How to fail in marriage

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 01 July 2024

Many people today see marriage in the human level, downplaying or outrightly refusing its supernatural dimension being a gift and a grace from God. What is most funny with them is how they also insist on giving weddings some semblance of “spiritual” meanings with all the crazy symbolisms and dramatics conjured by some wedding planners that have prompted – rightly so – many parishes to impose strict rules and guidelines to stop all these follies that have robbed Matrimony of its holiness and sanctity.

We in the Church have never failed to remind couples getting married that more important than their weddings becoming Instagrammable is their spiritual preparation because marriage is a vocation, a call from God to a life of holiness for husband and wife to become Christ’s saving presence in the world.

Divorce has always been the easiest way out of many failed marriages even among God’s chosen people in the Old Testament, an attempt to free couples of moral responsibility and culpability in their failures they could not humbly admit. Jesus had explained and clarified it 2000 years ago and still, here we are insisting for divorce which is a symptom of pride, the first sin of Adam and Eve when they broke away from God. That is why, divorce is a breaking away from God too.

There are many ways to succeed in marriage but there is only one sure way to fail which is to turn away from God, to disregard God, to stop believing in God. Here now is a homily I shared two years ago at the wedding of a very good friend in my former parish in Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan.

*Photo by author, Don Bosco Chapel on the Hill, Bgy. Cahil, Calaca, Batangas, 03 January 2023.*

My dearest Gracie and Chino:

Congratulations on this most joyous day of your lives. Finally, after much prayers and waiting, following so many detours in your lives, you are now before the altar of the Lord to exchange vows in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

I am sure you must have heard so many things on being successful and fruitful in marriage. In fact while praying over this homily since last year (yes, believe me), a lot of things have also come to my mind that I felt very important so you may grow and mature in your married life. But, as I prayed more, I realized lately that while there are many ways to be successful and fruitful in marriage, there is only one sure way in order to fail as husband and wife.

Disregard God.

Stop believing in God.

Live as if there is no God.

Do not pray. Do not celebrate the Sunday Mass.

Forget God. And you will surely fail in marriage.

Without God, Gracie and Chino, you cannot truly love each other because the only true love we must all imitate despite our weaknesses and imperfections is the love of Jesus Christ poured out on us there on the Cross. He said it so clearly today in our gospel, “This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you. There is no greater love than to offer one’s life for a friend.”

Remember, Gracie and Chino, human love is always imperfect; only God can love us perfectly.

Here lies the great mystery and joy of human love, of marriage: God willed from the very start that man and woman be united in marriage. When His Son Jesus Christ came to the world, He not only reminded us of this wonderful plan of the Father for us but also elevated marriage into a sacrament, a sign of the saving presence of God.

In sharing His life with us, we are able to love like Jesus that is why He tells us too that it was Him who chose and called you, Gracie and Chino, not you who chose Him. God willed that on this day, Gracie and Chino that you get married. It was also part of His plan that you met during the COVID pandemic when we were locked down and when many weddings were either postponed or cancelled.

Very clear, Gracie and Chino, it was God who designed your marriage! Do not disregard Him. Invite Him daily into your lives in the same manner you invited Him on this day of your wedding.

*Photo by author, Don Bosco Chapel On The Hill, Bgy. Cahil, Calaca, Batangas, 08 February 2023.*

Let me warn and remind you, Gracie and Chino, that a wedding nor a sacrament is not everything. Love is difficult because love is not just a feeling but a decision we renew daily. You must have heard how some couples ran out of love that eventually, they split up, separated and failed. When we have that deep faith, fervent hope and unceasing charity and love of God, you will never run out of love, Gracie and Chino, because God is love.

Keep that in mind. If you want to remain in love, love God. That is what marriage is all about: in loving your wife, your husband, you are actually expressing your love to God who is after all our very first love. That’s what Tobias realized when he married Sarah in our first reading. Tobias went to a far away land not only to look for a wife and a cure for his father Tobit’s blindness but also for God! When he found Sarah, he also found God.

