Windows to past & to future

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 24 March 2025

Some people have been asking me how does it feel to be sigisty years old? I really don’t have any complete answer yet except the feeling of sudden shift in my perspectives in life.

Whether it is what experts call as the gestalt shift, I do not know. However, since I have failed in a psychological exam to the major seminary in 1982 that forced me to forget all about the priesthood momentarily (nine years), I have always thought of myself as “crazy” with weird thoughts and ideas, weird perceptions coming from weird images and illusions I see on many things

These manifest in my photography subjects that are often wala lang, as in trip trip lang talaga. Like in my recent annual retreat at the Sacred Heart Novitiate in Novaliches where I have been coming since 2016. Suddenly this year, my focus were so bent on the most ordinary features of this venerable institution that is about 75 years old.

During my stay there last week, the stairs, the windows, and the arches that are even older than me be4came so lovely and interesting. I felt so drawn to them that I had a lot of shots taken upon my arrival.

The Sacred Heart Novitiate is my “happy place” because it is my Bethel where I “dreamt” like Jacob of the stairway to heaven (Gen. 28:10-22). It is also my Peniel or Penuel (Gen. 32:23-32) where like Jacob I also wrestled with God or an angel in deep prayers every year.

In my previous article, I have explained that maybe my focus on the stairs was due to my excitement in awaiting the Netflix documentary on Led Zeppelin whose most famous song is called Stairway to Heaven.

Today, I share with you some photos I have taken with my weird perceptions of the Sacred Heart Novitiate’s windows that suddenly evoked a lot of ideas in me as a sigisty year old man so loved by God.

Being a new senior sixty cent only last Saturday, I felt the joy of being able to look at a very long past of both beautiful and sad even painful memories that have made me who I am today.

Despite the hurts and scars from the many battles in life, I am still glad and thankful for the gift of six decades.

Being a sigisty year old man is like looking out the window, marveling at how fast times have flown that many times, some scenes in my life are like some spots outside that look so near that are actually so far and distant.

I felt my getting old started the time I kept saying “40 years ago ba iyon” when commenting on an event or a song or a movie. Parang kailan lang pero matagal na pala!

Like in life itself, you can choose your focus when looking outside the window: you may include the window itself in the vista like a frame or totally disregard its existence and simply look at the world outside or the past itself. You may also focus on the sceneries you prefer, more of the lovely ones and less of the unsightly.

On the other hand, I have strongly felt too as I turned sigisty years old how my remaining days on earth are numbered. Looking back to the past seems an endless horizon while looking into the future is very definite. You can see already the end of the line, so to speak s you get that feeling my days are numbered. That is the moment when the eternal spring within tells you that at the end of that tunnel or wall is eternity. But, before that, you know the end is near.

The word “window” came from the Old Norse vindauga, from vind or “wind” that was pronounced as the English “wind” and auga for eye that phonetically sounded as “ow” that literally meant “wind-eye” that became the Old English word wind-ow or “window” as we know and use it today.

Hence, window became the term for an opening in any building like home that allows air and light to pass through. Most of all, it is an opening for people inside to see the world outside while giving those outside a glimpse of what’s inside.

How lovely is that interplay happening in every window that opens a person’s vista outside and inside. It is how one looks on windows that makes the great difference that eventually forms our perspectives in life.

About three decades ago, Bill Gates launched his company Microsoft’s operating system called Windows that greatly revolutionized our lives with computers becoming easily accessible for everyone. Unlike its funny looking predecessor called dost, Windows was aptly called as one had to simply click a box like literally opening a window to explore its many programs.

Windows – the real ones like in buildings – still present us with such great possibilities when we look outside or into them.

But of course, that still greatly depends on that one great window God had gifted us – our eyes that have both sight and vision.

Jesus told his disciples, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be” (Matthew 6:22-23).

How unfortunate that many times, we prefer to limit the use of our eyes to just sights that limit our perspectives on what are simply obvious and visible.

Only a few called as visionaries dare to use their eyes to have vision, that is, to see and look beyond what’s visible and before us, whether from the window or into the window.

If we can have our eyes synced together with both sight and vision, then we shall see much more in this life that we become grateful with our past while at the same time filled with joyful expectations of the fast approaching beyond of this world as we age. Amen.

*All photos taken by the author using the iPhone 16 Pro Max at the Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, March 17-22, 2025.

Right perspective, clear vision, then mission.

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 20 March 2025

*Photo by author, Canyon Woods Resort Club, Laurel, Batangas, 15 March 2025.*

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho, “The Alchemist”

It is exactly what I am experiencing these days since we had our university management team-building seminar in Batangas last weekend when my realizations there were reinforced in my ongoing annual personal retreat here in Novaliches that started Monday evening.

