On turning 58

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 21 March 2023

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, 20 March 2023, Novaliches, QC.*

Thank you for your birthday greetings. I have been on a silent retreat since Monday until Wednesday, my 58th birthday, at the Jesuits’ Sacred Heart Novitiate (SHN) in Quezon City. I usually go on retreats in June when my loads were lighter, when I feel so tired and exhausted, even burned out. Or when I have to make a major decision that I have to discern well.

For the first time, I went on this personal retreat not out of dire needs or even expediencies except that I miss God so much. This is the first time I went on a retreat without problems or issues to resolve. Most of all, without any complaints to God as I told my spiritual director, Fr. Danny Gozar, one of the Jesuits who facilitated our 30-Day Retreat in Cebu in 1995.

Sharing with you some of God’s consolations to me since Monday.

*Photo by author, 20 March 2023, Sacred Heart Novitiate, QC.*

It was the feast of St. Joseph last Monday because March 19 fell on the Fourth Sunday in Lent. Right away, God consoled me upon arrival here when the daily Mass was starting. The priest, the Australian novice master of the Jesuits said in his homily that St. Joseph’s mission to give the name “Jesus” to the Child to be born by the Blessed Virgin Mary is also our first task in life which is to witness that “God saves” which is the meaning of the name “Jesus”.

That is when I realized the silence of St. Joseph which is not just being quiet by shutting out all the noise; silence is fulness, trying to listen and discern the sounds within, the sounds that speak of love and kindness, of mercy and forgiveness, of the voice of God also the softest and faintest, telling us to trust him alone and not be bothered with what would happen next.

To be silent like St. Joseph is ultimately to be silent like Jesus on the Cross, wholly trusting the Father, loving us until the end.

After lunch, I caught sight of the beautiful statue of Our Lady of Banneux (Our Lady of the Poor) at the side garden. It is one of my favorite prayer spots in this 23-hectare spirituality center in Quezon City. It was a nice spot to think of the many things I am thankful for since 2020 in preparation for my actual prayer blocks later that afternoon. And I had so many things to thank God since the pandemic started. First is the gift of life, that I have survived COVID-19!

The beauty of prayer is how it opens us to so many things about us we were totally unaware of like the gifts God has given us, the blessings he has showered us, the immense love he has for us. I discovered 20 things to be thankful for which I never thought I had and had never even thanked God for them!

That is the giftedness also of the Blessed Virgin Mary as she sang her Magnificat that while all generations shall call her blessed, she remains God’s lowly handmaid (Lk.1:48), remaining poor, an anawim who relies only in the Lord.

Being poor like Mary is being simple and empty for God. May we always be poor in need of God!

Fr. Danny directed me to just pray that afternoon until evening Psalm 139:1-18, asking for the specific grace of Mystery, of God himself. And God answered me! I felt his presence and generally, there was the feeling of joy within as I prayed before the Blessed Sacrament.

“You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew; my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret…
Psalm 139:13-15

God confirmed my earlier reflections, the things I am thankful to him since 2020.

God designed me personally, he had a purpose in creating me and creating me this way which for so long I have not totally appreciated and liked, wishing I were somebody else, or endowed with so many other talents I so admire in others.

God made each of us so specially, not mass-produced.

He made us so well, almost perfect to reflect his glory. And along this is the need to take care of ourselves.

How can I be a sign of God's glory and majesty even though I am sinner?

After supper, I felt longing for God that I went back to the chapel for another hour of prayer. I was a bit distracted, even restless at the start. Indeed, the most difficult prayer is always the most meritorious as I felt a deep intensity in the following passage:

Lord, you have probed me, you know me; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it all.
Psalm 139:1, 2-4

God knows everything about us! There is no hiding from him. But, even if he knows us so well, he does not impose himself on us. Many times, God allows us to open up to him in our own time. Not just in his time. Like when we go astray, when we turn away from him in sins.

"you understand my thoughts from afar."

Even if I am far from God in sin, he still loves me, he still relates with me, understanding me. Waiting for me. Because he knows too that even if we sin, we still long for him. No one among us is happy being in sin. God knows that we know he is our life, that we cannot stay far from him for long.

"My travels and my rest you mark."

