Marriage is completing each other

The Lord Is My Chef Wedding Recipe by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Homily, Wedding of Dra. Arianna Julia Enriquez & Dr. Dexter Falcon
Santuario de San Jose Parish, Greenhills, Mandaluyong
28 February 2025

Congratulations, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter in choosing to get married in the Church. Many people these days disregard the Sacrament of Marriage, sadly seeing it more in human terms and most sad of all, many would rather follow superstitions than faith in getting married.

When I was still in a parish in Bulacan, a couple met with me due to a problem with the date they wanted to get married that fell on a Saturday. I offered to them a Friday but the mother of the bride said “araw po ng mga mangkukulam ang Biyernes!” Whoa! Did you know that?

Trying to hide my laughter, I told the couple how about on a Thursday which is my day off and would just cancel it to officiate their wedding. The mother again interjected, “nakupo Father… lalo na po ang Huwebes! Araw ng kasal ng mga tikbalang!” I could not contain myself anymore and I told the mother, “Katoliko pala mga tikbalang dito sa inyo!”

I mentioned this experience because in the provinces, very few couples get married in the month of February like you. Your Tita, Dra Mylene knows this very well… happy birthday po! When people find out you were born in February, they say “kaya ka pala ganyan, kulang-kulang.” And that’s how most people see February – kulang or incomplete – that is why even couples avoid it as a date for their wedding.

Of course that is not true. Every day is a perfect day for wedding for each day is blessed by God – most especially the days of February, the most perfect month in number of days. February was added to our calendar to complete the 365 days of revolution of Earth around the Sun to make it a year. It is February that completes the year as it fills the missing days following the miscalculations by the early Romans.

And that’s marriage. A man and a woman get married to complete each other.

Remember God’s declaration in the first reading, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

See how in creating the woman, God cast a deep sleep on man and took his rib to form it into a woman. The man was totally unaware of what was going on when God created and gave him the woman as his “suitable partner.”

This is most true with you, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter: you were both totally unaware in the beginning of how God worked silently in the background that you would eventually complete each other as friends, as lovers and now as husband and wife.

You have realized after your long relationship from pre-med to med proper and now as full-pledged doctors that you both cannot be complete without each other that even if you were separated by time and distance, you still made efforts to be together because that is love. You have realized that you can only be complete and whole with each other. Ikaw lang, sapat na!

Nothing is so toxic and difficult, nothing is most joyous when you think of each other, when you love each other. And so, simply love, love, and love! Huwag kayong magbibilangan! No need to have the numbers “224” tattooed on your arms like Philmar and Andi Eigenman.

When you have an LQ, who must make the first move to reach out and make peace?

Some couples say the man should make the first move but what happened to the rule “ladies first”? Others say the first to reconcile and say sorry is the one who started the lover’s quarrel but, would anyone really admit that?

The answer is this: when couples have an LQ, the one who has the most love to give must be the first to make the move for peace and reconciliation. Yung higit na nagmamahal ang unang kikibo.

Love is not a competition and love cannot be really measured. The true measure of love is when you love without measure. Nobody is perfect; hence, human love is also imperfect. Only God can love us perfectly. That is why, just keep on loving each other, letting your love flow to each other by taking care of each other.

That is the beautiful imagery of the ribs – inside the rib cage, the most vital organs of the body are protected and kept safe like the heart, the lungs, the liver. Lalo na ikaw, Doc Dexter: you are lacking in one rib and that is Dra. Arianna. Alagaan mo siyang mabuti. Boss namin siya…

God willed in all eternity that the two of you get married today not tomorrow nor next year nor last year. It was God who set February 28 as your wedding date because on this day God completes you.

However, though the husband and the wife complete each other, it is Jesus Christ who cements their union in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Jesus is the “gold paint” in the Japanese kintsugi art of repairing broken pottery.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of joining together the broken pieces of a jar or a vase with a glue and then pain with gold its cracks to make the broken piece more beautiful. Along this line of thought is St. Paul the Apostle who described us as “earthen vessels” – palayok in Tagalog: so delicate and easily broken yet God still fills us with Himself and His grace because He loves us so much.