It is a moment of consolation when suddenly, the whole universe conspires not only to get whatever you want but simply to affirm you being on the right track, giving you the proverbial pat on the shoulder that everything is going fine, everything falling into its right places.

*Photo by author with flash, Canyon Woods Resort Club, Laurel, Batangas, 15 March 2025.*

Pardon me for writing for the third time about perspectives and point-of-view (POV) as I could not contain the joy of the fruits of my prayers.

Another thing is the fact that when I took these photos randomly, there was no plan at all in writing about the subject of perspective. Never thought how these photos would turn out to be pieces of a jigsaw puzzle on perspective and POV.

We have reflected the other day how our perspectives of things and people as well as events contribute to the understanding or breakdown in communication as they reveal our inner thoughts and dispositions. It is not only important at how we narrate a story from whatever POV but most of all, at how open are we in refining our perspectives so that we achieve unity.

(More photos from our team-building in Batangas.)

Lights at the lobby of Canyon Woods taken from below.
Sunset from my room…
sunrise from same room.
Delighful scene of window and moon at night.

During our Holy Hour Tuesday night to cap our first day of prayers, I realized something very close to our subject of perspective while praying over the following gospel passage regarding the Mystery of God:

Jesus told his disciples, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be” (Matthew 6:22-23).

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 17 March 2025.*

When we have the right perspective in life, we get a clear vision of life too.

That is why in our previous blog we have said we need to refine our perspective like an artist who has to spend and invest time not only in his/her studies but most especially in his/her dealing and interactions with people to come up with an obra maestra.

Living, after all, is an art, of our participation in the grace of God to bring out the best in each of us. St. Paul was very clear about this perspective regarding leadership and community life that both aim to show the giftedness of every member.

Our perspectives are put to the test in moments of darkness like when we are in trials and tribulations, difficulties and crises. It is during darkness in life when people are distinguished from merely having sight or with a vision. According to the American writer Helen Keller, the worst thing that can happen in life is for anyone with sight not to have any vision at all.

Of course, we all know Helen was blind who wrote some of the loveliest poetry of her time.

Many people just have sight that can be easily blurred that eventually affect their perspective. It is more than looking from the inside or from the outside (POV) but of how we see or look at everything and everyone from within us.

A person of vision always sees beyond and therefore achieves more, always more fulfilled and fruitful than those who merely sees things, people and events as they are.

People with the right perspective will always have vision in seeing everything despite many obstacles in life. They remain focused on what they “see” that others could not see at all. With a right perspective and proper vision, that person still sees when “darkness is his only light and hopelessness is his only hope” (T. S. Eliot in Four Quartets).

My spiritual director since 2016, Jesuit Father Danny Gozar asked me during outside prayer periods that I “deliberately appreciate” God’s creation like feeling the gentle breeze, walking barefooted to be caressed by the green grass soaked in morning dew, feel the burning heat of the sun and if it rains – which it did briefly – try to get wet to feel the raindrops.

What struck me most were the many sounds of nature here in Sacred Heart Novitiate due to its mini-forest.

Crows caw the whole day along with the crickets while the ugly gecko fills the whole place with its cries of tu…ko! tu…ko!

Their sounds were so musical to my ears, sounds I have last heard decades ago while growing up in the province but almost totally gone in the city.

What is amusing is how with merely the sounds they make, we can form images of how these creatures look like!

The same thing with God himself.

When we are formed in Jesus Christ’s perspectives in life, everything around us becomes a reminder of God’s presence, of himself with us. We cannot see him but with his gift of vision, we see him. And follow him.

That is why, with proper perspective comes vision. Then, mission!

Perspectives & stairs: a photo essay

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 18 March 2025

While I was processing my many realizations and lessons about perspectives and point of view (POV) following our team-building activities over the weekend, the venue’s architecture fascinated me, particularly its solid design of the staircase. I felt they all conveyed to me the very thoughts percolating in me that day of how our perspectives affect our communications, for better or for worst (https://lordmychef.com/2025/03/17/on-the-road-to-my-60th-perspectives-and-pov/).

Where we stand on the staircase is our POV – above on top, at the middle stop or at the bottom part. But how we look at the staircase reveals our perspectives, either we are looking up from or looking down to the floor that can have different impact with others.

The perspectives and views from that experience in Canyon Woods Resort Club in Batangas remained with me until Monday when I arrived at the Sacred Heart Novitiate in Novaliches where I have been going on my personal retreat since 2016.

*Stairs at the new Blessed Peter Faber Hall.*

It was another lesson in perspectives. They were the same stairs that have been there for almost 75 years with some younger at 30 years which I have seen and walked on the past nine years but it was only now that I have recognized their unique beauty.

And lessons.