Is it not the same thing happened with you, Chino, upon meeting Gracie? It was not love at first sight but more like the experience of Tobias when God revealed by silently speaking into your heart Gracie is the woman whom you shall marry. In a flash, you felt so certain about it, Chino, and despite your distance from each other, you felt this love growing deeper every day.

There is no perfect marriage, Gracie and Chino, but every couple is surely blessed by God. Cooperate with Him, do whatever He tells you as the Blessed Mother told the waiters in the wedding at Cana where Jesus transformed water into wine. Imagine, the first miracle by Jesus Christ was in a wedding just like this!

You know why? Because love is most truest when there is forgiveness and mercy. As I have told you, human love is imperfect, only God can love us perfectly. Without God, it is impossible for us to forgive and move on with life. Without God, it is impossible for us to say sorry and ask forgiveness too. It is God who gives us the grace to be sorry and to be merciful and forgiving like Him.

When couples become hardened in their hearts as they keep tabs of each other’s sins and mistakes and misgivings, they get tired and fed up with each other and then separate.

With God, we are able to clean our slate, delete our memories and restart/refresh our programs like the computer to begin anew each day.

Without God, the festering anger within us gets worst and soon, everything crashes. That is when we fail because we do not have God as our foundation and root.

Try seeing it this way: human relationships are like two hands together.

Without God, they are like interlocking fingers where the partners are both so good, so bilib in themselves, filling each other’s needs that soon, they get filled with themselves. Like interlocking fingers that get painful, they eventually breakaway or separate from each other because love has become a demand than a gift, sex an obligation than an offering, with each one becoming more an object to be possessed than a person to be loved.

With God, human relationships are like two praying hands. Very flexible. You keep your identities and personalities intact, growing together, maturing together in love as you both create an empty space for each one’s shortcomings and most especially for God to have a place in your lives.

Like Tobit and Sarah in our first reading, pray always. Handle your lives with prayer, Gracie and Chino. The more you pray and believe in God, the more you will love Him, and the more you will believe each other too and hence, love more each other too! Keep God in your life as husband and wife. Whatever you do to each other, that you do first to Jesus who is always between you.

You see, Gracie and Chino, there are so many ways to be fruitful in marriage for as long as you are rooted in God. Take away God and you will surely fail as an individual and as a couple.

My prayer for you, Gracie and Chino is that today may be the least joyful day of your lives. Live in God through Jesus Christ with Mary our Mother. Amen.

How to fail in marriage

God our foundation

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Tuesday, Memorial of Sts. Pedro Bautista, Paul Miki & Companion Martyrs, 06 February 2024
1 Kings 8:22-23, 27-30 <*[[[[>< + ><]]]]'> Mark 7:1-13

Dear God our Father,
thank you for being for us,
thank you for being with us, 
thank you for being in us;
you are our foundation,
our root, and our very life.
Everyday in nature you show
us your beauty and majesty,
but most of all, in all history,
you have allowed us to express
your might and power with
our magnificent buildings
of worship everywhere
that like King Solomon,
we pray and wonder:

“Can it indeed be that God dwells on earth? If the heavens and the highest heavens cannot contain you, how much less this temple which I have built! Look kindly on the prayer and petition of your servant, O Lord, my God, and listen to the cry of supplication which I, your servant, utter before you this day.”
1 Kings 8:27-28

Thank you dear God
for the gift of missionaries
who have come to build churches
and schools and hospitals
and towns that until now testify
to your being with us;
many of them have literally
given their lives for the gospel
of Jesus Christ your Son
like San Pedro Bautista
who worked only for nine years
in the Philippines but had transformed
lives from Bulacan to Camarines Sur;
he later joined the first Japanese martyr
and Jesuit priest St. Paul Miki and
other companions in Nagasaki
when rulers there became suspicious
of their missionary works
that have won so many converts.
May we remain faithful to you,
O God, as our sole foundation
in life even in death.