And that is my second final reflection for you dear Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter: love is not natural but supernatural – it is divine because it is rooted in God! Love is more than a feeling which is natural. Love is a decision, requiring your cooperation with God who pours out His blessings to you since you met despite your imperfections and flaws. That is the meaning of Marriage as a Sacrament – it is more than a human and natural bond but a supernatural, divine union of man and woman who become the signs of Christ’s saving presence in the world.

Heed the call of Jesus in our gospel today, “remain in me and make my joy complete.”

How lovely is your love story! Clearly of divine origin that you met in a theology class during your senior year in college. You did not meet in a party nor in any of those rows of restaurants across Ateneo or at the parking lot. You met in a theology class where you learned about God.

And the more you discovered God, the more you discovered each other, realizing in the process that the more you need God to make you both complete which is the principle and foundation of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises.

We are able to love because God loved us first as the beloved disciple wrote in his first letter. That is the mystery of love, of married love specifically that Ben & Ben said so well in their song, “Mahiwaga… Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw… Mahiwaga… and nadarama sa iyo ay malinaw.”

When I think of this mystery of divine love in married couples, the image that comes to my mind are the “praying hands”. Each hand represents the husband and the wife. They retain their individuality as they freely pursue growth and maturity and fulfillment in life and career. Both hands are flexible and can move freely.

But, look at these two praying hands: as you get closer with each other, you also create a sacred space between you for Jesus Christ. Like that glue painted gold in the Japanese art of kintsugi, it is Jesus who makes you one and complete, it is Jesus who joins you together in his love.

Hence, whatever you do to each other, you do it first to Jesus. When you are faithful and true to Dra . Arianna, you are first faithful and true Doc Dexter to Jesus. The same with you Dra. Arianna: when you bake pastries and cakes for Doc Dexter, it is Jesus whom you first make happy and delighted.

But the moment you Doc Dexter cheat and lie to Dra. Arianna, you first fool Jesus. When you make taray to Doc Dexter, you first make taray to Jesus, Dra. Arianna.

Handle your life always with prayer. Every day, invite Jesus into your married life, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter in the same manner you have both invited Him today on your wedding day. God bless you always, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter! May today be your least happiest day in your life as couple! Amen.

Ang demonyong cellphone, nasa loob ng simbahan!

Lawiswis Ng Salita ni P. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Ika-22 ng Pebrero 2024

Larawan kuha ni Stefano Rellandini ng Reuters sa Manila Cathedral, Enero 15, 2015. Binatikos at binash (dapat lang) ng mga netizens mga pari noong Misa ni Papa Francisco sa Manila Cathedral nang mapansing walang tigil nilang pagkuha ng mga video at larawan, di alintana kasagraduhan ng Banal na Misa.

Ang demonyong cellphone
palaging nasa loob ng simbahan
hindi upang magsimba o manalangin
kungdi upang tayo ay linlangin
mawala tuon at pansin
sa Diyos na lingid sa atin,
unti-unti na nating ipinagpapalit
sa demonyong cellphone na halos
sambahin natin!

At iyan ang pinakamalupit 
na panunukso sa atin ngayon
ng demonyong cellphone 
na ating pahalagahan mismo sa
loob ng simbahan 
habang nagdiriwang 
ng Banal na Misa at iba pang mga 
Sakramento gaya ng pag-iisang dibdib
ng mga magsing-ibig!

Isang kalapastanganan
hindi namamalayan
ng karamihan sa kanya-kanyang
katuwiran gaya ng emergency,
importanteng text o tawag
na inaabangan, higit sa lahat,
remembrance ng pagdiriwang:
nakalimutan dahilan ng paqsisimba
pagpapahayag ng pananampalataya
 sa Diyos na hindi tayo pababayaan
 kailanman; kung gayon,
bakit hindi maiwanan sa tahanan
o patayin man lamang
 o i-silent sa bag at bulsa
ang demonyong cellphone?

Hindi man natin aminin
ang demonyong cellphone ang
pinapanginoon, 
pinagkakatiwalaan
ng karamihan kaysa Diyos 
at kapwa-tao natin  
kaya pilit pa ring dadalhin,
gagamitin sa pagsisimba 
at pananalangin!