*Stairs at the main and oldest building at the Sacred Heart Novitiate leading to its chapel at the second floor.*

Things change greatly when we see them from the top and from below. The same sights can evoke fear and dangers, or joy of being challenged to climb the flight of stairs.

*View from top upon exit from the chapel, same stairs, different perspective.*

Perspectives also change especially when we use the modern apps in cameras and phone cameras today like the iPhone 16 I am using lately.

*Access ramp at the Faber Hall directly leading to the modern Chapel of the Holy Family.*

One can change perspectives by simply editing a photo to change its “mood” to soften or strengthen its impact. Or, change its color to the traditional Black & White I have always loved.

B&W photos evoke simplicity and mystery at the same time. They converse with viewers as if inviting you to provide the “colors”. See the “ironing board” or plantsahan under the stairs that remind us of home.

Our focus and point-of-view convey different perspectives of the same objects as seen from different angles. In this shot below of the side stairs to the dorms at the second and third floors of the Blessed Faber Building are very inviting as if leading you to light or enlightenment that is primarily the reason of most people going on recollections and retreats here.

There is the sense of openness, of opening to God too not only with emphasis on the light that falls on each step but also in revealing the back or bottom part of the stairs, there is the perspective of courage to bare what’s inside. Or underneath. A sense of sincerity.

What’s in a stairway? There were the stairs that caught my attention in Batangas because it was my first time to be there at Canyon Woods Resort Club.

But, here again in my “happy place”, my “Bethel” where like Jacob I “wrestle” with God in prayers every year? Why my attention?

Blame it partly to my anticipation for the coming Netflix documentary on Led Zeppelin whose masterpiece Stairway to Heaven had made a tremendous impact on me as a child growing up in the 1970’s.

During that time, I have heard older people saying rock music was of the devil but I wondered why, if Led Zeppelin was diabolic, were they singing something about the heaven like Stairway to Heaven?

*Stairs to the second floor dorm of the Sacred Heart Novitiate, 17 March 2025.*

Later on in Grade 5 and 6 in the late 70’s, I heard our religion teachers that included nuns at St. Paul College-Bocaue spoke about Jacob’s dream of a “stairway to heaven”.

Immediately, I realized rock music isn’t bad at all!

And so, after classes I would come home early enough ahead of my father so that I could listen to DZRJ-AM that played all the classic and modern rock music of that time along with Juan Dela Cruz Band and other Pinoy rakistas.

*A cozy resting place for souls trying to reach heaven at the mezzanine room of a spiritual director, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, QC, 17 March 2025.*

Good that I did not listen to some aunts who insisted that I could not become a priest if I followed rock music which did not hinder at all my listening to God about my priestly calling. In 1998, I was ordained priest while still rockin and rollin’ with Led Zep, Steely Dan and other rock bands.

As a priest turning sigisty (60) soon and 27 years in the ministry, my perspective on stairs have evolved: as a priest, my job is to lead others to heaven – whatever song they may be singing. God bless everyone!

Twice lost, twice found. In Baguio II.

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 17 July 2023

*Photo by author, sunrise at Camp John Hay, 12 July 2023.*

If there is one thing I have truly learned and finally got convinced more than ever, never trust “media”: what you see and hear especially in social media are not true at all. I have known it all along having worked there. Have been teaching it too for so long. But sometimes, just because I was with the bagets and younger siblings who all relied with WAZE and Tiktok while listening endlessly to Spotify, sigue na nga, maniwala na nga ako sa media.

*Photo by author, Camp John Hay, 12 July 2023.*

And so, we got lost again on our final day in Baguio City.

But, still thankful for the experience, the fun and new discoveries not only outside but inside ourselves as siblings, as a family.

Went to bed earlier the night before hoping I could sleep longer in the city of pines. Unfortunately, I was already up before 5am, as usual, the following morning.

Sad to say, too, the weather is no longer that cold anymore in Baguio as before. Though the temperature readings indicated 19 degrees, I could hardly feel it except at about 2am.

Walked a kilometer with my only nephew Tommy and his mother, my sister Meg who enjoyed identifying the various plants and flowers with her phone app. She’s the only one among us four who had inherited our mother’s green thumb, a certified plantita as she would prove later in our misadventure.

*Admiring the “naturally” thriving flowers on a street near the Good Shepherd Convent in Baguio, 12 July 2023.*

After a sumptuous breakfast at the Manor House and endless pictorials, we packed our things to check out half an hour before 12 noon for the second most important itinerary of any Baguio vacation: Good Shepherd and Mines View Park shopping for pasalubong!

Traffic was not heavy when we went there, a Tuesday and Wednesday. And Baguio’s new traffic scheme with many “one ways” seem to be working well, even better than before the pandemic period.

