Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 03 July 2024
Photo from The Valenzuela Times, 02 July 2024.
Honestly… how did you react to this photo published yesterday afternoon after that flash flood at McArthur Highway in Valenzuela City? Do you find it funny? Did you hit the LOL emoticon? Why?
Am I that old and conservative, or prudish, or, is it merely a simple case of generation gap that I felt sad and surprised at how almost everyone in social media last night laughed at this photo? At least, some were sincere enough to admit being jealous as they exclaimed “sanaol” but, why all the laughter?
It is better expressed in our Filipino language – pinagtawanan (laughed at) which is a world apart from nakatutuwa (joyful sight).
What is so funny if a man would carry his girlfriend on his back for her not to get wet or soaked in the flood?
So gentlemanly in fact, hindi ba? Should we not be glad that there are still knights in shining armor these days?
Others simply described it as OA or “overacting”. Maybe…
The photo is a modern gospel, a good news in this age when chivalry is said to be dead. It is so much similar with last Sunday’s gospel that said “Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side” (Mk. 5:21), after they went through a turbulent squall crossing the Lake of Galilee the other week. What a beautiful story last Sunday of Jesus crossing again and again not only the treacherous lake but so often crossed the streets and valleys and mountains to reach out to those sick and lost and even dead to bring them all to the side of grace and life (https://lordmychef.com/2024/06/29/jesus-crossed-seas-streets-to-lead-us-to-the-side-of-life-again-again/).
My post last night…
I love that word “cross” from which came crossing; the former if spelled with a capital C refers to the Cross of Jesus Christ that also means our daily sufferings and difficulties in life we have to accept and embrace while the former refers to the street intersection where pedestrians cross.
Every day Jesus comes to help us cross the streets of this life filled with many pains and sufferings, trials and hardships. Jesus help us cross these busy and stressful streets of daily life for us to get to the side of life and fullness through those willing to suffer and sacrifice like this student in the photo.
How sad that when someone is willing to sacrifice for a loved one, when someone is willing to help others cross the street, whether it is flooded or not that people nowadays laugh at them, calling them OA.
We are not judging anyone.
Maybe we just have to reassess ourselves daily especially in our overexposure to social media and its gadgets that have alienated us from realities of life and from being human, being a person who is a subject to be loved and cherished than object to be possessed and laughed at.
How sad that with too much media, we no longer have that feel and experience of realities.
Go to any wedding or whatever kind of ceremony and parade to see how people are foolishly glued to their camera screens recording the events without experiencing the moment at all!
That gentleman carrying his girlfriend on his back is a good news for us today that Christ is still with us in this modern age. Unfortunately, it seems that like what happened 2000 years ago, there are still some who still want Him crucified for being good and kind, even OA, with others. Have a blessed day. We’d like to hear from you too… thank you!
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 20 June 2024
Photo by author, 17 June 2024.
As a priest for 26 years, I have been a frequent visitor to cemeteries to bless parishioners, friends and relatives who have died. It was more of duties and ministry for me as a priest except for some who were dear to me.
But, when mommy passed away last month, visiting the cemetery has become something more personal with much meaning deep within, now both our parents are gone. I did not feel it when daddy died 24 years ago on mommy’s birthday. Perhaps it was partly because of the fact I had to come and visit their graves so often these past days: for the wake and burial of mommy from May 7-11, then her 40th day June 15, then again on the 17th for her 85th birthday and dad’s 24th death anniversary. Of course, we are coming back July 26 for dad’s 92nd birthday.
So, definitely I shall be coming there more often in the years to come as a son, secondary only as a priest.
Now it has become clearer to us siblings why dad died on mom’s birthday 24 years ago: so that it is more economical – matipid – for us to come and visit their gravesites. Isang puntahan na lang! Birthday at kamatayan. How I really wish and pray daily our parents are already reunited finally in eternity to enjoy each other’s company again before God.
Our parents, always together especially during meals.
My parents were not perfect couple. They quarreled, had misunderstandings like most husband and wife. But they strived so hard in loving each other despite their imperfections along with ours their children. This they practiced so well on the dining table, always eating together.
From my earliest memory until I became a priest, they have always taken their meals together. Most often, it was my dad who would always wait for my mom to be back home and be told by her personally that she had eaten somewhere in a party. That’s the only time he would really eat while my mom sat beside him, serving him while telling him stories where she had gone with her friends. Many times we would tease mommy whenever friends would pick her up to an event or socials without dad. “Maghihintay na naman ang daddy sa inyo, hindi kakain yun.” But she would tell us often the glaring truth about my dad, “ang daddy ninyo walang sinasabi sa aking ganyan; basta alam niya aalis ako. Sabayan ninyo sa pagkain.”
Our parents during their honeymoon in 1964.
Of course, dad would wait for her and most often, he was the one serving us children during meal until his retirement!
When I was in the seminary until I became a priest, every time I would come home to visit them, dad would always ask me if I had eaten. Even if I told him I have had lunch or merienda, he would still get food and serve them on the table. What can I do, especially if he cooked mechado or pochero that Sunday and had kept some leftovers in the fridge? I would always eat everything para daw maubos na ang mga natira at mahugasan na ang mangkok. That’s how I learned that eating is also an apostoalte for us priests…
When daddy died suddenly of a heart attack before dawn on mommy’s birthday on June 17, 2000, I kept asking him why he died on that date. Every Sunday after my Masses, I would go to the cemetery and ask him that question again and again. “Dad, there are 365 days in a year… why June 17?”
My mom was inconsolable during daddy’s wake until his first death anniversary. Part of her really died with daddy’s demise. Most like why she had a stroke six years later.