Kung tunay ngang 
Diyos ang pinanaligan
habang ating pamilya 
at mga kaibigan 
ang pinahahalagahan,
bakit hinahayaang 
mahalinhan ating buong pansin
ng pag-atupag sa demonyong
cellphone tangan natin?

Pagmasdan sa mga kasalan
sa halip ating maranasan
kahulugan ng pagdiriwang,
kagandahan at busilak ng lahat,
asahan aagaw ng eksena
demonyong cellphone kahit
mayroong mga retratista
naatasang kunan at ingatan
 makasaysayang pagtataling-puso
kung saan tayo inanyayahan
upang ipanalangin na pagtibayin
pagmamahalan haggang kamatayan
na ating tuluyang nakalimutan
matapos tayo ay nalibang at nalinlang
ng demonyong cellphone.

Sa bingit ng kamatayan
naroon ating "last temptation"
ng demonyo sa anyo pa rin ay cellphone
upang sa halip na ipanalangin
naghihingalong mahal natin,
demonyong cellphone pa rin 
sa kahuli-hulihan ang hawak habang
kinukunan huling sandali ng pagpanaw
Diyos na ating kaligtasan, tinalikuran!

*Larawan mula sa rappler.com, Ash Wednesday 2023.*

Five reminders from high school for married life

The Lord Is My Chef Wedding Homily for Micah and Lery Magsaysay

20 February 2020, Parish of Hearts of Jesus and Mary, Malolos City

***Book of Tobit 8:4-9* ><)))> ><)))> ><)))> John 15:12-17***

Thank you very much Micah for inviting me to officiate your wedding today with Lery. I love doing this especially with you my former students at the Immaculate Conception School for Boys (ICSB).

I have realized while praying over this wedding homily that those five things I used to tell you every true gentleman should have in his pocket are also applicable to married life.

And so, let us review and reflect on these five things you should have not only in your pocket but in your lives as husband and wife, Micah and Lery.

Handkerchief

Now more than ever, in this time of corona virus, you see what we have discussed 20 years ago is very much valid today: always have a clean handkerchief for hygiene. Have two handkerchieves – one for sneezing and coughing, the other for wiping perspirations and dirt from your face.

Preferably, have a white handkerchief to remind you of Jesus Christ who is so pure and clean, sinless and spotless who came to save us by wiping away, taking all the dirt of sins in us.

Every husband and wife is like a handkerchief to each other – cleansing you of dirt and smudges, wiping dry your tears whether caused by pains and hurts or joys and laughters.

A handkerchief reminds us to be kind and merciful with others like Jesus Christ who declared in our gospel this afternoon that it was him who chose you and not you who chose him to be his signs of his presence as husband and wife.

Lery, thank you for making Micah so clean today. You know when they were in high school, he has always been good looking like his buddies – guwaping lang sila talaga, okey na pumapasa – because deep in their eyes I could see they were not ready for the class, all tired and sleepy after playing computers, waiting for their next gimmick.

But today before the Mass started, I went to see Micah and was surprised, not only is he more handsome but this time, serious and really prepared! How you have changed him, Lery, I am amazed. Have more handkerchieves, though, beginning today so you continue to make him clean.

Micah, always have that handkerchief full of pure love like Jesus, ready to die for Lery. Should you make her cry, be man enough to wipe her tears dry. And clean whatever mess you have.

Money

Money is important, Micah and Lery but it is not the most important thing in life, especially for married couples. Do not be enslaved by money. Instead, be generous with others.

Remember the story of Tobiah, the son of Tobit who went to search for a wife in Media where he is also tasked to recover the money his father had deposited in that city. On his way there, he met the Archangel Raphael disguised as a man to work for him as his guide in the journey.

Tobiah was generous to St. Raphael, paying his wage justly. St. Raphael soon found a wife for Tobiah in Sarah. Not only that: St. Raphael taught Tobiah how to drive away the devil Asmodeus who had disrupted Sarah’s earlier seven honeymoons when he would kill her husband just before they would sleep together.

With Asmodeus gone through St. Raphael’s intercession, Tobiah and Sarah prayed and went home to Tobit whose blindness was also cured by the Archangel of healing.

Be like Tobiah and Tobit. Never quarrel about money matters. When you are generous with money in helping those in need, that means you are not yet enslaved by wealth and material things.