Where are you leading me, Lord? Sometimes I wonder if I am the one following God or is it God following me, watching over me that I always find my way back to him?

I have realized in almost 25 years being a priest, priesthood is more of a direction than a destination. From the school in Malolos to UST and UP for sometime then to Radio Veritas and nine years in a parish, now I am a chaplain in a big university with six campuses and two hospitals. Really, we were not prepared for this, especially myself! But, you are always there, God, leading me, always surprising me that even if you ask me to go anywhere else, I would go even if I have to learn a new language or whatever.

Here I found one thing I have always been remiss with – the need for me to rest in the Lord. To stop like this retreat not only when I have problems or overburdened.

At the end of my first day, my main realizations were -in Filipino as they dawned on me – were, first,

"Mahal na mahal ako ng Diyos.
Hindi lang basta mahal.
Kungdi mahal na mahal."

Secondly, as I prepared to sleep that night with all the lights out, I realized

"Mas nakakatakot maniwala sa Diyos
kesa sa multo kase
ang Diyos ay totoo,
ang multo ay hindi totoo!"

Thank you for your bearing with me. May God touch you, bless you, and heal you! Amen.

More than sight, Lent is insight, hindsight and foresight in Christ

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Fourth Sunday in Lent-A, 19 March 2023
1 Samuel 16:1, 6-7, 10-13 + Ephesians 5:8-14 + John 9:1, 6-9, 13-17,34-38

*Photo by author, sunrise at Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort, Bgy. Binulusan, Infanta, Quezon (04 March 2023)*

We continue to journey with Jesus and his disciples towards Jerusalem for the fulfillment of his mission and like last Sunday, we take on a short stop-over today with him in the healing of a man born blind. It is another long story in these last three weeks of Lent that we hear from the gospel by St. John, filled with so many layers of meaning about our sense of sight or seeing which we often take for granted. Many of us are misled by the world’s insistence that to see is to believe when so often, we still fail to really see persons, things, and situations.

Experience has taught us that it is not enough for us to have eyes to be able to see, that after all, what Jesus has been teaching us is most true – believe and you shall see which is what our story of his healing of a man born blind is all about.

As Jesus passed by he saw a man blind from birth. He spat on the ground and made clay with the saliva, and smeared the clay on his eyes, and said to him, “Go wash in the Pool of Siloam” – which means Sent. So he went and washed, came back able to see. His neighbors and those who had seen him earlier as a beggar said, “Isn’t this the one who used to sit and beg?” Some said, “It is,” but others said, “No, he just looks like him.” He said “I am.” They brought the one once blind to the Pharisee.
John 9: 1, 6-9, 13

Like last Sunday, let us just focus at the beginning of this long, beautiful story with many details still relevant to our own time like the apostles asking Jesus who’s to be blamed for the man being born blind, himself or his parents? Jesus clearly tells us how we must stop our blaming game and start believing and trusting God who makes himself visible even in unfortunate circumstances.

In the story of Jesus with the Samaritan woman, St. John revealed to us how God would come to our lives at “noontime” when we are hot or in the heat of our worldly pursuits including sins; in this healing of the man born blind, we are shown how God through Jesus comes to us right in our most sorry plight in life, when we are in darkness. See how so disadvantaged is that man born blind who not only had no sight but practically a nobody as he had nothing in life, begging for food and money in order to live.

And that is when Jesus Christ comes to us, when we are nothing and practically down in the dumps.

And here the story gets better. In the original Greek text, we find that “he was blind from his genesis” which has double meaning of both birth and creation. In using the term genesis, St. John is telling us that Jesus is not someone who had come to bring back the world to its original set up before the Fall of our first parents by destroying earth.

Jesus came not to destroy earth and us to start anew but to restore us to our original status of blessedness by being like us so we could be like him. Here in this instance, Jesus created a new beginning for the man when he touched the man’s eyes with mud and having him wash in the waters of Siloam which mean the “Sent One”. We are reminded how Adam the first man was formed from the dust of the earth as Ash Wednesday would always tell us at the start of Lent.

In Genesis, after forming man from dust, God breathed on Adam and he became alive.

