Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 27 August 2024

Today we celebrate the Memorial of St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine. She has always been associated with her son Augustine who is considered as one of the great saints of the Church with so much impact in our theology and almost every Catholic teaching. It was through the prayers and many sacrifices by St. Monica that St. Augustine was converted to Christianity who eventually became a priest then later as Bishop and Doctor of the Church. That is why during the Vatican II reforms of the liturgy, her memorial celebration was moved from May 4 to August 27, a day before St. Augustine’s memorial too.

Next to the Blessed Virgin Mary, St. Monica is perhaps the best example of motherhood beyond compare. Patron saint not only of wives and mothers, St. Monica is also the Patroness of those seeking patience and victims of abuse.

Most probably, stories about her suffering in silence in being married to an abusive and philandering pagan husband named Patricius were “overextended” to the extent we Filipinos got a very wrong impression of a “martyr” as being a wife who willingly bears without complaints the abuses by her husband.

St. Monica was very far from that kind of “martyr” but was in fact a “martyr” to the truest sense of its meaning from the Greek word martyria that means to witness Jesus Christ. Witnessing for Christ by bearing sufferings does not mean allowing one’s self to be abused freely by anyone; witnessing for Christ is primarily living a life centered on Jesus in prayers that flow into good works and holiness. Martyrdom is overcoming evil with goodness that is why many times, it ends with death – but, it is not as a defeat but as a triumph that leads to conversion of sinners and unbelievers, exactly how Christianity spread before and until now wherever Christians are persecuted.

According to St. Augustine’s own account in his book Confessions, although domestic abuse was prevalent during their time, their ill-tempered father never beat their mother. Her daily prayers especially her frequent going to the Mass with so many acts of charities to the poor irritated their father Patricius and yet led him to respect St. Monica. Eventually, her prayer life that found expressions in her almsgiving and kindness to everyone won the heart of Patricius, calmed his violent tendencies until he finally converted to Christianity before his death.

Before calming and converting her husband, St. Monica first won over her equally difficult to deal with mother-in-law! So, for those having problems with in-laws, St. Monica is the go-to saint for you!

But it is not that easy at all. We need to do the efforts, to cultivate a prayer life and allow God to work in us in order to grow in faith, hope, and love as well as the virtues especially patience. All these aspects of her faith flowed in her remaining so sweet and gentle despite her problematic husband and three children (whom Patricius refused to be baptized as Christians) that she was able to exercise a good influence over abused wives and suffering mothers who were so moved by St. Monica’s example.

Now here is the funny thing that most likely mothers and wives today would surely laugh at – St. Monica’s advise: “If you can master your tongue, not only do you run less risk of being beaten, but perhaps you may even, one day, make your husband better.”

Huwag daw po kuda nang kuda, mga Nanay at mga Misis…

Having spent most of my 26 years as a priest ministering to students and young people (exactly 17 years and counting), I used to tell them how often our mothers’ nagging is actually their love language; they may be saying a lot even without thinking at all but that’s because they love us, they care for us. That is why I find it amazing, so prophetic when Filipino mothers speak the same thing when children come home, hurt and beaten after not listening to their words of caution: “Sinasabi ko na nga ba…!”

Many times, mothers are prophetic; listen to whatever they may be saying because so often, they tell the truth. About us or of then people we go out with.

One thing I miss these days after my mom’s death in May are her words of love and wisdom as well as her nagging with accompanying threats (tatamaan ka sa akin or lalayasan ko kayo). Psychologists say that is wrong for parents to threaten their kids. I don’t really know but from my own experience those were perfectly examples of tough love that made us strong.

Now Mommy or Mamu as we called her since becoming a grandma is gone, no one reminds us or nags us anymore. And the worst part of that is, you have no one to make sumbong. We have lost somebody willing listen to all of our kuda.

That I think makes every mother to suffer a lot because they keep so many of her children’s pains and hurts, including anger and complaints in their hearts: many times they explain but we refuse to listen, accusing her of bias and favoritism. There are times she would say “hayaan mo na lang anak”… she would be talking and talking again of many things.

Every Nanay is a Sta. Monica, suffering in silence because she has always been loving us in silence. Truly, when a mother dies, our links are never cut off from her as if the umbilical cord remains intact. And wireless up to heaven. How funny that we complain often our our mother’s nagging and endless talking but when she becomes silent, we miss her. Now because we are sure she loves us so much.

Sharing with you this most beautiful tribute of four brothers to their Nanay I found last night in the internet now with 4M views. Pray for all mothers today, thank God for their great gift of life.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/SJHtTEMdeiPdESJh/?mibextid=KsPBc6