng mga nakiramay. Nakakatawa po ito nguni’t tunay na tunay lalo sa aking karanasan. Hindi na dapat maghatid sa mga nakiramay ang namatayan dahil maraming maraming iba pang dumarating na panauhin at baka ikaw lang ang nakakakilala sa kanila.
Alam naman ninyo tayong mga Pinoy: sasakay na lang o nakasakay na nga sa kotse, hindi pa matapos ang mga kuwentuhan natin! Kaya kung maraming nakikiramay at isa isang ihahatid mga nagpapaalam, wala nang makapag-eestima sa mga dumarating na iba pa. Praktikal ang pamahiing ito.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 Marso 2024.
Bawal o masama magbaon ng pagkain at inumin mula sa lamay. Nakakatawa din ito. Ngunit gaya ng bawal na paghahatid sa mga nakikiramay, praktikal ang pamahiing bawal mag-uwi ng pagkain at inumin mula sa lamay.
Nang mamatay si Mommy noong Mayo, dalawamput-anim na taon na akong pari, matagal na ring nagsipagtrabaho mga kapatid ko at marami na ring kaklase at kaibigan mga anak nila. Sa dami ng aming mga nakilala, lahat dumarating para makiramay. Bagamat marami ang mayroong bigay ding pagkain at inumin sa kabila ng saganang handa naming pagkain na pina-caterer pa, may isang gabing halos kinapos aming handa kaya nagpabili pa ng lechon manok kapatid ko!
Kung bawat bisita ay mag-uuwi nga naman ng mamon o magsha-Sharon Cuneta ng lumpiang shanghai at iba pang ulam, mauubos ang pagkain at baka walang maihain sa mga darating iba pa lalo na kung hating gabi na. At iyan ang tunay na masama sa paguuwi ng pagkain at inumin mula sa patay: nauubusan mga maglalamay!
Dagdag kuwento: ayaw na ayaw iyan ng aking kasambahay noon na si “Manang” sa aming kumbento. Hindi niya kinakain mga “take home” sa akin at madalas, pinamimigay pa niya sa iba. Masama daw baka ako magkasakit. Pero, kapag kakaiba at masarap mga pagkaing uwi ko mula sa lamayan lalo ng mga rich at showbiz friends ko, okey lang sa kanyang kainin mga iyon! Ano nga ba masama? Wala maliban sa ating nabanggit na dahilan.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Nagsasa Cove, San Antonio, Zambales, 19 Oktubre 2024.
Bawal o masama maligo kapag mayroong patay. Siyempre! Puyat kasi tayo sa paglalamay kaya dapat magpahinga muna saka maligo. Iyon lang iyon.
Noong Hunyo, isang dating kasamahan kong DJ sa GMA7 namatay ang ina. Matapos akong magmisa at nang magpapaalam na, tinanong niya ako ng seryoso: talaga daw bang hindi pa siya puwedeng maligo?
Nakupo! Kaya pala kako tumutubo na yang balbas mo at nanglalagkit ka na! At ito ang dahilan sinabi ko sa kanya ukol sa pamahiing iyon. Maligo ka na wika ko at ang baho mo na!
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Anvaya Cove, Morong , Bataan, Abril 2024.
Bawal o masama ang umuwi kaagad ng bahay galing sa patay. Ito ang popular na kaugaliang “pagpag” bago umuwi kasi kailangan daw iligaw iyong patay na baka sumunod. Ang totoo ay kailan lang naman ito naging laganap at napa-uso. Kawawang mga convenience store, naging tambayan ng mga nagpapagpag. At kaluluwa!
Hindi po ito totoo. Una, walang gumagalang kaluluwa. Kapag namatay ang isang tao, kaagad-agad hinahatulan kanyang kaluluwa kung ito ay pupunta ng langit o purgatoryo o impierno (ibang paksa ito na mainam pag-usapan sa ibang pagkakataon).
Heto naunawaan ko lamang nitong kamakailan habang dumarami ang namamatay kong mga kamag-anak at mga kaibigan. Dahil sa lamay na lang kami nagkikita-kita, itinutuloy namin ang kuwentuhan sa labas kasi naman, nakakahiyang ubusin pagkain at inumin sa lamayan.