In today’s gospel, Jesus spat on the mud and “smeared the clay on his eyes” to show the process of new creation. Spitting is Jesus infusing himself on the mud or earth that was put on the eyes of the man born blind. He then instructed the man to “Go wash in the Pool of Siloam – which means Sent” (Jn.9:7), a complete reference to him too as the Christ or the Messiah long awaited.

Clearly in this scene we find the sign of water like last Sunday, an image of the Sacrament of Baptism where we are all re-created into new persons in Jesus Christ who is himself the water who cleanses us of our sins and impurities, re-creating us into new persons with unlimited possibilities and chances in life because of our union with God.

The healing of the man born blind was his salvation, his being saved through his union with God in Jesus Christ.

The man born blind represents us all who need cleansing by Jesus Christ. Everyday, Jesus comes to us in our lowest points in life, when we are so sick and weak, when we are losing all hopes and inspiration in life, when we are lost and defeated, when we are deep into sin. Jesus gives us himself as our saving gift.

But it is just the beginning.

See how the man born blind did not have his sight right away with Jesus putting mud on his eyes; it happened after obeying the Lord’s instruction to wash himself in Siloam. We have to cooperate with Jesus Christ like the man born blind.

Recall how Jesus reminded Peter on Holy Thursday of the need for him to wash his feet in order to have “inheritance with me” (Jn.13:8). We have been washed and cleansed by Jesus in our Baptism which is perfected in our celebration of the Holy Eucharist he established on Holy Thursday. The more we immerse ourselves in Jesus in the Eucharist, the more we are cleansed, the more we have faith in him, enabling us to see clearer not just have sights of things before us but its meanings in the light of Christ.

We need to go back to Jesus in the Eucharist to be washed clean, especially our eyes to be able to see clearly.

How funny if you have entirely read this story of how the people could not believe with their eyes what they saw after the man born blind was healed by Jesus. They could not agree among themselves they have to consult their authorities, the Pharisees to verify if he was really the man born blind who was healed; but, when summoned the Pharisees questioned the man, they too refused to believe him, even insulted him. The worst part of the story was when the parents of the man born blind were called to verify if he was really their son who was born blind and now can see. Unfortunately, the parents refused to vouch for him, insisting they ask him personally for he was old enough to speak.

There are times in our lives that we could be left alone standing for Jesus Christ for what is true, what is right, what is just, and what is good because it is only us who could see everything clearly like that man born blind after his healing. That is why, it is not enough to have sights only but also insight to see the meaning of things happening at present, as well as hindsight to see the meaning of the past and foresight to find its meaning in the future. We need faith in God in order to see beyond the surface and superficial, to see the deeper meaning of persons and events like what God told Samuel in anointing Jesse’s youngest son David to be Israel’s new king.

But the Lord said to Samuel: “Do not judge from his appearance or from his lofty stature, because I have rejected him. Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the Lord looks into the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

To see things and events including persons, of finding Jesus working in the present moment (insight), in the past (hindsight) and the future (foresight) requires a lot of courage too to stand for Christ and his values of truth and justice, mercy and love, life and persons like that man born blind and later healed. Here we find American writer Helen Keller’s words ringing so truly, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” Visionaries are people who dream with eyes wide opened, those who dare to see beyond because of their deep faith and conviction in their beliefs or whatever they held as true. Very much like our saints too who gave their lives for the sake of Jesus Christ.

Beginning this Sunday, let us heed St. Paul’s call for us to “Live as children of light”(Eph. 5:8) by following the light of Jesus Christ. Let us leave our blindness and darkness as well as shortsightedness by seeing to it we “Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness” (Eph. 5:11). Amen. Enjoy a blessed and insightful week ahead, everyone!

*Photo by author, early morning rains at Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort, Bgy. Binulusan, Infanta, Quezon (04 March 2023)*

The truth is… we are loved.

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Friday in the Third Week of Lent, 17 March 2023
Hosea 14:2-10   >>> + <<<   Mark 12:28-34

*Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com*

More than any other prophet, O Lord, 
Hosea is the one who tells us most
of your immense love for us all;
his writing moves like a beautiful
love story so unbelievable
yet exists, so true.
After so many harsh words
against us your people for our
infidelity like prostitutes,
here at the last part of his book,
Hosea tells us to never lose hope
because you love us so much.
Moreover, dear God our Father,
what I like most in Hosea's writings
is how you yourself reveals to us
how we must approach you
like a teacher coaching us 
for the best answers so we may pass
your final exam.