Mommy on her wedding day, 26 April 1964.
They have always been together in almost everything. It was dad who would wake up ahead of mom to prepare breakfast, especially coffee. And only him knows so well when my mom is ready to sip her hot coffee he had prepared; that’s the time he would go upstairs to tell her breakfast was ready.
Whenever we have visitors at home especially during fiestas and holidays, they were all praises with our food. Naturally, they praised mommy, thinking mothers cooked best. But not in our home. And the funny thing was, both of them would fall silent when our food were praised: mom would never say it was dad who cooked nor claim the accolades while dad would never speak a word about it. That’s when we the children would tell our guests our dad was the chef, adding our mom was just for sigang, paksiw and monggo. That is why during our first Christmas without dad, when I went to visit mommy at the eve to give my gifts, I saw her crying while cooking, telling me how she missed dad who would do all the cooking. From then on, I have found the best excuse why we must just order food during family gatherings at home – not only to spare mommy of the troubles cooking but to have really delicious food!
Our family after visiting our parents last June 17 on a vacation together.
My dad finally answered my question a few months after his death why he died on mommy’s birthday. It happened in the most strange way because I am more closer to my dad than to mommy with whom I always had a lot of misunderstandings due to her always in opposition with my plans, even my entering the seminary to become a priest.
One time we had some tampuhan blues that I decided not to come home thrice on Sundays. On the fourth Sunday after my mass as I visited daddy’s gravesite, I asked him again my question. As usual, no reply but in some moments of silence, I felt him telling me in my heart, “Nick, I died on your mommy’s birthday so that you would love her much like I have loved her.”
Suddenly, I realized my sins against her, of how I have showed her my anger until tears rolled down my cheeks.
After saying my prayers and blessing his gravesite, I headed home to visit mommy. From then on, I have tried my very best to be like dad with my mom by being more loving, more caring, more understanding and on many occasions, playing deaf to what she said.
Like our parents, we are always together in meals.
People say we must visit three places once in a while, namely, hospital, prison, and cemetery. Hospital so that we may realize that there is nothing more beautiful than health; in the prison for us to see that freedom is most precious; and cemetery that life is worth nothing because the ground we walk today will be our roof tomorrow.
It is the love we have for each other that gives meaning to these places that make them worth visiting. As a priest and most of all, as a son, a brother, and a friend I have realized these so true. Don’t wait for death to come. Or birthdays. Sometimes, they happen simultaneously. Just keep loving.
Now they are both gone and hopefully together in eternity, every time I bless their gravesite, I feel them telling me the same thing – love my siblings the way they loved us. Thank you for taking time to read this piece, hope all’s well with you and your loved ones.
"No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us" (1 John 4:12). Amen.
I have reflected last Sunday that Pentecost is not just an event in the past but a daily coming of the Holy Spirit upon us, enlightening us of so many things in life we used to take for granted. Like the value of every person, especially when there is a death of a loved one.
In fact, death is a Pentecost when the Holy Spirit comes to remind us that we never – and can never – replace our departed loved ones. Every person is irreplaceable, especially family members. The sooner we realize this, the better for us to avoid those guilty feelings later that we should have been more loving and kind, that we should have said “I love you” more often because we never know for how long we can be with our loved ones. One thing is for sure: we do not replace our deceased loved ones but simply re-member them.
Photo by author, Bgy. Kaysuyo, Alfonso, Cavite, 27 April 2024.
The word “remember” is very interesting.
It is from the root word “member” or “part”. When we put the prefix “re” which means “again”, “remember” means to make a part again of the present moment.
Every time we remember a person or an event, we make them part of our present moment. And they are most real, most present when our re-membering happens in the context of a family or a community. Re-membering someone by one’s self surely does happen a lot but very often, it is more of looking back to the past, recalling the days we used to be together. But when we remember somebody as a family or a community, the one we remember is indeed re-membered in our present, becomes real in everyone around celebrating his/her memory. Something concrete happens and the joy is more intense, leading to freedom from past, from pains and hurts of losing a loved one.
That is when death becomes a Pentecost. When the Holy Spirit came down upon the Apostles and the Blessed Virgin Mary in Jerusalem 50 days after Easter, the Third Person of the Blessed Trinity did not come to replace Jesus. The Holy Spirit is a distinct Person of the Trinity in whose power all the followers and believers of Christ have been empowered to make Him present until now in our collective re-membering of Him in the Church and the Sacraments. In the Holy Spirit who comes to us daily, we overcome and transcend every death we go through in life, enabling us to re-member our departed loved ones by being a member of those left behind.
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 18 March 2024.
Since mommy’s death, I have gone home thrice already. How I loved to walk inside her room, trying so hard to get those feelings or vibes when she was still alive I miserably miss most as the days moved on.
One thing I have noticed, though, is that strange feeling of our home suddenly so empty as in “kakalog-kalog” as we say in Tagalog. Mommy ko lang nawala sa amin pero parang nawala ang lahat sa bahay?
Now I know better why the mother is the light of the family or “ilaw ng tahanan” because after she had died, her light in our home was turned off that seemed to have made our home so dark, so light and hollowed. However, when we gathered as siblings together with our nieces and nephew and relatives, the warmth of our home returns as if mommy is with us , still with us.
That is when the Holy Spirit comes amid the darkness of every death. A Pentecost when we are reminded of those still with us who must band closer together to make our departed more present in our collective re-membering. No wonder, it was also the final instruction of Jesus to His disciples at their Last Supper when He told them as He gave them the chalice to “Do this in memory of me” or “in remembrance of me”. In Greek, it is called anamnesis which is more than remembering or recalling but making present, making a reality.