We were supposed to visit the Living Gifts Nursery also in La Trinidad town but, WAZE and Google Maps seem to be at a loss where that is located that we ended up at the Bahong Sunflower Garden.

I was already getting impatient after several misses and turns, refreshing Google map over and over when on our third try, we saw signs to a tourism office and the Bahong Sunflower Garden.

That was when we decided to forget the Living Gifts Nursery as we convinced ourselves it had changed its name to Bahong Sunflower Garden after the TikTok reel was uploaded.

Maybe next time, TikTok should also incorporate a GPS app for its featured destination spots for directions. Or, I better stop acting as navigator at all.

*Photo by our youngest niece, Catherine Darla Lalog.*

There’s an entrance fee so minimal, not less than 100-pesos but again, the sights are worth all the efforts. And patience.

*Photo by our birthday celebrator, Bing-Bing.*

Of course, first thing we looked for upon arrival was the “CR” that was “comfortable” enough to make us smile and laugh in enjoying each other with nature made better by its cool, sometimes chilly, breeze.

*Photo by author, still at Bahong Sunflower Garden, 12 July 2023.*

We left Bahong Sunflower Garden after an hour with a lot of fond memories as a family. Shortly before boarding our car, Meg could not contain herself not buying a plant from there. And the more she became insistent after finding out what she wanted cost only 300 pesos which according to her could easily fetch a price of over 3000-pesos in Bulacan.

Despite protests from her kids that there was no more space for her second plant, like my mom, Meg found a way of arranging everything at the back of her Innova with still some space – just in case – like additional pasalubong along the way.

*Photo by author, still at Bahong Sunflower Garden, La Trinidad, Benguet, 12 July 2023.*

How true indeed that once in a while, it is good to get lost in our trips. After all, it is the journey that matters most and not the destination. Most especially, the company you keep. Primary of them is our own family.

Being the eldest in the family, there were times I wished I have an Ate, an elder sister, someone I could turn to in times of difficulties. Someone to look up to. Hindi yung ako lang palagi tinitingala nila especially after Dad had passed away in 2020.

But, up there in La Trinidad, I have realized that in life, it is not really about looking up and looking down. The only time we ought to look up is to God who is above all else and everything. Our semper major. The rest, in my view, is not about looking up nor looking down but of seeing more each one as a person, a beloved. Life is about seeing – not looking – to find the giftedness of everyone that has always been ever present.

Truly, “persons are gifts of God to me, that come all wrapped so differently” as we used to sing in our daily Masses in the high school seminary. This was most true as we left the garden when we have to ascend.

It was our only nephew Tommy who was most gracious and kind, and strong enough, to pull us up from the steep and sometimes slippery pathways.

Along the way, he found these plants which he called as nature’s “chocolate batirol”.

Despite his denials, he seemed disappointed when Camp John Hay’s Chocolate de Baterol was still closed when we walked there earlier.

We shall definitely go back to Baguio City to relax and unwind. And get lost again.

Thank you for joining us in our trip. God bless everyone! May you also have a great vacation soon! Amen.

Our help is in the name of the Lord

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Monday in the Fifteenth Week of Ordinary Time, Year I, 17 July 2023
Exodus 1:8-14, 22 <*((((>< + ><))))*> Matthew 10:34-11:1

Monday, middle of July,
first day of work,
I thank and praise you O God
like the psalmist with similar words,
"Had not the Lord been with us
when men rose up against us,
then would they have swallowed us alive,
when their fury was inflamed against us.
Blessed be the Lord, 
who did not leave us
a prey to their teeth.
Our help is in the name of the Lord,
who made heaven and earth" 
(Ps. 124:2-3, 6, 8).

So many times these past weeks
many of us felt like giving up,
some have actually quit
but many are willing to go back today
to follow you.
Grant us your grace and blessings
to forge on in your mission.

*Photo by author, La Trinidad, Benguet, 11 July 2023.*

As I looked back to the past weeks,
I recall dear God how like your people
in ancient Egypt when "the more they were
oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread"
(Exodus 1:12), the same thing happened with us:
more the challenges we have faced,
 the more we have become stronger
in your grace and mercy;
the more we assert your word and teachings
so unpopular these days, 
the more we experience peace within;
the more our goings get tough and difficult,
the more we are fulfilled,
the more we feel blessed.

*Photo by author, La Trinidad, Benguet, 12 July 2023.*

Keep us faithful in Jesus Christ,
learning to let go of ourselves to you,
completely trusting in taking up our crosses
to follow him, cognizant of our fellow
disciples going through the same
trials and tribulations.
Amen.