At saka para mas masarap din ang kuwentuhan. Iyon sa aking pananaw ang tunay na dahilan kaya nauso ang pagpag. Sabi ng iba, iyon ay galing sa mga kapatid nating Chino na naniniwalang kailangang ipagpag mga negative vibes mula sa mga lamayan ng patay.
At kung tutuusin, ano nga ba ang mga negative vibes na ito? Balikan ang aral ng COVID-19 pandemic: mga mikrobyo at virus na maaring pagmulan ng pagkakasakit. Sa halip na magpagpag kayo ng kakain pa muli sa labas, mag-disinfect palagi pagdating ng bahay pagkagaling sa lamayan nang mapuksa mga kumakapit na mikrobyo.
Larawan kuha ni Ka Ruben, stained glass sa Pambansang Dambana ng Birhen ng Fatima, Valenzuela City, 10 Oktubre 2024.
Bawal o masamang maglibing tuwing araw ng Lunes. Ipagpaumanhin po ninyo mga naunang pari noong araw. Sila po nagpalaganap nitong “pamahiing” ito. Hindi naman talaga masama o bawa kasi kadalasan, Lunes ang araw ng libing ng mga yumaong pari pati kamag-anak namin.
Tanging dahilan ng pamahiing iyan ay pagod ang mga pari ng araw ng Linggo sa pagmimisa kaya, Lunes ang kanilang day-off. At pinakamabisang paraan upang matandaan ito ng mga tao, sabihing “masama” ang paglilibing ng Lunes na siyang unang araw ng trabaho.
Larawan kuha ni G. Jay Javier, Hulyo 2024.
Kaya po ako mula noon pa, ang day off ko ay Huwebes kasi Lunes ang pagpupulong naming mga pari!
Kayo ano pa alam ninyong pamahiin sa mga patay at lamay?
Hanapin ang praktikal na dahilan at higit sa lahat, igalang pa rin natin paniniwala ng ating mga kababayan kesa pagtawanan.
Tandaan, sa kamatayan palagi nagkakasukatan ng ating pagkakaibigan at pagsasamahan.
Ang pakikiramay ay tanda ng pakikibahagi sa pagluluksa at pighati ng namatayan.
At iyan ang pinakamainam na dahilan sa likod nitong mga pamahiin natin tuwing mayroong lamay at patay.
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 22 October 2024
Video by author using iPhone, 18 October 2024 near Floridablanca Exit, SCTEX bound to Subic.
Please, do not report me to the SCTEX Mobile Patrol. Promise… I won’t do this again, taking a video of sunset while driving. Blame “The Cure” playing on my playlist Friday I’m In Love…
That was last Friday as I drove – alone, as usual of course, going to a much-needed rest and mental health break at Subic. It was actually long-delayed vacation from repeated invitations over ten years from my kinakapatid Leah and Eric.
We planned it last September during a dinner in Makati after I had promised to visit my Ninang Lyn, Leah and Eric’s mom who was also grieving for her eldest we called Koyang Dindo who died in January; she felt too my grief in losing my mom later in May. I promised to visit her after my hospitalization in August when Leah and Eric learned it that they both offered for us to have dinner instead to “lend” me their mom.
How can I say no when Ninang Lyn told me to join Leah and Eric in their Subic homes after saying, “ako na mommy mo ngayon”?
At Makati Shangrila Hotel, September 2024.
At Binictican home of Eric and Gic, 18-10-2024
Appetizing appetizers…
then salad, sirloin, prime rib and rice in steak’s drippings…
…and more wine.Cheers!
And whoa! What a Friday it was, truly a TGIF as I broke all rules not only in driving but also in eating and drinking! It was a wonderful evening of stories with great food and wine. Most of all, of love from true friends over 50 years!
Ninang Lyn’s husband, the late Atty. Fernando Ma. Alberto was a friend of my late dad. Unlike my siblings and friends, I only had just one pair of Ninong and Ninang in my baptism. Both have blessed me for being truly my “godparents”.