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 March 2024.
And the reality is this – every person is valuable beyond measure.
So fragile too! Because we can easily lose them in a snap.
We realize and feel this most true in death when we experience deeply “someone like me” whom I love, whom I care for is gone because in every death of a beloved, a part of us dies too. Even if he/she is an enemy or somebody we are not in good terms with, we feel a loss within because for better or worst, the deceased made us feel our humanity.
It is said that “one life is too many.” Very true. Today God gives us the gift and power to re-member those not with us by connecting with those still living with us. Make that connection now and soon you too shall see the face we sorely miss together. Have a blessed remaining half-week!
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 10 May 2024
Photo by Veejay Villafranca/Bloomberg via Getty Images
My most vivid image of mommy’s love for me is from June 1979 when I bid her goodbye in her sari-sari store on my way to the high school seminary. That was the last time I felt I was a kid, her child, when she hugged me tightly, then held my head and kissed me as she fixed by combed hair, telling me “magpapakabait ka doon, anak.”
She had always been against my entering the seminary, saying I was too young to know about the priesthood. She did all the scare tactics to me: “hindi ka mag-aasawa, isda at tuyo araw-araw ang ulam ninyo, hindi masarap pagkain doon…” She finally allowed me to enter the seminary on second year high school I believe after my dad had silently persuaded her.
It was funny because on my fourth year before graduation, I felt I was not ready yet for the major seminary that was eventually confirmed by the results of my entrance exam (psychological tests actually) to San Carlos Seminary that it was suggested I better leave the seminary.
My mother Corazon before their wedding in 1964.
Tama nga si mommy.
It was from then on when we had that kind of not so smooth mother-son relationship. I felt far from her as she would always say something to my plans and decisions. She was not really a contravida but more of an oppositionist. That is why when I felt my vocation anew later in 1988, I never told her about it until I was about to go back to the seminary. That time, there was no more hugging and kissing maybe because I was already an adult, a man bigger and stronger than her.
But what was most memorable for me now that she is gone was the scene every time I would go back the seminary and later to my assignments as a priest.
Whenever I would tell her “mommy, uuwi na po ako”, she would say while smiling, “e nasa bahay ka, paano ka pa uuwi?”
That happened so often that she sounded so corny but still, thank God, I never tired explaining to her, “uuwi sa seminaryo” later to Malolos then to Bagbaguin and now to Fatima. She never failed to banter with me with her dry humor and stroke during those moments of my leaving home. I think she was telling me in those every good bye of ours that my home would always be her, my family. That is why after her body was taken from her room last Tuesday morning, the scene that struck me most on her death was her empty room, vacant big bed.
As I left home pauwi sa Fatima, the morning sunshine were so lovely as it softly brightened mommy’s empty room as she is now “home” in heaven with daddy.
Overall, I feel so joyful and grateful in my mother’s demise. She left so peacefully in her sleep as I have prayed to God daily. The outpouring of love and sympathies and friends are beyond our expectations or imaginations. But, there is that fear, a dread in me about coming home, finding her room empty, telling me she is gone.
Mommy’s room is now empty but our hearts are so full of her love, of her memories, of her gift of self.
During the pandemic, I begged God not to take my mom yet. I told God I was not ready because she was primarily the reason I “go home”. As I reflect on the meaning of that image of her empty room, I realized that it is not about going home but coming home. We go home to the house and place but we come home to persons, to family and friends.
Pag-uwi in Tagalog which is literally coming home. Not going home. Because when we leave, we say uuwi also as we come home to our new home.
We Filipinos express both our kinship and Christian faith in our goodbyes.
Our professor in liturgy Msgr. Andy Valera used to tell us we never say aalis na ako or “I am leaving” because that means we are angry. It is very rude and should never be said when saying goodbye in any Filipino gathering. Instead, we say next to uuwi na ako either tutuloy na ako or mauna na ako. But, how can we make tuloy which is to enter when we are in fact leaving? And why say mauna na ako which means I’ll go ahead when nobody is going with you?
Photo by author.
According to Msgr. Andy, our coming home indicates our theology of heaven: we all come home, uwi to heaven our true home that is why when we leave our gatherings we say tutuloy na ako because in the end, we enter heaven. Most of all, we say mauna na ako because nobody knows who is next to die.
What a beautiful lesson I just realized now after mommy had died; even if she’s gone and her empty is room, I will still come home to my sisters and brother, nieces and nephew, relatives and neighbors.
How lovely that despite the pain and emptiness death creates in us here on earth is also the grace of God to fill each others heart with His loving presence and joy as we await our final coming home to Him with our departed loved ones in heaven.
Jesus told his disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.”
John 14:1-3
The best way to come home to heaven is to come home often to our family and friends not only to dine and celebrate but most of all, to praise and thank God in prayers, especially the Sunday Mass. God bless everyone!
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 09 May 2024
Our mother had always loved flowers and shades of pink, especially pink carnation her favorite.
It has been said death is the greatest equalizer. But with my mom’s recent passing, I realized too that death is the best explainer of life. Death is life’s final joke on us that answers, clarifies the many questions we have been asking in our lifetime.
Consider these:
Dad died on June 17, 2000, my mom’s 61st birthday; we celebrated his 40th day of death on his birthday, July 26, 2000. He died on a Saturday, the eve of Father’s Day.
Mommy died May 07, 2024 with her 40th day coming on June 15, two days before her 85th birthday and dad’s 24th death anniversary. This Sunday after her burial is Mother’s Day.
Ever since my father died, I have realized that death weaves a certain pattern in our lives, telling us a lot of things about us and our loved ones. And about life itself if we would have faith in God by setting aside our fears and superstitions.