The Eyes of the Lord

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Wednesday in the Fourteenth Week in Ordinary Time, Year I, 12 July 2023
Genesis 41:55-57;42:5-7, 17-24 >> + << Matthew 10:1-7

*Phot by author, sunrise in Baguio City,* *12 July 2023.*

As we take a break on a brief rest today,
O God our Father, 
let me call to you
like the psalmist:
“Lord, let your mercy
be on us, as we place
our trust in you.”

*Photo by author, sunrise in Baguio City, 12 July 2023.*

Give thanks to the Lord on the harp;
with a ten-stringed lyre 
chant his praises.
Sing to him a new song;
pluck the strings skillfully,
with shouts of gladness.

… the plan of the Lord
stands forever;
the designs of his heart,
through all generations.

*Photo by author, breaking of dawn in Baguio City,* *12 July 2023.*

But see, the eyes of the Lord
are upon those who fear him,
upon those who hope for his kindness,
to deliver them from death
and preserve them in spite 
of famine.

*Photo by author at the Forest Lodge in Camp John Hay, Baguio City, 12 July 2023.*

Lord, we pray for those separated
from their family and loved ones,
by choice or by circumstances beyond
their controls;
we pray for those you send us
to proclaim “The Kingdom of heaven
is at hand.
Amen.

*All photos taken by author using iPhone, 12 July 2023.*

Roots

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 10 April 2023
A photo-reflection of our rootedness in God while at the Sacred Heart Novitiate last March 20-22, 2023.

In the lush rolling hills of Novaliches
that is now fast disappearing are
23 hectares of pastureland and mini forests 
inside the Sacred Heart Novitiate
of the Society of Jesus.

Thank God it had opened
anew its doors to retreatants like me
wishing to have a "vacare Deo"
or vacation in the Lord.

A retreat
or a vacare Deo
is a return to our roots,
God.

While preparing for the formal
start of my retreat last March 20,
I felt the roots of the many trees
speaking to me
 in this Bethel of mine
where like Jacob in
Genesis 28:10-19,
I met God.
Sometimes,
I wrestled with Him
like Jacob too
in Peniel/Penuel
(Gen. 32:23-33).

How interesting
the words "true" and "truth"
along with its cousin "trust"
came from the old English
"treowe"
for tree.

According to experts,
the Anglo-Saxons worshipped trees
they called "treowe"
because they evoked firmness
and solidness;
the more rooted is the tree,
the more firm does it stand.
Like truth.

Whatever that is true, firmly standing
like a tree or treowe always has extensive 
network of roots, creating linkages
and interconnections from which came
that image of the 
"family tree".

When there are interconnections,
linkages,
there are relationships.
People with the most
wonderful relationships
are also the truthful ones
because they are trustworthy.
Reliable.
Like God.
Our root.
Our rootedness
who connects us with
everyone.

When we are rooted
and grounded in God,
nothing can ever disturb us
like a big, big, tree.
We can withstand all storm,
bear the sun's heat
remaining firm
and aglow
 with God's majesty
in daytime and in darkness.

Lovelier than the tree,
thank God
for creating me.
Hallelujah!

On turning 58

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 21 March 2023

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, 20 March 2023, Novaliches, QC.*

Thank you for your birthday greetings. I have been on a silent retreat since Monday until Wednesday, my 58th birthday, at the Jesuits’ Sacred Heart Novitiate (SHN) in Quezon City. I usually go on retreats in June when my loads were lighter, when I feel so tired and exhausted, even burned out. Or when I have to make a major decision that I have to discern well.

For the first time, I went on this personal retreat not out of dire needs or even expediencies except that I miss God so much. This is the first time I went on a retreat without problems or issues to resolve. Most of all, without any complaints to God as I told my spiritual director, Fr. Danny Gozar, one of the Jesuits who facilitated our 30-Day Retreat in Cebu in 1995.

Sharing with you some of God’s consolations to me since Monday.

*Photo by author, 20 March 2023, Sacred Heart Novitiate, QC.*

It was the feast of St. Joseph last Monday because March 19 fell on the Fourth Sunday in Lent. Right away, God consoled me upon arrival here when the daily Mass was starting. The priest, the Australian novice master of the Jesuits said in his homily that St. Joseph’s mission to give the name “Jesus” to the Child to be born by the Blessed Virgin Mary is also our first task in life which is to witness that “God saves” which is the meaning of the name “Jesus”.

That is when I realized the silence of St. Joseph which is not just being quiet by shutting out all the noise; silence is fulness, trying to listen and discern the sounds within, the sounds that speak of love and kindness, of mercy and forgiveness, of the voice of God also the softest and faintest, telling us to trust him alone and not be bothered with what would happen next.

To be silent like St. Joseph is ultimately to be silent like Jesus on the Cross, wholly trusting the Father, loving us until the end.