Thus says the Lord: Return, O Israel, to the Lord, your God, say to him, “Forgive us all iniquity, and receive what is good, that we may render as offerings the bullocks from our stalls
Hosea 14:2, 3

Please Lord, help us experience
your promises of "healing our defections,
loving us freely, becoming like dew 
so we shall blossom like the lily, 
our splendor be like the olive tree
and fragrance like the Lebanon cedar,
allowing us to dwell in your shade again
and raise grain, blossom like the vine,
and our fame be like the wine of Lebanon"
(cf. Hosea 14: 5-8).

Cast away our doubts of your love
and mercy for us, Father for as your Son
Jesus Christ had revealed, all the commandments
is summed in LOVE, your great love for us
as the very reason why we must love you
not because you need our love but 
so that we can have more of your love
when we love.
May we love,
love,
and love!
Amen.

Love is perfection of life

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Wednesday in the Third Week of Lent, 15 March 2023
Deuteronomy 4:1, 5-9   >> + <<   Matthew 5:17-19

*Photo by author, La Mesa Eco-Park from Our Lady of Fatima University-QC, February 2023.*

Thank you very much, O God
our loving Father for being
so close with us in a very personal manner, 
giving us laws meant to lead us closer 
to living with one another in peace
and harmony, and eventually
discover the beauty of love.

Jesus said to his disciples: “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.”
Matthew 5:17

This season of Lent,
help us realize and discover
that the laws as expressions of justice
are the minimum requirements of love;
the fulfillment of laws is love
which is more than a special way of living
but itself the perfection of life
because when we truly love,
we go beyond the letters of the laws
and do more than what is required
that slowly we become a new person
in Jesus Christ.
Enable us, O Lord, 
in fulfilling the laws
into love where we become more alive,
more real,
more personal
more perfect
like you.
Amen.

Dalawang anyo ng pag-aayuno

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-13 ng Marso 2023

*Larawan kuha ng may-akda sa ilang ng Jordan, Mayo 2019.*

Apatnapung araw 
nag-ayuno si Kristo
tinukso ng diyablo sa ilang:
“Kung ikaw ang Anak ng Diyos,
Gawin mong tinapay itong bato.”
Bagaman kanyang tiyan
ay walang laman,
hindi nalito si Kristo 
sa tukso ng diyablo
naging matibay 
tulad ng bato
na buhay ng tao 
di nakasalalay
sa tinapay 
kungdi sa
Salita ng Diyos 
na tunay 
nating buhay at gabay.

Dapat nating pakatandaan
na hindi sapat
at lalong di dapat
mapuno tayong lagi 
at mabusog 
ng mga bagay ng mundo
dahil sa maraming pagkakataon 
tayo ay nababaon sa
balon ng pagkagumon
kung laging mayroon tayo;
sa pag-aayuno 
tayo napapanuto
tumitibay ating pagkatao
tuwing nasasaid 
ating kalooban
nawawalang ng laman
nagkakapuwang sa Diyos
na tangi nating yaman!

Nguni't mayroon pang isang anyo
itong pag-aayuno
higit pang matindi
sa pagkagutom
na madaling tiisin
kesa pagka-uhaw
na nanunuot
sa kaibuturan
ng ating katawan
hindi maaring ipagpaliban
gagawa at gagawa
ng paraan
upang matighaw
panunuyo ng labi
at lalamunan
madampian
kahit tilamsikan
ng konting kaginhawahan!

Maraming uri ating
pagka-uhaw:
pagka-uhaw ng laman
at sa laman
nahahayag
sa kayamanan,
kapangyarihan,
at katanyagan
na pawang mga anyo lamang
ng iisa nating pagka-uhaw
sa Diyos at Kanyang pag-ibig
sana sa atin may pumansin
at kung maari
tayo ay kalingain,
intindihin,
at patawarin,
mga lihim nating mithiin,
inaasam, hinihiling.