Photo by author, somewhere in Bgy. Kaysuyo, Alfonso, Cavite, 27 April 2024.
See how Jesus spoke to His disciples about His coming death during their Last Supper:
“Now I am going to the one who sent me, and not one of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ But because I told you this, grief has filled your hearts. But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you… But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming.”
John 16:5-7, 13
It is always after someone had died when things and life itself become clearer for us. In every death comes an unfolding of truth in time, in persons. It is after a beloved had died when we realize how much we do not know of their goodness or kindness that often we are surprised at the outpouring of love by those who come to their wake. Many times, strangers know more of the brighter side of a person when he/she dies. Along this line of mystery of the person we find too how death happens on days that at first seem to mean nothing at all but at closer look, or later as we moved on in life after the demise of a loved one, we see how every death points to something about us and our family and friends!
Hence, we say death is not the end but the beginning of eternity. Actually, with the deaths of my father and now of my mom, I have found death is life. No wonder St. Francis referred to death as a person, calling him “cousin Death.”
This became more clear to me when I became a chaplain at the Fatima University Medical Center (FUMC) in Valenzuela City.
Last year I took care of an elderly priest, Msgr. Teng Manlapig when he was confined in our hospital for almost a month. Two days before he died on February 26, 2023, he asked me to hear his confession. It was a Friday and February 26 last year was the first Sunday in Lent when the gospel was the temptation of Christ in the wilderness.
It was on that Sunday evening after seeing Msgr. Teng for the last time before he was taken to the funeral parlor when I remembered another priest I had cared during his dying days, Msgr. Macario Manahan who died in front of me in his retirement home on March 16, 2014 – the second Sunday in Lent when the gospel was the Transfiguration.
What a tremendous gift from God for me to care until their deaths of two monsignori in the Season of Lent. From them I have realized that our final altar as priests are our deathbeds where even to the end, we celebrate Mass and the Sacraments. From that day on too, I have prayed to God to allow me to go home to Him not during Lent but on Easter. Or, preferably on Ascension Sunday when my time comes.
Have a blessed day celebrating life, finding its meaning and beauty in the prism of cousin Death in Jesus Christ. Amen.
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 07 May 2024
My favorite photo of my mom and dad, so candid, “silang-sila talaga”; now, they are together in heaven.
Yes. It is true. I just realized today that we never get used to any death because every death is different as the person who dies. And most especially, now I have realized, every death is always a blessing from God.
I was preparing for our 630AM Mass today when my youngest niece called me, crying, and the only word I understood she was saying was “Mamu”, referring to my mother. I then asked my brother priest to take over my Mass as I headed home. In less than half an hour, I was anointing my mom for the final moment, said prayers and blessed her body with Holy Water with my sisters and only brother.
I knew this day was coming, even approaching.
In 2020 during the COVID pandemic, I begged God to keep us all safe, not to take any one from my family, especially Mommy who had a stroke in 2005. June last year she had another stroke but refused to stay in the hospital, begged me not to have her confined, “Father, huwag mo ako ipa-ospital…tama na… ayoko na.” What can I do but obey my mother. Last January, she had permanently been bed-ridden, been sleeping for days, and had refused to eat on several days. But one thing we noticed she had always been bubbling with joy, cracking jokes whenever she would wake up.
Mommy would always say the day she married my dad was the happiest day of her life.
Every week, I would visit her, anoint her with Holy Oil and bring her Holy Communion. Since January this year, I have been praying to God to give my mother a peaceful death. I did not ask for her happy death because I felt how happy she has been this past year. Lord, just make it peaceful. No more pain because she had gone through many pain in her life since her childhood as she used to tell me. That is why she insisted on us to all finish our studies because she never had the chance to even reach high school because of that dictum in those years “mag-aasawa lang ang babae…”
And she died peacefully. Definitely, happily early today. My sister said she was supposed to give her medications before 6AM when mommy did not move or even twitch a little. She was still warm, my sister said but unusually still unlike before. That was when they called me.
Like when my dad suddenly died on mommy’s birthday, June 17, 2000, I could not cry hard enough. I feel very sad. But there is that inner joy and peace within me. Especially with my mom’s passing. I thought I would be used to her dying, having prepared for this day, having through dad’s sudden death 24 years ago.
By the way, my homilies since Sunday have always revolved around mommy:
I never knew mommy would “join” daddy today in heaven.
Iba pa rin pala. God is so good. That’s all I feel at the moment. God is so good. He listens and grants our deepest prayers. All praise to Him. Kindly pray for my mother, Corazon. God bless you too and thank you.
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 22 March 2024
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 19 March 2024.
Salamuch to all your birthday greetings and prayers. You were all prayed for during my five day silent retreat here at the Sacred Heart Novitiate in Novaliches, my “Bethel” and “Peniel” in the last ten years.
It was in Bethel where Jacob dreamt of a stairway to heaven that upon waking up realized “the Lord is in this spot, although I did not know it” (Gen.28:16, 19) while it was in Peniel where he wrestled with an angel that he was given the other name “Israel… because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed” (Gen.32:29, 31).
The newly reblocked tree-lined road of Sacred Heart Novitiate.
God has been so kind to me to let me reach 59 – isang taon na lang may Senior Citizen Card na ako!
Last Sunday I had a long lunch with two of my former students in our girls’ high school in Malolos. It was a great feeling of being “reconnected” not only with Karen and Kweenie but also with myself.