Later, Micah you shall hand over to Lery the arrhae or arras that symbolize your money and material wealth. Be true to your pledges to be wise in handling your finances. Heed Mr. Wickfield’s admonition to Aunt Betsey’s nephew David Copperfield to never spend more than what you earn.

Pen

Photo by Plush Design Studio on Pexels.com

Micah and Lery, you are both professionals, working in the office. You are both used to seeing and using all kinds of pen to write and jot things down very important to remember.

Be like the pen, Micah and Lery. In your lives together, always leave a mark of love, a mark of kindness, a mark of understanding.

Most of all, as husband and wife, leave the marks of Jesus Christ. That is the meaning of getting married in the Church, of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony: you are now the signs of the saving presence of Jesus Christ.

When people see you and feel your deep love for each other, Micah and Lery, they will thank and praise God because they experience Christ’s coming in you.

Comb

I used to tell you in high school that a real man always has a comb, ang sandata ng tunay na lalaki!

Always look good, Micah and Lery! Do not forget your self. Keep in mind that when your kids come and your careers flourish, you were first called by Jesus Christ for each other. Take care of your self, and take extra care of each other!

Continue to go out and date, keep the fire of love burning inside.

After 21 years as a priest, I have less hair now but I still have a comb in my pocket. Just in case the wind blows my hair.

How I wish I have the same long, thick hair of Remo.

The comb does not merely set your hair; it also massages the scalp, soothing you when things are getting so tough and rough.

Take care of yourself, Micah and Lery… never let a “bad hair day” get you down and ruin your love for each other. When you have so much love and care for each other, even if you get old, “kahit maputi na ang buhok ninyo, Micah and Lery”, comb each other’s hair with affections.

Rosary

Last but not least, I used to tell you in high school to always have a rosary in your pocket. A real man is a man of prayer.

Micah and Lery, handle your life with prayer always. Inasmuch as you have invited Jesus today to your wedding day, every day, every Sunday, invite and welcome Jesus into your lives.

May the rosary remind you always of the need to grow deeper in the love of Christ Jesus who chose and called you before this altar today.

Today, you are in Glorious Mysteries where everything is so beautiful and wonderful. But not all days are bright and sunny, Micah and Lery. The Joyful Mysteries are always followed by the Sorrowful Mysteries.

Remember the word PUSH – Pray Until Something Happens.

When you are going through a lot of darkness, the more you should pray and ask for the Luminous Mysteries, the Light of Jesus Christ to guide you and lead you into better days.

Remember those five things we have learned while in high school, Micah. They are still good and applicable in your married life. Teach them to Lery and your future children too.

Handkerchief. Money. Pen. Comb. And Rosary.

May today be the least happiest day of your lives, Micah and Lery. Amen.

Of funerals and weddings and Alzheimer’s in between

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nick F. Lalog II, 13 January 2020

Photo by my high school seminary friend, Mr. Chester Ocampo, taken at the UST Senior High where he teaches art (2019).

Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone..
John Mellencamp, “Jack & Diane” (1982)

Maybe this is part of getting old, of maturing. Of learning to grapple with life’s mortal realities and still be excited with living. It is a grace that is both fulfilling but also deeply moving and often, chilling.

An uncle and a friend have commented to me in our recent chats how 2020 had come in hard and difficult with so many sickness and deaths in the family.

Some relatives have to fly to Singapore on New Year’s Day to support a cousin whose husband had an office accident that left him in comatose for five days following a brain surgery. He eventually died and had to be cremated a few days later.

December 11 I had to drive to Manila to visit and anoint the father of my best friend from high school seminary who arrived December 2 from the States, fell ill December 4, and had to spen Christmas and New year in the hospital.

Less than 24 hours after being discharged January 3, he died the following morning after talking with my friend based in Chicago, three days short before eldest daughter arrived to accompany him and wife back to New Jersey this week.

Meanwhile last January 2, I had to rush again this time to Quezon City for the wake of our high school seminary classmate Rommel who had died of multiple complications morning of December 31.

He is the third to “rest in peace” in our batch of 18 men who graduated the minor seminary in 1982. We last saw him in our reunion, September 9, 1990 (9-9-90).

Suddenly, I felt myself in some kind of a time warp when everything seemed to be not too long ago, as if we have just graduated recently, or that my dad and their dads have just passed away one after the other these past months.