Kay sarap namnamin
paanong si Hesus
ating Diyos at Panginoon
nag-ayuno upang
magutom at
mauhaw din
tulad natin
upang ipadama
pag-ibig Niya
sa atin; Siya lamang
ang pagkaing bubusog
sa atin
at inuming titighaw
sa pagka-uhaw natin
kaya pagsikapang
Siya ay tanggapin
at panatilihim sa 
kalooban natin!

Kuwaresma

Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-08 ng Marso 2023

*Larawan kuha ni G. John Ryan Jacob sa Paco, Obando noong 02 Enero 2023.*

KUWARESMA.

Apatnapung araw ng paghahanda
sa Pasko ng Pagkabuhay,
isang paglalakbay
gabay mga salita ng Diyos
sa atin ay bumubuhay
higit pa sa tinapay.

KUWARESMA.

Apatnapung araw ng pagtitiis
marami ang naiinis, naiinip
dahil sa kinagisnang buhay
na mabilis at madali
budhi ay di mapanatili
pati sarili hindi maibahagi.

KUWARESMA.

Apatnapung araw ng pananalangin
sa atin ay hiling
upang makapiling, maranasan
Diyos na mahabagin
namnamin at lasapin
pag-ibig Niyang ibinubuhos sa atin.

Sa panahon ng Kuwaresma
iwasang magkuwenta
at magbilang ng mga sakripisyo
dahil lingid sa ating kaalaman
higit ang biyaya at pagpapala
kapag tayo ay nagpaparaya;
marami ang may maling akala
sila ay nawawalan, nababawasan
kapag naglilimos o nag-aayuno
gayong ang totoo,
doon tayo napupuno
ng Espiritu Santo;
kung tutuusin
itong buhay natin ay araw-araw
na Kuwaresma kung saan
ating pananaw ay namumulat
na ang pinakamahalaga sa buhay
ay hindi kung ano ating taglay
kungdi yaong ating inaalay
at ibinibigay!

Lent is for setting things right

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Tuesday in the Second Week of Lent, 07 March 2023
Isaiah 1:10, 16-20   >>> +++ <<<   Matthew 23:1-12

*Photo by author, sunrise at the Pacific from the coast of Infanta, Quezon, 04 March 2023.*

In this blessed
Season of Lent,
I pray to you, 
dear God our Father,
to help me set things 
right in my self,
in my life;
help me set things right
by "washing myself clean, 
putting away my misdeeds,
ceasing from doing evil
and learning to do good
by making justice my aim,
redressing those I have wronged,
hearing the plea of the orphans,
and defending the powerless 
among us" (Isaiah 1:16-17).

Let me set things right,
O Lord, by walking my talk,
by practicing what I preach,
by being humble without any 
desires to be known nor admired,
nor be served by putting too much
burdens on others without my 
lifting of my finger, seeking 
places of honor and being 
greeted by everyone (Mt. 23:1-7);
forgive me for those times
I thought that you are like me
when I recite your statutes and
profess your covenant with mouth
yet hate discipline (Ps. 50:16-17).

Let me set things right,
O Lord, in my life
my keeping in mind
YOU alone is our Master
and Teacher, that there
is no other Father but
God alone in heaven
(Mt. 12:7-10).

Let me set things right,
O Lord, in my life
by letting go of my
bitterness and unforgiveness,
of my painful and dark past;
help me set things right
in finally fulfilling that 
promise I made to change
in myself, in finally making 
peace with that person I detest,
in going back to you in
Christ Jesus.
Amen.

Rainbow connection

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 06 March 2023

*Photo by author, 03 March 2023, Teresa, Rizal.*

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions
But only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide

As a child, I have always heard many stories about rainbows from grownups telling me about the “pot of gold” at its end. I have never believed their stories because even at that young age, I have found them as total lies for if it were true, there would be no more poor people on earth as rainbows appeared daily or weekly.

Besides, I doubted stories about rainbows because no matter how hard I looked at them, I could not find the primary colors of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet in them as taught by my teachers. All I could identify until now are the colors red and blue with the third hue of pink which is not even part of the primary colors! The only truth about rainbows I have always accepted since elementary is the fact that it is caused by sunlight hitting the rains that cast such colorful display in the skies. Most often, I just thought binobola lang kami ng teacher namin para pagbigyan kung sino man itong si Roy G. Biv na may-ari ng mga rainbow!