Forgive us, Father,
when many times we confine you
 in our churches,
in our beliefs and traditions
becoming more focused with
material foundations
than your divine foundation
like the Pharisees and scribes
in the gospel today;
let us continue to pursue learning
in the light of Christ's teaching,
sometimes relearning and
unlearning things we have been
used to by always going back to
you O God as our sole foundation
in this life.
Amen.

*Photo by author in Jerusalem’s via Dolorosa, 2017.*

Advent is going back to God, our life

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Wednesday in the First Week of Advent, 06 December 2023
Isaiah 25:6-10 ><))))*> + ><))))*> + ><))))*> Matthew 15:29-37

*Photo by author, St. Scholastica Retreat House, Baguio City, 23 August 2023.*

God our loving Father,
may we go back to you our very life;
forgive us who have easily forgotten
you especially after these difficult years of the pandemic;
now that COVID has waned and life is back to "normal",
we are back to our unholy ways.

May we always search you, Father, 
and dwell in you;
 destroy the “veil that veils all peoples, 
the web that is woven over all nations” (Is.25:7) 
that mislead and imprison us 
with false hopes in superficial relationships 
and materialistic briberies of this world.

Let us go "hungry and thirsty" 
to realize the most essential in life
 are you, dear God and the people who truly 
care for us and love us like our family and friends.

Like the crowd who have followed Jesus 
in the wilderness for three days 
with nothing to eat: 
they experienced advent, 
your coming, O God, 
when Jesus fed them 
after they were finally disposed 
to desire the longings 
of their soul than of their bodies; 
it was only then when Jesus fed them 
through the miraculous multiplication 
of the loaves of bread for the second time.

May the darkness and gloom 
that envelop us this season of Advent 
like the wars in Gaza and Ukraine
and other military show of force
by other nations and groups elsewhere,
the barbaric terror attack last Sunday in Marawi
and the frequent earthquakes we have been experiencing
along with our other personal crises 
dispose us to desiring you alone, 
God our Father, so we may finally enter 
your heavenly banquet in the Holy Eucharist
with “rich food and choice wines” (Is.25:6). Amen.

Waiting for God who is waiting for us

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Monday, Memorial of St. Ignatius of Loyola, Priest, 31 July 2023
Exodus 32:15-24, 30-34 <*((((>< + ><))))*> Matthew 13:31-35

*Photo by author Camp John Hay, Baguio City, 12 July 2023.*

Glory and praise to you,
God our loving Father,
our Lord and Master,
our Origin and Home;
thank you for the gift
of St. Ignatius of Loyola
who taught us through his
"Spiritual Exercises" 
to truly pray by seeking
you and only you alone.

Teach me, O Lord, 
to be patient
and persevering
in my prayer life,
to never be contented
with mere feelings and
self-absorption that are 
manipulative like what your people
felt at the foot of Mount Sinai
while awaiting Moses; 
let me be at home
with desolation and dryness,
being still when nothing seems to happen,
 finding you when you seem nowhere,
desiring you most while amid
all of these like in awaiting the
sprouting of a mustard seed
or the leavening of bread
in Christ's parable.

Many times we feel
we are awaiting you, God 
when actually it is you who
awaits us always to experience
you and your presence,
your love and mercy
if we could just be still and 
silent.  Amen.

St. Ignatius of Loyola,
Pray for us.

Wrestling with God

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Tuesday, Memorial of St. Benedict, Abbot, 11 July 2023
Genesis 32:23-33   <*((((>< + ><))))*>   Matthew 9:32-38

*Photo by author, Bolinao, Pangasinan, 19 April 2022.*

Your words today, O God,
evoke of deep strength within us,
so powerful it can only come from
you to effect changes so radical,
shaking our very roots.

Jacob was left alone there. Then some man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that the hip socket was wrenched as they wrestled. The man then said, “Let me go for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” The man asked, “What is your name?” He answered, “Jacob.” Then the man said you shall no longer be spoken of as Jacob, but as Israel because you have contented with divine and human beings and have prevailed.”
Genesis 32:25-29

What a beautiful image of Jacob
wrestling with you, O Lord,
and prevailing over you not because
he was stronger nor you were weaker;
Jacob had always been so determined in life
and with your grace, unknown to him, 
had always prevailed.
Very often, you do the same with us;
you invite us to wrestle with you
as our trainer to make us
stronger and more determined
and matured in prayers,
in openness,
in oneness and unity in you.