Death can sometimes be magical when life is lived in love

I realized that when we have so much love for everyone like relatives and friends, including parishioners in the last eight years, time stands still after their deaths. You do not count the days and weeks and months and years you were together and when they have all gone.

They all seem to be still present because you are focused on how those departed have enriched your very life, your very person no matter how fleeting or long ago you were together.

Death can sometimes be magical, most of all grace-filled, when our lives are lived in love.

Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone…
John Mellencamp, “Jack & Diane” (1982)

Memories and knowledge fade, but love remains

Finally I had the chance to visit my mom – for Christmas! – evening of January 6. It was so good that just before leaving, a cousin arrived with his family to visit also my mother who is the younger sister of his mother, my Tita Celia.

It was only at that evening we have finally confirmed that Tita Celia has Alzheimer’s, the reason why her ways and attitudes have been noticeably erratic in 2019 as she was slowly losing grip of her senses.

And now, it is almost all gone according to my cousin whose sadness I strongly felt as he narrated to me the deterioration of his mother, of forgetting and losing so many things, of not recognizing familiar people like relatives and friends.

That same night, we also learned from him how our moms’ younger brother seem to be having signs of the onset of Alzheimer’s disease that are very similar with Tita Celia.

Again, I found myself in a “time warp” while they were happily conversing I was silently trying to recall the last time I have seen my mother’s siblings now afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease, wondering if they will still recognize me if I visit them later.

Moreover, I also realized how afraid I am with the prospects of getting sick in old age than of dying, sooner or later!

In fact, I was so scared that I had a nightmare that same night: in my dream I found myself lost, apparently with Alzheimer’s as I was searching for my parish rectory, looking for my bedroom, asking people about my parish staff, crying like a child.

What a relief when I woke up Tuesday morning that it was just a dream, that I was in fact in my bed, inside my room, in my parish rectory, so alive and still whole!

It seems it is easier to think and accept of one’s death than of getting sick and incapacitated later in old age. It is something we have to slowly come to terms with while still younger and stronger, and perhaps wiser.

How?

As I recalled our conversations with my cousin Louie that Monday night at home, I was amazed at his great love for his mother, Tita Celia. I remembered how he would always have pasalubong for his mother even upon coming home from school!

Maybe that is why even she had forgotten most of us her relatives, she always remembers Louie her son because he is the one who has truly loved her next to the late Tito Memo, her husband. The same is true with others taking care of their old parents afflicted with Alzheimer’s: they are recognized and remembered because they love.

Our memories and knowledge may be erased but the love we have in our hearts, the love we have experienced always remain even if everything has failed in life. That is why St. Paul declared that “love is the greatest of all gifts of God”.

Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone…
John Mellencamp, “Jack & Diane” (1982)

With my former students at the Cubao Cathedral after the wedding of their classmate. I felt so proud, and old, that afternoon seeing them all with their career and family, of how they have maintained their friendships all these years like brothers, of they love one another. Photo by Peter dela Cruz, one in blue.

To live is to love

December 2019 and January 2020 are perhaps my most “marrying months” in my 21 years of priesthood.

Aside from the weddings of friends and students I have officiated these past two months, three more are coming next month of February.

Again, as I saw friends and especially former students getting married, I could not believe at how fast time had passed.

Should I really be surprised when I find out my former students already in their early 30’s, some with families of their own and children whom they instruct to kiss my hand, calling me Lolo Fr. Nick?

It was a very “existential” experience that they are already old, and most of all, I am really that old after all!

Maybe that is what my married friends are telling me of the joy of fatherhood, of having your kids getting married, of having grandchildren, of the inner satisfaction that you have brought life to fruition.

That you have truly loved and now being loved.

It is perhaps the joy of getting old, of maturing, of dying or even forgetting everything when afflicted later with Alzheimer’s that you start to fade from the scene and hand over the stage to the next generation, thinking that life will still go on after us because you have loved much.

What really matters in the end is how we have lived and loved the people around us, of how we have enriched each other’s lives so that as the young ones discover life’s meaning in love, we who are older find life’s fulfillment still in the love from the relationships we keep.

Here’s a hill-billy rock music about love to drive your Monday’s blues away.