After lunch, I caught sight of the beautiful statue of Our Lady of Banneux (Our Lady of the Poor) at the side garden. It is one of my favorite prayer spots in this 23-hectare spirituality center in Quezon City. It was a nice spot to think of the many things I am thankful for since 2020 in preparation for my actual prayer blocks later that afternoon. And I had so many things to thank God since the pandemic started. First is the gift of life, that I have survived COVID-19!

The beauty of prayer is how it opens us to so many things about us we were totally unaware of like the gifts God has given us, the blessings he has showered us, the immense love he has for us. I discovered 20 things to be thankful for which I never thought I had and had never even thanked God for them!

That is the giftedness also of the Blessed Virgin Mary as she sang her Magnificat that while all generations shall call her blessed, she remains God’s lowly handmaid (Lk.1:48), remaining poor, an anawim who relies only in the Lord.

Being poor like Mary is being simple and empty for God. May we always be poor in need of God!

Fr. Danny directed me to just pray that afternoon until evening Psalm 139:1-18, asking for the specific grace of Mystery, of God himself. And God answered me! I felt his presence and generally, there was the feeling of joy within as I prayed before the Blessed Sacrament.

“You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew; my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret…
Psalm 139:13-15

God confirmed my earlier reflections, the things I am thankful to him since 2020.

God designed me personally, he had a purpose in creating me and creating me this way which for so long I have not totally appreciated and liked, wishing I were somebody else, or endowed with so many other talents I so admire in others.

God made each of us so specially, not mass-produced.

He made us so well, almost perfect to reflect his glory. And along this is the need to take care of ourselves.

How can I be a sign of God's glory and majesty even though I am sinner?

After supper, I felt longing for God that I went back to the chapel for another hour of prayer. I was a bit distracted, even restless at the start. Indeed, the most difficult prayer is always the most meritorious as I felt a deep intensity in the following passage:

Lord, you have probed me, you know me; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, you know it all.
Psalm 139:1, 2-4

God knows everything about us! There is no hiding from him. But, even if he knows us so well, he does not impose himself on us. Many times, God allows us to open up to him in our own time. Not just in his time. Like when we go astray, when we turn away from him in sins.

"you understand my thoughts from afar."

Even if I am far from God in sin, he still loves me, he still relates with me, understanding me. Waiting for me. Because he knows too that even if we sin, we still long for him. No one among us is happy being in sin. God knows that we know he is our life, that we cannot stay far from him for long.

"My travels and my rest you mark."

Where are you leading me, Lord? Sometimes I wonder if I am the one following God or is it God following me, watching over me that I always find my way back to him?

I have realized in almost 25 years being a priest, priesthood is more of a direction than a destination. From the school in Malolos to UST and UP for sometime then to Radio Veritas and nine years in a parish, now I am a chaplain in a big university with six campuses and two hospitals. Really, we were not prepared for this, especially myself! But, you are always there, God, leading me, always surprising me that even if you ask me to go anywhere else, I would go even if I have to learn a new language or whatever.

Here I found one thing I have always been remiss with – the need for me to rest in the Lord. To stop like this retreat not only when I have problems or overburdened.

At the end of my first day, my main realizations were -in Filipino as they dawned on me – were, first,

"Mahal na mahal ako ng Diyos.
Hindi lang basta mahal.
Kungdi mahal na mahal."

Secondly, as I prepared to sleep that night with all the lights out, I realized

"Mas nakakatakot maniwala sa Diyos
kesa sa multo kase
ang Diyos ay totoo,
ang multo ay hindi totoo!"

Thank you for your bearing with me. May God touch you, bless you, and heal you! Amen.

Beauty and blessedness at sunrise

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nick F. Lalog II, 05 May 2022

*Photo by author, sunrise at the Lake of Tiberias (Galilee) in Israel, May 2019.*

Our gospel last Sunday spoke of the Risen Lord’s third appearance to his disciples at the Lake of Tiberias. No one, except the beloved disciple recognized Jesus standing at the shore after he had told them to cast their net to the right side of the boat that led to their plentiful catch of fish.

When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore; but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered him, “No.” So he said to them, “Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something.” So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish. So the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad, and jumped into the sea.
John 21:4-7

*Photo by author, sunrise at Lake of Tiberias, May 2017.*

I love the way it is narrated. What a wonderful interplay of realities, of John the beloved recognizing Jesus standing at the shore upon seeing the many fish caught in their net!

The story speaks of the beauty of every sunrise many of us seem to take for granted, of how so many of us miss the beautiful sight and silence of the morning. It is a story of every new day filled not only with promises but in itself a blessing we can surely experience when we first recognize Christ present in us.

That is perhaps one problem with us who always prefer spectacular sights and events to find God.