Later, our elementary school principal Sr. Domitilla of St. Paul College Bocaue would tell us over and over again the story of Noah and the great flood, of how God promised him never to destroy earth again with floods by giving him the sign of the rainbow.

You bet! I did not believe her totally because growing up in Bocaue, I have experienced so many floods annually that destroyed many of our belongings like photos and vinyl records not to mention the hardships – pahirap in the real sense of cleaning after each flooding.

But all these changed only for me during the COVID-19 pandemic.

*Photo by Ms. Anne Ramos, 22 March 2020, Bgy. Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan.*

It was the first Sunday of the lockdown, my 55th birthday, March 22, 2020. There were no public Masses. So I decided to start on that Sunday the weekly libot or motorized procession of the Blessed Sacrament around our parish in Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan. Seeing the people kneeling on the streets was so moving but what really brought me tears was the sight of a rainbow that afternoon.

We were on our way to the last sitio of our parish when it started to rain lightly. Our volunteers asked if we should go back to the parish as the clouds indicated heavy rains were coming our way. But as I held the monstrance, I told my companions to proceed because the people were waiting for Jesus.

Lo and behold! as we turned to our last sitio, a rainbow appeared and I remembered the story of Noah and the rainbow.

That’s when I cried and started believing in rainbows as I felt that very moment God assuring me of his protection from COVID-19. True enough, until I left in February 2021 my former parish of Parokya ni San Juan Apostol at Ebanghelista had the lowest rate of COVID infections in our town. Most of all, me and our volunteers never had COVID except for one as we continued with our libot of the Blessed Sacrament that soon evolved into “drive-thru” and “door-to-door” communion after our online Mass on Sundays!

So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see
Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

*Photo by author, August 2022, Parish of Holy Cross, Paco, Obando, Bulacan.*

One of the best stories I have read about rainbows is from my favorite Pope, Benedict XVI. In one of his books in the series Jesus of Nazareth, Pope Benedict explained how the rainbow of Noah’s time had become the arms of Jesus Christ outstretched on the Cross, the fullness of God’s promise to never destroy earth, of his immense love to save us through his Son. Furthermore, he explained how the rainbow as the outstretched arms of Jesus is also the same bow of arrow referred to in the Book of Psalms signifying God’s salvation.

It is so funny that after passing the age 50 that I started believing in rainbows! And what a sight indeed for me of the rainbow like a bow of an arrow shooting in the sky assuring us of God’s love and protection, of the arms of Jesus embracing us all in his love and mercy, kindness and forgiveness.

*Photo by author, Teresa, Rizal, 03 March 2023.*

Last Wednesday we celebrated Mass for the opening of our annual strategic planning in Our Lady of Fatima University (composed of six campuses) and Fatima University Medical Center (with two hospitals). In my homily, I shared that “lent is the time for us to start believing again” like Jonah in the first reading (Jon.3:1-10), of believing again in God, in others and in ourselves.

How I wished I have added that this is also the time to start believing again in rainbows because on our way to Katmon Nature Sanctuary and Beach Resort in Infanta, Quezon for the final day of our strategic planning, I saw again another rainbow during a stopover in a gas station in Teresa, Rizal. It was so beautiful with the arc, the bow, the arms of Jesus embracing us all symbolized by our coaster.

But the rainbows – or God – did not stop appearing there for us.

The following Saturday before we went home, I woke early to catch the sunrise at the beach that faces the Pacific Ocean. The sun was already up and I felt satisfied with all my photos and videos when it started to rain. As I ran back to our resort, another rainbow appeared, greeting me again that early morning.

*Photo by author, 04 March 2023, Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort, Infanta, Quezon,*

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm supposed to be
Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

Oh God! Praise and glory to you! I did not mind stopping in the morning rain that Saturday. It was the best morning prayer I ever had in years. Something very silent. So natural. So picturesque of God’s love, of his promise to bless us all in my new home, my new family, my new ministry – Our Lady of Fatima University (OLFU) and Fatima University Medical Center (FUMC).