When my father passed away in 2000, it was Ninong Ding who helped me made a major decision in 2005, of whether I should stay or move to Canada to serve there instead. He told me to greatly consider the many experiences I have had in media and life that can greatly help more people here than abroad. True enough after six months in a parish in Toronto, I realized his wisdom, the great need of our countrymen mostly poor needing the love and care of pastors than the rich, ageing Catholics of Canada.
With Dindo aka Nando Alberto during our roadtrip in Rizal in January 2021, listening only to Steely Dan the whole day!
When Dindo’s condition worsened late last year, I got to see my Ninang more often along with her other children so united in those critical moments: Leah, Doc Mayette, Eric, Ricky and Toby with Joy sometimes joining us on Facebook live from California.
After Dindo died early this year, my mom died too in May. The Albertos were there coming all the way to Bulacan. And have remained until now.
What I like most with them is how they have never asked how I am doing because they knew so well what I am going through. Maybe that’s the gift and grace of over 50 years of friendship. They simply make themselves present, tenderly inviting me to go out and chillax. They so remind me of this passage from a Canadian author and poet who wrote in one of her books:
I overheard a conversation the other day. He said, "But if you don't let people know you are lost, how can they help you?" She said, "Because the help I need is found in the eyes of someone who sees I am lost. Who stops to notice I have been gone, or my pace has slowed or my smile is forced. If they can see those things, then they will know that I need caring, not help." - Nausicaa Twila
Lately, so many friends including their siblings were texting me, inviting me out for lunch or coffee, simply making me feel of their care as I go through this grieving phase. So glad to have them. And so blessed in giving me a glimpse of Jesus Christ’s loving presence in them, teaching me firsthand about love and care.
Here is another video clip I did last Friday but this time I stopped by the roadside at SCTEX near Floridablanca exit on the way to Subic. See you again this Friday for the second part of our Subic adventure.
Video by author using iPhone, 18 October 2024 with natural sound from my car stereo playing The Cure “In Between Days.”
I have been searching the internet since last night of images of the widow of Nain whose only son was raised to life by Jesus in today’s gospel. After reading and praying over this scene found only in Luke’s gospel, it struck me differently last night, touching something so deep within me unlike before that I wanted to see how artists portrayed her.
Unfortunately despite the many paintings based on this story by Luke, only a few artists took time to paint with focus and emphasis on the widow of Nain. Despite Luke’s detail in saying that Jesus was moved with pity with her than with the young dead son, artists seemed to have looked more into the whole scene than the persons involved.
Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him. As he drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, he was moved with pity for her and said to her, “Do not weep” (Luke 7:11-13).
What a sorrowful sight it must have been with the widow of Nain burying her only child and son after losing her husband because she had practically lost everything in life!
The widow of Nain could have been a most wonderful subject for any painter or artist as she had melted the heart of Jesus who was prompted to raise to life her dead young son. In fact, this was the only third time Jesus had raised the dead to life in all four gospel accounts as He felt the enormous loss of the widow of Nain which remains so true to every widow these days.
In this brief and lovely story, Jesus reminds us of the special care we must have for widows and widowers who have lost everything in life while at the same time bares to us too the more disheartening aspect about death, of losing a beloved. Especially when it concerns a mother.
Photo by Mr. Jim Marpa, 2018.
The most striking truth I have realized until now since my mother died in May is how she meant everything to me and my siblings that I always say, “iisa lang siyang nawala sa amin pero lahat nawala.”
That’s the pain I feel most hurting inside me. I really could not picture our house without her every morning sweeping its front or watering her orchids or combing her dog. More painful was looking inside our home now so empty without her as I imagined those days she used to feed her aquarium fish named “pitimini” and “fetunia” and other flowers I did not know at all or simply bantering with her myna bird. Whenever I would come home, I still could not look long into her room now occupied by my brother because she’s all I see and feel inside.