Unlike sunset, sunrise does not have radiant displays of colors and shades. It is very simple which is the lesson of Easter to us, of how our great God comes to us in the simplest moments of life. Recall too that Jesus was born in the middle of the darkest night of the year when everyone was asleep and rose from the dead very, very early in the morning that no one had seen! And here lies one of the wonderful mysteries in life – the hiddenness of God!

It is in God’s hiddenness that we can find him not because he is hiding but inviting us to be hidden in him too. That is the beauty of sunrise when you have to wake up early to see the beauty of life unfolding, awaiting something we are totally unaware of what is going to happen next. It is easier to wait for the sunset because you have been up and going the whole day; you just have to stop and pause for a while to await the sun going down.

*Photo by Ms. Jo Villafuerte, sunrise at Atok, Benguet, September 2019.*

Sunrise is different. It is like awaiting a total stranger, compared with sunset after we have befriended the the day about to end.

Every morning when we wake up, we do not know what is in store for us. Some people are excited, others are not while the rest simply got the blues or too lazy to work and study that they would rather sleep more.

Maybe that is why sunrise is more subdued with its hues and shades. Like God, sunrise is so kind, very accommodating with everyone, no spectacular display of colors so that one could buy his own time on whether to go out and move or snuggle more in bed, alone or with somebody else.

Like a beloved someone or God himself, sunrise looks soft and calm, reassuring everyone the day ahead would be just fine for us all.

Its light is so gentle, though bursting filled with life but never insistent to the eyes, so gentle. This we feel in our favorite word and activity every morning – breakfast – which came from the literal “breaking of fast” the night before by the monks in the monasteries. We can feel this gentleness of sunrise in that Christian hymn Morning Has Broken, whether you sing it or listen to Cat Steven’s cover or to its original Gaelic Scottish tune. And along this line, we find sunrise as the sweetest breaking of all in Angela Bofil’s 1981 love song Break It To Me Gently.

*Photo by author, sunrise at Camp John Hay, Baguio City, November 2018.*

Sometimes, sunrise can be a bit wild, bursting with light that can penetrate one’s soul with its light traveling so fast, eager to cover the whole surrounding with the good news of life coming.

Think of the Beatles’ 1969 Here Comes the Sun with its lovely guitar introduction, assuring everyone, especially your beloved “little darling” that “it’s all right” with “smiles returning to the faces.”

*Photo by author, sunrise at Bolinao, Pangasinan, 20 April 2022.*

That is the most beautiful part of catching the sunrise when all is silent with you all alone, listening to Jesus whispering, “Little darling, it’s all right” because whatever had happened yesterday, with all your sins and mistakes, are all forgotten and forgiven. Today is a new beginning, like what he told Peter in last Sunday’s gospel when he asked him thrice, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was distressed that Jesus had said to him a third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep… And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.”John 21:17, 19
John 21:17, 19

It is said that whatever one feels in describing the sunrise is one’s perception of love – warm and refreshing, joyful and so alive, filled with hopes and raring to go.

Sunrise is beautiful because it is when we experience closest with our truest self, with those most faithful and loving to us, and most of all, with God, our very root and being. Every morning is the fulfillment of Zechariah’s prophecy of each of us becoming a John the Baptist whose name means “graciousness of God.” This we pray every morning in the Benedictus (cf. Lk.1:68-79):

In the tender compassion of our God
the dawn from on high shall break upon us, 
to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the
     shadow of death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace.

May you be blessed every morning, every day of the week. Amen.

*Photo by Ms. Jing Rey Henderson, sunrise at Dumaguete City, Negros Oriental, 27 April 2022.*

Images of COVID-19, Images of Hope, Part 3

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 12 April 202

We had a blessed happy Easter last year in 2020 despite the pandemic following the support of our parishioners to our activities since the start of the lockdown like the motorized processions of Palm Sunday and Good Friday as well as the online Masses.

Though we have to start our Easter Vigil while the sun was still up following the protocol rules, it was clearly an image of hope for us all especially when I carried the Paschal Candle into our church for the celebrations: Jesus the Light of world, illuminating us in the darkness of the pandemic.

It was the simplest Easter Vigil in my entire 22 years in the priesthood but most meaningful.

Very early the following Sunday before dawn in lieu of the traditional salubong, we went around our parish with the beautiful image of the Risen Lord generously lent to us since 2011 by Mrs. Baby Halili in hopes that the people would at least feel again the presence of Jesus Christ.

It was still dark but some people were already awake awaiting the passing of our libot before celebrating our Mass.

*The lighted cross atop our parish church at the background during our libot of the Risen Lord at Easter 2020 during lockdown.*

Most of the people, though, missed the libot of the Risen Lord that dawn that we did it again in the afternoon with the usual sights of people waiting on the streets for the blessing.