In the gospel, O God,
you have shown us in Jesus Christ
the same inner strength
when his heart was moved with pity
upon seeing the crowds who were
abandoned and troubled 
like sheep without a shepherd (Mt.9:36);
it was more than a feeling,
a determination within Jesus
who had come to save us from sins
and bring us to fulfillment in him;
grant us the same grace,
to be moved with pity,
or literally, to stir our hearts
into concrete actions for 
those lost and troubled.

Like St. Benedict whose feast
we celebrate today,
grant us the patience and perseverance
to draw that inner strength from you,
to wrestle with you in prayers,
to wrestle with the Sacred Scriptures
to hear you speak to us,
to wrestle with one's self to be still
and silent amid the world so wild
and noisy;
Jacob, Jesus, and Benedict
all were stirred deep within,
shaken to their very roots,
have all prevailed
in making this a better world
through ora et labora.
Amen.

Giving up the best and most precious

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Thursday in the Thirteenth Week in OrdinaryTime, 06 July 2023
Genesis 22:1-19 ><]]]]'> + ><]]]]'> + ><]]]]'> Matthew 9:1-8

*Photo by author, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City, 20 March 2023.*

God our loving Father,
teach me to offer to you,
to give up like Abraham
the most precious
and the best I have in life;
give me that same kind of
faith and trust in you, O God,
that in life, you are the only
most precious and best 
I have in life.

So many times in life,
dear Father, I always question
your will,
your plans,
your instructions
to me;
worst, many times,
I even question and doubt
your goodness to me
and to others like those scribes
who questioned Jesus Christ's
authority to forgive sins.

We have strayed so far from you,
O God; we have believed 
so much in ourselves, 
in our beliefs,
 in our technologies,
 in our strengths
and achievements
as if we are gods like you!

Forgive us, merciful Father;
help us find our way back to you
in your Son Jesus Christ.
Amen.

In the eye of the storm

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Tuesday in the Thirteenth Week in Ordinary Time, Year I, 04 July 2023
Genesis 19:15-29 <*(((>< <*(((>< + ><)))*> ><)))*> Matthew 8:23-27

Your words today, O God
our Father, are all about
chaos and destruction,
storms and calamities
in the sea and the land;
just like so many of us these days
who are in the "eye of the storm",
in the midst of great trials
and sufferings in life
due to their own making
or somebody else's sins and
wrongdoing, or simply
being in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

The whole world is yours,
O Lord; you have the whole world
in your hands and you know
everything that is happening.

Grant us the trust and confidence
in you of Jesus your Son 
and the deep faith of Abraham
as you kept your promise to save
his nephew Lot and family
from the catastrophe that fell on
Sodom and Gomorrah.

As Jesus got into a boat, is disciples followed him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves but he was asleep.
Matthew 8:23-24

When he (Lot) hesitated, the men, by the Lord’s mercy, seized his hand and the hands of his wife and his two daughter and led them to safety outside the city.
Genesis 19:16

Keep us strong, O God,
in the face of trials and tribulations of life;
calamities inevitably happen,
it is how we face and deal with these
that truly matter;
cleanse us of our impurities,
of our stubbornness,
of our sins,
never to needlessly look back 
like Lot's wife but instead move
forward in life learning your important
lessons of being morally upright and holy.
Amen.