God is our most important “connection” in life. To be connected, to reconnect with him is to be one, to be whole again with one’s self, with others and the rest of creation. And that is what a retreat is, a vacation with the Lord which is to reconnect with Him, to be healed and be whole again to find our other vital connections in life (https://lordmychef.com/2024/03/18/re-con-nect/). Here are some of my reflections; hope to help or guide you too to God.
After sunset at the Sacred Heart Novitiate, 21 March 2024.
If I say, “Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light” — Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one.
Psalm 139:11-12
Very often, we feel disconnected from God and everyone, even from one’s self when there is darkness in life due to sins and failures or disappointments as well as when we are tired and feeling sad, even depressed, for varied reasons.
But, the grace of God is actually most bountiful when we are in darkness. And the irony of it all, it is in our darkness is also our light! It is the other side of that another irony I realized a few years ago that it is in emptiness when we are actually full. Kung kailan wala, at saka mayroon!
From the refectory of Sacred Heart Novitiate, 18 March 2024.
In His great silence, God never stops doing something in us and with us while we are groping in the dark. Many times, the very things we complain and cry about that brought us darkness are in fact the most beautiful things we can have and must have done in this imperfect world. Feel God tapping our shoulders, even thanking us that despite the darkness we are into, we remain faithful and committed, still caring and loving those entrusted to us, especially the children and the sick as well as those who hurt us or a burden to us.
Life is always difficult but many times we ignore this reality.
Have you sometimes wondered why life has become so complicated and competitive these days that even if you are not in the “rat race” itself especially when friends and family come to unburden themselves to us, we also get affected. That is when we overextend ourselves helping them, connecting them without realizing we are the ones getting disconnected too with our very selves and the realities of life.
When things are getting dark, stop and accept the fact we are tired or sad. That it is already night time and too dark to go out, that we need to stay inside or remain where we are. Let the darkness pass to avert disasters like breakdowns, feeling exhausted and depleted that we get sick physically and emotionally. When darkness comes, rest in the Lord and enjoy the stars and the moon above.
The Novitiate abounds with calachuchi trees that one can smell the sweet scent of its flowers especially in the evening.
I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew; How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!
Psalm 139:14, 17
Why can’t I accept that I am good, so wonderfully created by God? What a shame at how I always tell people, especially students and youth, to always believe in themselves, that our main problem in life is self-rejection which I am also guilty of.
Lately I have been questioning myself if I am really good at all: “talaga ba akong magaling at mahusay o ma-papel lang?”
Tranquil afternoon at the Sacred Heart Novitiate, 19 March 2024.
It is funny that as I cross into the threshold of senior years, I still have many insecurities in life, still doubting my abilities, of who I am.
One thing God has revealed me this week of prayers is how self-rejection is a result of lack of gratitude to Him. It is only when we are truly grateful to God can we accept, then own our giftedness as a person.
Many times we thank God for his “material” gifts to us that include our family and friends, jobs and career, house and cars and gadgets. Not to forget money and wealth, including fame for some. We thank God for everything except our very gift of selves. We are the most precious gift of God we always forget to thank Him for – our giftedness as a person with all of our talents and abilities.
Bethel and Peniel in one.
Being grateful to God means seeing myself as God sees me His beloved child. Not the way we see ourselves before God that would always be in extremes, either we are too good like the Pharisee in Christ’s parable (Lk. 18:9-14) or too bad almost like the devil.
The more I am grateful to God, the more I cherish my personhood that despite my many flaws and sins, I am still loved by God our Father.
Gratitude is more than being thankful; it is entering into a deeper relationship with God and with anyone good to us. Ungrateful people who could not say “thank you” are the ones who do not care at all to others and their kindness. Whenever we say “thank you,” it means we not only appreciate and acknowledge their gift but most of all, their personhood inasmuch as they have recognized us in the first place.
Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 20 March 2024.
This morning in our Mass, I felt so touched by God that tears swelled in my eyes twice. First when we sang in the entrance hymn “Buksan ang aming plad, sarili’y maialay; turuan Mong ihanap kami ng bagong malay.”
I think that is one thing I need this year, a new consciousness about God, of myself, and my vocation. Lately, I have been “romancing” death. It is not being morbid but simply accepting that reality becoming more real as we age. But, sometimes, I must confess, any fascination with death is defeatist in nature like when we start thinking of retiring early. I have always believed the priesthood is always seeking new directions in the ministry, in serving God and others but lately with all the darkness in me and around me, I just feel like retiring early, of just waiting for the end, whatever that may mean.
Lord Jesus Christ, bring back that fire and enthusiasm in me; give me a new consciousness of You, of me, and of my ministry.
The beauty and majesty of God at the Sacred Heart Novitiate.
Tears swelled in my eyes the second time during the Offertory in our Mass as we sang Take and Receive which is actually the surrender prayer by St. Ignatius. It was the last prayer I recited before the Blessed Sacrament last night as I closed my retreat with a Holy Hour. It is my most favorite prayer but also the one I rarely pray after realizing and feeling its “existential” meaning during our 30-day retreat in 1995.
Try contemplating its meaning and you feel scared praying it, as if telling God, “not yet, Lord, not yet”: “Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou has given all to me. To thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me thy nlove and thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.”
As I closed my retreat last night, I felt praying it again with the same conviction in 1995 after our 30-day retreat, in 1997 for our diaconal ordination and in 1998 for our presbyteral ordination. Once in a while I pray it too in high moments with the Lord. Like last night and this morning.
Thank you, dearest Father for the gift of life, for the gift of personhood; Lord Jesus Christ, You have given me with so much and I have given You so little; teach me to give more of myself, more of of Your love and mercy; take whatever I still have so that I can give more of You in the Holy Spirit. With Mary, teach me to be poor in You. Amen.