It was an amusing and unforgettable sight and image of COVID-19 last year, 
an image of hope, and most of all, 
an image of Christ Risen among us in the pandemic, 
answering our prayers, never abandoning us even in the dark.

At the last leg of our libot of the Risen Lord with still an hour before the curfew, a soldier in fatigue uniform at a gas station saw us and left his motorbike, walking towards us with both hands up in the air.

I thought we were being told to stop. And worst, being arrested!

Immediately, I prayed to Jesus to not let it happen, that we were just less than 500 meters from the parish and soon it would be over.

I acted disregarding the soldier as in “dead malice” (patay malisya) by blessing him with Holy Water until we heard him closer, asking for blessings indeed!

It was an amusing and unforgettable sight and image of COVID-19 last year, an image of hope, and most of all, an image of Christ Risen among us in the pandemic, answering our prayers, never abandoning us even in the dark.

More unforgettable images of COVID-19, images of hope and images of Christ during the extensions of the lockdown last year unfolded before us after Easter. That was when I began to feel the emotional drag of the pandemic and lockdown as I lived alone in our parish rectory that was a mere oversized room at the second floor of the church.

It was the second extension of the lockdown when I felt during prayers that Jesus seemed to be getting “tired” with our “libot” of his Blessed Sacrament.

Most of all, I realized that if I felt dried and zapped despite my regimented lifestyle of prayers, studies, exercises and recreation during the pandemic right inside our parish church, how much more were my parishioners?

I just felt they must be worst affected than me!

It was very clear for me that prayers and online Masses cannot suffice for them as their spiritual nourishment.

That was when I decided to go out and bring Holy Communion to my parishioners after our Sunday morning Mass: I would announce in our online Masses the route we shall take so that people would wait for me on the main roads while observing the necessary health protocols.

We called it “walk-in Holy Communion” because after each stop of our tricycle, I would walk giving Communion to everyone waiting to receive finally and not just see, Jesus Christ, Body and Blood!

Eventually, when churches were opened and people were allowed to celebrate public Masses, we continued bringing the Holy Communion to our farthest and depressed areas every Saturday afternoon after our online Masses.

*For a complete story, click https://lordmychef.com/2020/05/03/lamenting-in-time-of-quarantine/*.

On the third Sunday of our “walk-through” Holy Communion, a family on board their van arrived just before we left the parish, asking if they could receive the Holy Communion after attending our online Mass. They wanted to get inside the church for the Communion when suddenly, a spark of inspiration came upon me — I told them to remain in their van as I gave them Communion through the windows!

And thus started our “drive-thru” Holy Communion for families and individuals who attended our online Sunday Mass and then proceeded to our parish where I would wait for them at the gate of our church from 8-830AM to give their Holy Communion.

Rain or shine, I would just put on my hat with my reliable volunteer Kuya Oliver driving his tricycle or assisting in the traffic flow of cars, vans, tricycles and even bicycles, we gave Holy Communion during those difficult months of the first year of pandemic and quarantine.

Sometimes, like the couple above, some people would chase us along the way, asking to receive the Holy Communion as they assured us that they have attended our online Mass earlier.

I was so glad other parishes did the same for our people so hungry and thirsty for Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist.

Did I ever get afraid?

Of course! Even terrified. But it was pure grace from the Lord we were able to do all those things in his glorious name.

Those images of COVID-19 have truly become images of hope and images of Christ that helped me forge on with my life and ministry through these difficult times in our history. They are forever imprinted in my heart and memory along with the people who made me experienced God.

Like the “beloved disciple” John – the patron saint of my former parish where these took place – who was with Peter in the boat gone fishing at Lake Tiberias before the ascension of Jesus, every time I remember those images of last year or see similar ones, I silently exclaim like him “It is the Lord!” (John 22:7).

Come April 13, 2021, I will log my 365-day streak at http://www.lordmychef.com publishing prayers, reflections, homilies, poems, and essays since Easter Monday last year when I thought of helping the spiritual nourishment of people unable to come to celebrate the Mass.

When I was assigned to my new assignment as chaplain of Our Lady of Fatima University and Fatima University Medical Center last February 15, I felt the same thing in my prayers: help in enriching the spiritual lives of the flock Jesus entrusted to me at this time of the pandemic by learning all these new technologies like Zoom and webinars as well as Facebook live and this daily blog. From still pictures as images of hope and of Christ, we now have moving images of hope and of Jesus Christ!

But, with or without modern technology, and even after this pandemic, the challenge of Easter remains that we continue to proclaim the joy and saving presence of the Risen Lord Jesus Christ among peoples, “in season and out of season” like St. Paul (2Timothy 4:2).

That is something we all have to work for even now, being images of hope and of Christ to the world. Amen.