It is here in OLFU and FUMC that God has started to unravel his other beautiful plans for me that at first I could not understand and even resisted at times. It is here I have come to embrace him more. And more tightly in ministering to students and faculty members alike, to doctors and nurses, patients and everyone especially our kind administrators.

Thank you for all your warm welcome, love and acceptance, OLFU and FUMC. And for your care beyond compare.

Glad to be with you in this very promising year assured by the rainbows. Let’s keep connected as we rise to the top!

Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

Deaths in Lent

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 27 February 2023

Lent is my favorite season in our Church calendar: partly because of my melancholic tendencies and mostly, its closeness with the realities of life, of its daily “passovers” and exodus that eventually lead to Easter. That is why for me, life is a daily lent.

This became truest to me yesterday afternoon, the First Sunday of Lent when one of our elderly priests, Msgr. Vicente “Teng” Manlapig died past 3:00 PM at the Fatima University Medical Center in Valenzuela City where I serve as chaplain.

I am still in the process of gathering the many insights and realizations I have had these past three weeks when Mons. Teng was confined with the final five days in the ICU. What is so remarkable for me which dawned upon me yesterday is the fact that Mons. Teng is the second priest I had taken cared and died in the season of Lent. The first was the late Msgr. Macario Manahan in March 16, 2014, the Second Sunday of Lent at that time.

Yes, another monsignor I took care and died in the season of Lent. I was then assigned in San Juan Apostol at Ebanghelista Parish in Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan when Mons Macario retired in an apartment with his adopted family in the next barrio to my parish. Like Mons. Teng, I gave him daily communion and anointing of the sick during his final stretch of about two or three weeks before death. The only difference is that Mons. Macario passed away in my presence that Sunday afternoon; I visited Mons. Teng Sunday morning before he expired in the afternoon.

I have been wondering what must be God’s message for me in making me directly involved with two elderly priests dying in the season of Lent.

It seems to me for now that Lent is the best time for us priests to die because it leads to Easter. It would be a great extra bonus perhaps for us priests to die on Easter Sunday like the Jesuit Father Teilhard de Chardin or on Divine Mercy Sunday of the Easter Octave like the great St. John Paul II or at New Year’s eve like Pope Benedict XVI recently.

In my 24 years in priesthood, I have found our life, and death, follow a certain pattern. That is another topic I intend to develop further but for the moment, here is God showing me a pattern in priestly deaths in Lent which is the season characterized by prayer, fasting, alms-giving and penance.

Thursday night, Mons. Teng he asked to me listen to his “story” which turned out to be a confession, his final one. And what a tremendous grace from God for it was a triumph against his final temptations by the devil. How wonderful that he died yesterday, the First Sunday of Lent when the gospel from Matthew was the temptations of Jesus in the wilderness. The hospital ICU is the modern wilderness of temptations where there is the macabre atmosphere of gloom and dead-seriousness, cold and lifeless with just the eerie beeps and whirring or humming of various machines accompanying patients in separate cubicles along with doctors and nurses garbed in overalls and masks like in those movie scenes of invasion by aliens or zombies.

I must confess that after witnessing another death of a senior priest this season of Lent with my ministry this past year being in the hospital, I actually feel more afraid than ever of getting old, of getting sick.

It seems to me for now 
that Lent is the best time for us priests 
to die because it leads to Easter.

I cannot say I am ready. No. The more I see myself afraid and so unprepared. It would be a big lie no fool would ever believe to claim I am ready to get sick and die. And even if I felt so tired and sleepy watching over Mons. Teng these past weeks, I could not pray in silence to God and ask him that he spare me those sufferings. Yes, the sense of entitlement crossed my mind many times like the thought “siguro naman, pwede na ako ma exempt, Lord” but no! I could not ask God. I feel so ashamed. It felt so bad on the taste-buds. Whenever such thoughts crossed my mind, there was always something or someone inside me preventing me from asking God for that privilege. Or grace? Because our suffering in sickness is precisely the very gift and grace of being one with Jesus Christ in the wilderness, fighting the devil’s temptations.