The story of Jesus being moved with pity at the widow of Nain proclaims how every woman is a gospel herself, especially mothers who from the very start a part of us. See how the author of Genesis rightly narrated when God decided to create the woman, He said “Let us create a suitable partner for him” (2:18).
Photo by Mr. Jim Marpa, 2018.
Every woman is apart-ner of every man, especially mothers. Our umbilical cords are never cut off from our mom even after birth for our link with her continues even long after she – or us – is gone.
That’s because every woman is everything for each one of us as the Bee Gees sang it so well in one of the scenes in Saturday Night Fever, “more than a woman to me” because
Here in your arms I found my paradise My only chance for happiness And if I lose you now, I think I would die Oh, say you'll always be my baby, we can make it shine We can take forever, just a minute at a time
More than a woman More than a woman to me...
During our Mass this morning, I chose to celebrate the Memorial of St. Hildegard von Bingen, a German Benedictine nun who lived over 1000 years ago. She was a mystic and a prolific writer, thinker and spiritual master who was beatified in 1326 but was only canonized in 2012 by Pope Benedict XVI who declared her a Doctor of the Church.
Like the other German woman saint, Teresa Benedicta of the Cross or Edith Stein, St. Hildegard’s writings are so deeply true but tenderly expressed that one could feel the woman touch of God. One of her quotes I used in reflecting on the widow of Nain says, “The mystery of God hugs you in its all-encompassing mystery.”
That’s what mothers do best, they hug us with God’s mystery as they themselves are a mystery to us that John Lennon rightly called woman as “the other half of the sky”.
Make a widow, a mother smile today for that would surely go a long, long way to heaven. God bless all the women of the world!
Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-14 ng Agosto 2024
Larawan kuha ng may akda sa kanyang silid, 14 Agosto 2024.
*Salamuch sa Orange and Lemons.
Umuwi ka na Mommy: yan lang mithi ko palagi hindi lang masabi nitong aking mga labi dangan kasi hindi mangyayari; akala ko noong dati makakaya ko ang pighati ng iyong pagpanaw ngunit aking akala pala ay mali tunay na damdamin namnamin, ilahad at aminin sa sarili huwag ikubli huwag magkunwari tiyak madadali sa huli.
Umuwi ka na Mommy: kailanma'y hindi namin iyan nasabi dangan nga kasi ikaw palagi nasa tahanan at tindahan naghihintay sa amin at pagsapit ng takipsilim tulad ng mga alaga mong inahin isa-isa kaming iyong hahanapin parang mga sisiw bubusugin sa halimhim ng iyong mga pangangaral at dalangin saka ipaghahain ng masarap at mainit na pagkain mahirap limutin.
Umuwi ka na Mommy: ikaw lang kasi sa akin ang walang atubili nakapagsasabi, nakakaramdam at nakababatid ng lahat dangan nga kasi ikaw ang sa akin nagsilang sa iyong sinapupunan hanggang libingan dama ko ating kaisahan pilit ko noon hinihiwalayan kaya ngayon aking ramdam kay laking kawalan kahit nag-iisa ka lang.
Larawan kuha ng may akda sa kanyang silid, 14 Agosto 2024.
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 20 June 2024
Photo by author, 17 June 2024.
As a priest for 26 years, I have been a frequent visitor to cemeteries to bless parishioners, friends and relatives who have died. It was more of duties and ministry for me as a priest except for some who were dear to me.
But, when mommy passed away last month, visiting the cemetery has become something more personal with much meaning deep within, now both our parents are gone. I did not feel it when daddy died 24 years ago on mommy’s birthday. Perhaps it was partly because of the fact I had to come and visit their graves so often these past days: for the wake and burial of mommy from May 7-11, then her 40th day June 15, then again on the 17th for her 85th birthday and dad’s 24th death anniversary. Of course, we are coming back July 26 for dad’s 92nd birthday.
So, definitely I shall be coming there more often in the years to come as a son, secondary only as a priest.
Now it has become clearer to us siblings why dad died on mom’s birthday 24 years ago: so that it is more economical – matipid – for us to come and visit their gravesites. Isang puntahan na lang! Birthday at kamatayan. How I really wish and pray daily our parents are already reunited finally in eternity to enjoy each other’s company again before God.