Thank you everyone for your love, for your gift of self, for your friendship.
Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 14 March 2024
Image from Pinterest.
I have rarely watched Netflix for over a year except on Sundays after lunch. Aside from my busy schedule, I find really nothing so special nowadays with Netflix. Even my folks back home rarely watch it.
However, three Sundays ago at the start of Lent, I felt like that kid in the 1982 Poltergeist movie wanting to scream “they’re… back” not out of fear but of sheer joy like a child when I saw NBC’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit streaming! I had to forego my siesta and spent the whole afternoon binge-watching an old favorite.
The following Sunday as I looked forward to another afternoon of Law & Order, I found Netflix streaming anew another favorite, Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories.
From then on, I have found another good reason to binge-watch Netflix once in a while even on weekdays. And what a wonderful daily trip to have between the world’s two greatest cities, New York and Tokyo!
From en.wikipedia.org
I have always loved watching police stories since childhood. It was my first “dream” job – to be a detective like Jack Lord, a.k.a. Steve Magarette of Hawaii Five-O, Michael Douglas with Carl Marden of Streets of San Francisco, and the many cops of Hill Street Blues.
A spin-off from the original series Law & Order that was equally good, Law & Order: SVU is distinctly unique with its introduction that says,
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
Opening narration spoken by Steven Zirnkilton
The show premiered in September 1999 and has now become America’s longest running crime series now on its 25th season. What Netflix is streaming are the five seasons from 2009.
But, we love reruns!
The same thing is true with Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories. Originally called Midnight Diner when it premiered in 2009, it was renamed to its present title in 2016 when Netflix took over its production to make it more slick perhaps and palatable to worldwide audience without losing its Japanese touch and flavors that make it so irresistible especially the Nihongo language and songs.
Like Law & Order: SVU, Midnight Diner has a distinctive introduction that promises it to be a series one should not miss.
When people finish their day and hurry home, my day starts. My diner is open from midnight to seven in the morning. They call it “Midnight Diner”. [cut to menu listing “pork miso soup combo, beer, sake, shochu”] That’s all I have on my menu. But I make whatever customers request as long as I have the ingredients for it. That’s my policy. Do I even have customers? More than you would expect.[1]
Opening narration by the chef known simply as the “Master” played by Kaoru Kobayashi
But of course, we love “reheated” food as much as we enjoy reruns in TV shows and movies!
Like old movies and TV shows, some food tastes better when reheated the second time. Even the third time like mechado or anything with sarsa (sauce).
We call it in Filipino, pangat for pangalawa (second) o pangatlong (third) init (reheat)! Actually, pangat is the simplest way of cooking fish boiled in small amount of water with tomatoes and/or onions or kamias.
Maybe, as we get older, everything becomes simpler in life. We do not want so many complications or “dramas” as we say. Simple food, simple drinks, simple evenings. Even reruns and replays, whether food or shows. Why, even people maybe because our bestest friends are those we have kept all these years that whenever we get together, we just rerun our conversations of the same topics when we were together 30 years or 40 years or 50 years ago!
Law & Order: SVU and Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories are two great series like our good old friends. Both shows have got better as they age but always relevant because in their very heart is still the dignity of every human person who must be loved and respected always.
It is amazing that both series are set at two great cities of the world, so apart with each other in everything yet, it is always nice to find kind souls with warm hearts willing to lay everything down for what is true and good. And noble.
Catch them in Netflix. Even for the second or the third or the fourth time. They are television’s finest. Both are a gem to treasure.
*By the way, we are not paid by Netflix nor by anyone for this. We just love the series. Promise.
NEW YORK – AUGUST 10: Ice-T, Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay filming on location for “Law & Order: SVU” on the streets of Manhattan on August 10, 2010 in New York City. (Photo by Bobby Bank/WireImage)
Sabi ko nga sa inyo, kumbinsido ako na mas maraming nasa langit kesa nasa impiyerno. Gagawa at gagawa ng paraan ang Diyos upang masagip ang isang kaluluwa kesa mapahamak sa walang hanggang apoy ng impiyerno.
Tinawag tayo ng Diyos hindi upang parusahan, kundi upang iligtas sa pamamagitan ng ating Panginoong Jesu-Cristo.
1 Tesalonica 5:9
Maraming pagkakataon ko ito napatunayan bilang pari, lalo mula noong 2021 nang maging chaplain ako dito sa pagamutan. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung isa naming pasyente noong isang taon bago mag-Undas.
Larawan kuha ni Dra. Mylene A. Santos, MD sa France, 2022.
Pagkaraan kong magmisa ng Miyerkules ng tanghali sa aming Basic Education Department, nakatanggap ako ng sick call sa aming emergency room. Kaagad ako pumunta at inabutan ko ang isang matandang lalaki na naka-oxygen at maraming mga aparatu na naka-monitor sa kanya.
Lampas 90 na kanyang edad at ang sabi sa akin ng duktor ay maaring pumanaw ang pasyente ano mang oras. Sa malakas kong tinig, sinikap kong kausapin ang pasyente, sinabihan ko siyang magsisi sa kanyang mga kasalanan habang siya ay aking dinarasalan at papahiran ng Banal na Langis. Bumalik ako sa aming university pagkatapos noon.
Laking gulat ko nang sumunod na araw ng Linggo sa aking paghahatid ng Komunyon at pagbabasbas sa mga may-sakit sa aming pagamutan: buhay pa rin iyong pasyente sa pinuntahan ko ng Miyerkules sa ER!