*Photo by author, Katmon Nature Sanctuary & Beach Resort, Infanta, Quezon, 04 March 2023.*

God above all

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Friday in the Ninth Week of Ordinary Time, 09 June 2023
Tobit 11:5-17   ><]]]]'> + <'[[[[><   Mark 12:35-37

Thank you dearest Lord
our God and loving Father
for the week past, for the
achievements and failures too,
for joys and hurts, for everything.
You are above all, God our Father;
all good things come from you
and if ever bad things happen to us
as a result of our sins and wrong
decisions or due to evil in the world,
you are very much aware of its
happening to us,
always ensuring that despite its
negative impact on us,
it would still lead to something
good and beautiful for us.
Like in the blindness of Tobit.
Give us the grace of patience
and perseverance, and much faith
and trust in you to await your day
of redemption,
your day of salvation,
your day of healing
and coming.

Then Tobit went back in, rejoicing and praising God with full voice. Tobiah told his father that the Lord God had granted him a successful journey; that he had brought back the money; and that he had married Raguel’s daughter Sarah, who would arrive shortly, for she was approaching the gate of Nineveh.
Tobit 11:15

Vanish all our doubts on you,
Lord Jesus Christ;
let us realize how the very
scriptures identify you
as our Messiah and Lord of all,
the fulfillment of God's promise
of Old; most of all, let us submit
to your power and authority
for you are our Lord and God alone.
Amen.

Lent is trusting God

40 Shades of Lent by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Friday in the Fifth Week of Lent, 31 March 2023
Jeremiah 20:10-13   >>> +++ <<<   John 10:31-42

*Photo by author, 20 March 2023, Sacred heart Novitiate, Novaliches, Quezon City.*

God our loving Father,
I am a sinner;
forgive me for always turning 
my back from You,
for refusing to love
like Jesus Your Son;
but, despite my being a sinner,
You know very well how I love you,
You know everything about me,
how I strive repeatedly
because I trust in You.
I believe in You!
Like the psalmist,
I sing this day,
"I love you, O Lord,
my strength...
In my distress I called
upon the Lord
and cried out to my God;
from his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him
reached his ears"
(Psalm 18:2, 7).

Like Your prophet Jeremiah,
I could hear people, 
even those closest to me, 
denouncing my efforts to be
just and loving,
living Your precepts;
I could hear their whispering,
"on watch for any misstep of mine"
(Jeremiah 20:10).

Worst, 
like Jesus Christ,
some have tried harming me
with their words and deeds!
Sometimes, I feel so low,
so sad how good would be
rewarded with evil by some.
But I trust in You, 
dearest Father;
let me witness
Your love and mercy,
justice and kindness
despite my sinfulness
and weaknesses.
Be my strength and
my surety.
Amen.

Praying for enlightenment

The Lord Is My Chef Daily Recipe for the Soul by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Friday in the Eleventh Week in Ordinary Time, 17 June 2022
2 Kings 11:1-4, 9-18, 20 ><)))*> + ><)))*> + ><)))*> Matthew 6:19-23

*Photo by Fr. Pop dela Cruz in San Miguel, Bulacan, 15 June 2022.*

God our loving Father,
today I pray for the grace of
enlightenment of my mind
and of my heart to fill my life
with the light of your Son 
Jesus Christ.

Jesus said to his disciples: “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.”
Matthew 6:22-23

So true are your words, 
Lord Jesus:  when we live in
darkness, then we value the
wrong things that have no value 
at all; and worst, the basis of our
security becomes so precarious,
so uncertain.

Enlighten us with your Holy Spirit,
Lord, that our security is based solely
in God alone who is everlasting love;
many times, we think and feel our basis
of security are our money and property,
success and popularity, as well as loved
ones and friends; but, slowly when we
lose these and them one by one, 
we feel so anxious, we lose our peace, 
we lose even our very selves because we 
find our security are not secured at all.
Likewise, sooner or later, we find what we 
treasure are not treasures at all but simply 
passing.

Teach us, Jesus, to store up treasures 
in heaven like good deeds, fidelity, kindness,
charity and mercy for others.

Teach us, Jesus, to learn contentment,
to know our places in life and not to desire
anything not meant for us by God.

Teach us, Jesus, to be detached from all other
people and created things, though important,
so that we may only value God above all always
and find true peace and 
security only in him alone.  
Amen.