Our parents, always together especially during meals.
My parents were not perfect couple. They quarreled, had misunderstandings like most husband and wife. But they strived so hard in loving each other despite their imperfections along with ours their children. This they practiced so well on the dining table, always eating together.
From my earliest memory until I became a priest, they have always taken their meals together. Most often, it was my dad who would always wait for my mom to be back home and be told by her personally that she had eaten somewhere in a party. That’s the only time he would really eat while my mom sat beside him, serving him while telling him stories where she had gone with her friends. Many times we would tease mommy whenever friends would pick her up to an event or socials without dad. “Maghihintay na naman ang daddy sa inyo, hindi kakain yun.” But she would tell us often the glaring truth about my dad, “ang daddy ninyo walang sinasabi sa aking ganyan; basta alam niya aalis ako. Sabayan ninyo sa pagkain.”
Our parents during their honeymoon in 1964.
Of course, dad would wait for her and most often, he was the one serving us children during meal until his retirement!
When I was in the seminary until I became a priest, every time I would come home to visit them, dad would always ask me if I had eaten. Even if I told him I have had lunch or merienda, he would still get food and serve them on the table. What can I do, especially if he cooked mechado or pochero that Sunday and had kept some leftovers in the fridge? I would always eat everything para daw maubos na ang mga natira at mahugasan na ang mangkok. That’s how I learned that eating is also an apostoalte for us priests…
When daddy died suddenly of a heart attack before dawn on mommy’s birthday on June 17, 2000, I kept asking him why he died on that date. Every Sunday after my Masses, I would go to the cemetery and ask him that question again and again. “Dad, there are 365 days in a year… why June 17?”
My mom was inconsolable during daddy’s wake until his first death anniversary. Part of her really died with daddy’s demise. Most like why she had a stroke six years later.
Mommy on her wedding day, 26 April 1964.
They have always been together in almost everything. It was dad who would wake up ahead of mom to prepare breakfast, especially coffee. And only him knows so well when my mom is ready to sip her hot coffee he had prepared; that’s the time he would go upstairs to tell her breakfast was ready.
Whenever we have visitors at home especially during fiestas and holidays, they were all praises with our food. Naturally, they praised mommy, thinking mothers cooked best. But not in our home. And the funny thing was, both of them would fall silent when our food were praised: mom would never say it was dad who cooked nor claim the accolades while dad would never speak a word about it. That’s when we the children would tell our guests our dad was the chef, adding our mom was just for sigang, paksiw and monggo. That is why during our first Christmas without dad, when I went to visit mommy at the eve to give my gifts, I saw her crying while cooking, telling me how she missed dad who would do all the cooking. From then on, I have found the best excuse why we must just order food during family gatherings at home – not only to spare mommy of the troubles cooking but to have really delicious food!
Our family after visiting our parents last June 17 on a vacation together.
My dad finally answered my question a few months after his death why he died on mommy’s birthday. It happened in the most strange way because I am more closer to my dad than to mommy with whom I always had a lot of misunderstandings due to her always in opposition with my plans, even my entering the seminary to become a priest.
One time we had some tampuhan blues that I decided not to come home thrice on Sundays. On the fourth Sunday after my mass as I visited daddy’s gravesite, I asked him again my question. As usual, no reply but in some moments of silence, I felt him telling me in my heart, “Nick, I died on your mommy’s birthday so that you would love her much like I have loved her.”
Suddenly, I realized my sins against her, of how I have showed her my anger until tears rolled down my cheeks.
After saying my prayers and blessing his gravesite, I headed home to visit mommy. From then on, I have tried my very best to be like dad with my mom by being more loving, more caring, more understanding and on many occasions, playing deaf to what she said.
Like our parents, we are always together in meals.
People say we must visit three places once in a while, namely, hospital, prison, and cemetery. Hospital so that we may realize that there is nothing more beautiful than health; in the prison for us to see that freedom is most precious; and cemetery that life is worth nothing because the ground we walk today will be our roof tomorrow.