At nang sumunod na araw na naman ng Linggo, naroon pa rin ang naturang pasyente – buhay! Maniwala kayo, umabot pa ng ikatlong araw ng Linggo ang naturang pasyente na dinalaw ko at dinasalan. Nagtataka na rin mga duktor at nars na kung ilang ulit na rin iyon nag-delikado ngunit biglang lumalakas na di mawari.
Noong ikatlong araw ng Linggo na iyon, kinausap ako ng panganay na anak na babae na umuwi mula sa Amerika. Nalaman ko na tatlo silang magkakapatid na puro babae, pawang mga may asawa na rin sila. Filipino-Chinese sila na may-ari ng malaking negosyo sa Bulacan. Wala na ang kanilang ina na pumanaw sa sakit na cancer noon pa.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Camp John Hay, Baguio City, 12 Hulyo 2023.
Laking gulat ko at nangilabot din ako sa kuwento ng panganay na anak na babae: mahilig ang kanilang ama sa mga occult practices gaya ng pagkausap sa kaluluwa ng mga yumao nilang kamag-anak at iba pang mga espiritu, ang pag gamit ng mga anting-anting, mga tarot cards, ouija board at marami pang iba.
Bago daw iyon maglubha, pilit na ipinapasa sa isa sa kanilang magkakapatid ang “kapangyarihan” na nakuha sa yumao nilang lola na ina ng kanilang ama. Inutusan daw silang kunin at dasalin mga aklat-dasalan ng kanilang ama na nasa tila wikang Latin. Noon lamang daw nila nakita mga iyon bagama’t naaalala nilang patagong ginagamit ng tatay nila mga iyon noon pa man.
Noon ko naisip na kaya hindi pa pumapanaw ang naturang pasyente na ibig ipasa kanyang mga occult practices sa kanyang anak. Tinanong ko magkakapatid ano kanilang saloobin at pare-pareho silang ayaw nilang tumulad sa kanilang ama. Natuwa naman ako sa kanilang desisyon kaya ipinaliwanag ko na rin sa kanila ang kahulugan at mga implikasyon ng occult practices ng tatay nila. Kailangan kako na “madeliver” siya mula sa impluwensiyang iyon ng demonyo at ikalawa, wasakin mga gamit niya kayat ipinakuha ko iyon habang ako naman ay umuwi ng parokya upang kunin ang aklat ng exorcismo ni P. Jocis Syquia.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, Pambansang Dambana ng Birhen ng Fatima, 06 Nobyembre 2023.
Pagbalik ko ng parokya, una kong ginawa ay nangumpisal ng aking mga kasalanan sa kasama naming pari. Kumain lamang ako ng kaunti at saka nanalangin sa harap ng Santisimo Sakramento. Pagkaraan ng isang oras, bumalik ako sa ospital upang ganapin ang deliverance prayer sa pasyente ayon sa aklat ni P. Syquia. Muli ko siyang pinahiran ng Banal na Langis at nanalangin kami ng kanyang pamilya pagkaraan ng deliverance session.
Pagkaraan noon ay dinasalan ko at binasbasan mga aklat-dasalan, anting-anting at iba pang mga gamit sa occult ng pasyente na pinagsama-sama ng kanilang boy sa isang black plastic bag. Hindi ko na binulatlat pa ni hawakan mga iyon. Basta, mahigpit kong pinagbilinan yung boy na sunugin lahat ng mga iyon at itapon sa ilog mga abo. Huwag na huwag ka ika ko magtatago ni kukuha ng isa kungdi ay mapapasama kanyang buhay. Hapon na nang maka-uwi ako ng parokya at ang una kong ginawa ay manalangin muli sa harapan ng Santisimo Sakramento.
Umuwi ang naturang pasyente kinabukasan araw ng Lunes. Wala pa raw isang oras sa bahay habang nakahiga sa bago niyang hospital bed, payapang pumanaw ang naturang pasyente. Ayon sa mga nars, nagbalik doon ang panganay na anak na babaeng kumausap sa akin upang magpaabot ng pasasalamat at naikuwento nga paanong pumanaw ang kanilang ama.
Larawan ni Lucifer, ang Satanas, mula sa wikipediacommons.org.
Muli, mga ginigiliw ko, noon ko napatunayan ang lalim at lawak, ang di masusukat na pagmamahal sa atin ng Diyos na hindi niya tayo tatawaging mamatay nang hindi pa handa.
Pakiwari ko ay sa tatlong linggong iyon mula nang pahiran ko ng Langis sa ER ang naturang pasyente, nakipagbuno at babag sa demonyo si San Miguel Arkanghel sa utos ng Diyos upang agawin at iligtas ang kaluluwa ng taong iyon.
Isinulat ko rin ito upang tigilan na rin sana ng mga makababasa nito ang anu mang uri ng mga occult practices pati na mga tawas at pagpunta sa mga faith healer, manghuhula at espiritista. Magpatingin muna sa duktor kung mayroong karamdaman. Lakipan ito ng taimtim na pananalangin at matibay na pananalig sa Diyos nating makapangyarihan sa lahat. Amen.
Lawiswis ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-14 ng Nobyembre 2023
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, San Juan, La Union, Hulyo 2023.
Noong ako ay bagong pari, maraming pagkakataon na para ako nahihiya o nababagabag kapag iyong aking dinalaw na may sakit ay pumanaw pagkaraan ko siya pahiran ng Banal na Langis. Binibiro kasi ako palagi ng mga tao na huwag ko silang dadalawin kapag sila ay nagkasakit dahil sa halip na mabuhay pa, baka sila ay mamatay kaagad.