The gospel said it so well yesterday that after Jesus triumphed over his temptations, “the devil left him and, behold, angels came and ministered to him” (Mt.4:11). See that it was Thursday when I heard Mons. Teng’s final confession, Friday night was the last time he received the viaticum because Saturday morning he could no longer speak, could not eat that I had to consent into the insertion of an NGT for his feeding Saturday night until he slowly deteriorated Sunday morning after I had anointed him again with oil and died around the hour of the great Mercy of God at 3PM.

The same thing is true with Mons. Macario. For about two weeks, I would rush to his apartment mostly at night and midnight to anoint him, pray for him, and give him the viaticum. Once I even celebrated Mass for a peaceful death around midnight when we thought he was about to expire which eventually came a few days after he had met and presumably reconciled with a family member. It was the Second Sunday of Lent, March 16, 2014 when he died. The gospel was the Transfiguration of Jesus. If there is anyone who would truly experience the Cross of Christ on the way to transfiguration, it is surely us, his priests.

A few years ago a friend commented to me that he thought priests were exempted from sickness and other sufferings. He could not believe that we priests get cancer, suffer stroke and other debilitating sickness. In fact, I told him that suffering is our life. One of the priests with tremendous impact on me was our formator in high school seminary, Rev. Fr. Leopoldo Nazareno we called “Fr. Naz” who spent maybe 40 years of his life with Parkinson’s disease that was so rare at that time in the 80’s.

Am I afraid of getting sick, of dying? Yes. Very much! But, what can I do? Like Jesus in the the garden of Gethsemane, even if I pray that God would take away this cup, it is still his will not mine.

Maybe for a good reason, to suffer unto death is the ultimate gift of priesthood. Even in old age for us priests, there is still the essence of victimhood, of offering. It is when out deathbed becomes our eucharistic table and altar where we finally offer ourselves to God in union with Jesus our Eternal High Priest, no longer the bread and wine because we could not celebrate the Mass nor even receive Holy Communion. It would be very sad for a priest to die not a martyr, a witness of Christ on the Cross, loved and forgiven like the “good thief”.

That is what I have seen in these two deaths of priests in the season of Lent: the immense and immeasurable mercy and love of God for us all, especially us priests. Yes, we are sinners, even more miserable than others. But, still loved and forgiven by God. May we strive more to be holy priests, thinking more of the people than ourselves. Pray for us your priests, and help us fix our eyes unto God more clearly through you, the people, the sheep of his flock. May we your priests find that life is a daily Lent, a daily passover, a daily carrying of the Cross and Crucifixion in Christ that leads to Easter. Amen.

Lent is choosing God

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Thursday after Ash Wednesday, 23 February 2023
Deuteronomy 30:15-20   ><000'> + ><000'> + ><000'>   Luke 9:22-25

Everyday you bless us,
O God, with that great power
to choose freely what we desire
best for us; but, many times, we make
the wrong choices that often lead us
to more pains and emptiness,
sadness and that feeling of being
lost.

Most of all,
we choose sin,
we choose evil,
than choosing good,
than choosing you, O God.

Moses said to the people: “I call heaven and earth today to witness against you: I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Choose life, then, that you and your descendants may live, by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice, and holding fast to him. For that will mean life for you, a long life for you to live on the land that the Lord swore he would give to your fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
Deuteronomy 30:19-20

So many times
we make the wrong choices
when we insist on what we like
without really knowing what it is;
we make wrong choices
when we choose to disregard
you and your ways, Lord;
worst, we make the wrong choices
because we reject our very selves!

What a tragedy
when we ourselves refuse
to believe in ourselves,
in our worth,
in our possibilities
because we have lost all hope
in life, in you, and in others
due to failures or disappointments
or frustrations in life;
we choose wrongly when we
avoid pains and sufferings,
when we refuse to choose
the Cross not realizing
it is the one that truly leads
to life and prosperity
because every suffering,
every pain
leads to maturity
that make us better
and more open to
life and prosperity.

These 40 days of Lent,
let us choose you, Jesus
including your Cross;
let us choose people and
things outside of ourselves
because you have chosen to
care us and all our needs;
let us trust you 
so we may always choose you
because the times we choose
wrongly in life,
when we choose people
and things that are seemingly
favorable to us,
that is when 
we do doubt you,
when we do not 
trust you.
Amen.

Jesus,
King of Mercy,
we trust in you!