It is the love we have for each other that gives meaning to these places that make them worth visiting. As a priest and most of all, as a son, a brother, and a friend I have realized these so true. Don’t wait for death to come. Or birthdays. Sometimes, they happen simultaneously. Just keep loving.
Now they are both gone and hopefully together in eternity, every time I bless their gravesite, I feel them telling me the same thing – love my siblings the way they loved us. Thank you for taking time to read this piece, hope all’s well with you and your loved ones.
"No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us" (1 John 4:12). Amen.
I have reflected last Sunday that Pentecost is not just an event in the past but a daily coming of the Holy Spirit upon us, enlightening us of so many things in life we used to take for granted. Like the value of every person, especially when there is a death of a loved one.
In fact, death is a Pentecost when the Holy Spirit comes to remind us that we never – and can never – replace our departed loved ones. Every person is irreplaceable, especially family members. The sooner we realize this, the better for us to avoid those guilty feelings later that we should have been more loving and kind, that we should have said “I love you” more often because we never know for how long we can be with our loved ones. One thing is for sure: we do not replace our deceased loved ones but simply re-member them.
Photo by author, Bgy. Kaysuyo, Alfonso, Cavite, 27 April 2024.
The word “remember” is very interesting.
It is from the root word “member” or “part”. When we put the prefix “re” which means “again”, “remember” means to make a part again of the present moment.
Every time we remember a person or an event, we make them part of our present moment. And they are most real, most present when our re-membering happens in the context of a family or a community. Re-membering someone by one’s self surely does happen a lot but very often, it is more of looking back to the past, recalling the days we used to be together. But when we remember somebody as a family or a community, the one we remember is indeed re-membered in our present, becomes real in everyone around celebrating his/her memory. Something concrete happens and the joy is more intense, leading to freedom from past, from pains and hurts of losing a loved one.
That is when death becomes a Pentecost. When the Holy Spirit came down upon the Apostles and the Blessed Virgin Mary in Jerusalem 50 days after Easter, the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity did not come to replace Jesus. The Holy Spirit is a distinct Person of the Trinity in whose power all the followers and believers of Christ have been empowered to make Him present until now in our collective re-membering of Him in the Church and the Sacraments. In the Holy Spirit who comes to us daily, we overcome and transcend every death we go through in life, enabling us to re-member our departed loved ones by being a member of those left behind.
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 18 March 2024.
Since mommy’s death, I have gone home thrice already. How I loved to walk inside her room, trying so hard to get those feelings or vibes when she was still alive I miserably miss most as the days moved on.
One thing I have noticed, though, is that strange feeling of our home suddenly so empty as in “kakalog-kalog” as we say in Tagalog. Mommy ko lang nawala sa amin pero parang nawala ang lahat sa bahay?
Now I know better why the mother is the light of the family or “ilaw ng tahanan” because after she had died, her light in our home was turned off that seemed to have made our home so dark, so light and hollowed. However, when we gathered as siblings together with our nieces and nephew and relatives, the warmth of our home returns as if mommy is with us , still with us.
That is when the Holy Spirit comes amid the darkness of every death. A Pentecost when we are reminded of those still with us who must band closer together to make our departed more present in our collective re-membering. No wonder, it was also the final instruction of Jesus to His disciples at their Last Supper when He told them as He gave them the chalice to “Do this in memory of me” or “in remembrance of me”. In Greek, it is called anamnesis which is more than remembering or recalling but making present, making a reality.
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 March 2024.
And the reality is this – every person is valuable beyond measure.
So fragile too! Because we can easily lose them in a snap.
We realize and feel this most true in death when we experience deeply “someone like me” whom I love, whom I care for is gone because in every death of a beloved, a part of us dies too. Even if he/she is an enemy or somebody we are not in good terms with, we feel a loss within because for better or worst, the deceased made us feel our humanity.
It is said that “one life is too many.” Very true. Today God gives us the gift and power to re-member those not with us by connecting with those still living with us. Make that connection now and soon you too shall see the face we sorely miss together. Have a blessed remaining half-week!
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