Napawi na lamang aking pagkabagabag nang ipaliwanag sa akin ng dati kong kura, ang yumaong Padre Nanding Ersando na ikagalak ko raw kung pumanaw ang pinahiran ko ng Banal na Langis dahil nakapaghatid ako ng kaluluwa sa langit.
Kaya mula noon ay iyon na aking pinanghawakan lalo na ngayong naglilingkod ako bilang chaplain sa Fatima University Medical Center sa Valenzuela kung saan kada araw ng Linggo ay dinadalaw ko lahat ng pasyente pagkaraan ng Banal na Misa. Madalas sinasabi sa akin ng mga duktor at nars kapag mayroong pumapanaw na “hinintay lang po kayo, Father” kasi matapos ko silang pahiran ng langis o bigyan ng komunyon, bigla silang pumapanaw kahit wala sa ICU.
At nakapagtataka rin naman na sa tuwing mayroong hihiling ng dasal, kumpisal at pagpapahid ng langis, palagi naman ako ay naririto. Bihirang-bihira na mayroong magrequest ng sick call na ako ay wala. Kung sakali mang wala ako sa ospital o pamantasan, tiyak aabutan ko pa ang pasyente pagdating ko at saka papanaw.
Para sa akin, ang mga ito ay malinaw na pagpapahayag ng pag-ibig ng Diyos sa atin na palagi niyang tinitiyak sa langit tayo uuwi sa kahuli-hulihan. Kaya sigurado din ako, mas maraming namamatay ang sa langit napupunta o kaya sa purgatoryo muna kesa sa impiyerno maliban na lamang talaga na ayaw ng sino man sa Diyos. Mismo si Jesus ang nagsabi noon:
“Lalapit sa akin ang lahat ng ibinibigay sa akin ng Ama. At hindi ko itataboy ang sinumang lumalapit sa akin. Sapagkat ako’y bumaba mula sa langit, hindi upang gawin ang kalooban ko, kundi ang kalooban ng nagsugo sa akin. At ito ang kanyang kalooban: huwag kong pabayaang mawala kahit isa sa mga ibinigay niya sa akin, kundi muling buhayin sila sa huling araw.”
Juan 6:37-39
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, San Juan, La Union, Hulyo 2023.
Hindi tatawag ang Diyos ng sino mang hindi handa. Maski ito sa mga namatay ng biglaaan at sa aksidente. Kaya nga sa mga lamayan, madalas makuwento ng mga kaibigan at kaanak kung paanong tila nagpapaalam o naghahabilin ang namatay ilang araw o linggo bago siya pumanaw.
Tayo mismo makakaramdam kung tayo ay papanaw na dahil iyon ay biyaya na kaloob ng Diyos. Totoong totoo ito sa mga nakaratay sa banig ng karamdaman, iyong mga mayroong malubhang sakit (https://lordmychef.com/2023/11/08/giving-permission-to-die/).
Gayon pa man, isa pa ring malaking hiwaga ang kamatayan na kung saan sadyang ang Diyos lamang ang nakababatid kailan darating kanino man. Kaya naman, ang kahalagahan ng pamumuhay ng tunay at ganap palagi sa pag-amin at pagtanggap ng ating pagkatao, kasama na ating mga pagkakasala sa isa’t isa.
Isang bagay napagtanto ko sa buhay na kung kelan natin tanggap na tanggap ang mabuhay, doon din natin natatanggap ang mamatay. Kadalasan takot tayong mamatay kasi marami tayong dapat gawin na hindi pa natin ginagawa o palaging ipinagpapaliban. O, hindi matanggap.
Mahirap kapag marami tayong mga bagahe na dala-dala sa buhay. Mabigat at maganit ang buhay. Walang tuwa at kaganapan. Pero kung mga ito ay ating haharapin at bibitiwan, doon tayo namumuhay ng tunay at ganap kaya sa mabuhay at mamatay, hindi na mahalaga sa atin gaya ng pahayag ni San Pablo (Fil. 1:21-23). Kung saan mayroong kaganapan, naroon ang Diyos, naroon din ang katiwasayan at kapayapaan. Kapag walang kaganapan, tiyak naroon ang mga takot at panghihinayang. Mahirap at mabigat.
Larawan kuha ng may-akda, San Juan, La Union, Hulyo 2023.
Ang langit, maging impiyerno, ay hindi lamang lunan kungdi katayuan sa buhay, kundisyon o sitwasyon. Kung habang tao nabubuhay at dama nating langit ang buhay sa kabila ng mga pasakit, langit nga ang tungo natin kapag namatay. Ngunit kung habang tayo ay nabubuhay at pakiramdam ay impiyerno ang buhay, kahit maraming pera at karangyaan, mga kaibigan at kung sinu-sino kasama natin, impiyerno nga ating tutunguhan.
Ang mabuting balita ay ito: nasa kamay natin ang pagpapasya. Lahat ay ibig pumunta sa langit ngunit, nakahanda ba tayo sa mga bagay-bagay, maging mga tao at kung sinu-sino na kaya nating talikuran at iwanan upang magkaroon ng kapayapaan at katiwasayan sa kalooban?
Madaling sabihin ngunit sa aking napagtanto, ang buhay ay araw-araw na munting pagkamatay sa ating sarili hanggang sa tayo ay masaid at mapuno ng Diyos. Iyon ang kabanalan – mapuno, mapuspos ng Diyos. Hindi ng mga bagay-bagay at kung sinu-sino. Kaya sa kahuli-hulihan, kapag nalagot na ating mga hininga at tayo ay pumanaw, doon na rin ang kaganapan ng pagpasok natin sa langit. Mapagpalang araw sa iyo, Bai!
*Narito isang awit na paborito ko noong dekada 90 mula sa AfterImage.
