Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 27 August 2026
Next to the Blessed Virgin Mary, St. Monica is perhaps the best example of motherhood beyond compare. She is the patron saint not only of wives and mothers, but also of those seeking patience and victims of abuse.
Stories of her suffering in silence with an abusive, philandering, pagan husband named Patricius seem to have given us Filipinos with the wrong impression of a “martyr” as being a wife who willingly bears without complaints the abuses by her husband.
St. Monica was very far from that kind of a “martyr”; she was in fact a “martyr” in the truest sense of its meaning from the Greek word martyria that means to witness Jesus Christ.
Witnessing Christ by bearing sufferings does not mean allowing one’s self to be abused freely by anyone; witnessing Christ is living a life centered on Jesus in prayers that flow into good works and holiness. Martyrdom is overcoming evil with goodness that ends in death, either literally or figuratively speaking. However, it is not a death that is a defeat but a triumph that leads to conversion of sinners and unbelievers, exactly how Christianity spread before and until now.
According to St. Augustine’s own account in his book Confessions, although domestic abuse was prevalent during their time, their ill-tempered father never beat their mother. Her daily prayers especially her frequent going to the Mass with so many acts of charities to the poor irritated their father Patricius and yet led him to respect St. Monica. Eventually, her prayer life that found expressions in her almsgiving and kindness to everyone won the heart of Patricius, calmed his violent tendencies until he finally converted to Christianity before his death.
Before calming and converting her husband, St. Monica first won over her equally difficult to deal with mother-in-law! So, for those having problems with in-laws, St. Monica is the saint to go to!
But it was not that easy at all.
St. Monica must have cried an ocean of tears in her sufferings sustained by her cultivation of a deep prayer life in God whom she had allowed to work in her that she grew deep in faith, hope and love as well as the other virtues especially patience. All these aspects of her faith flowed in her remaining so sweet and gentle despite her problematic husband and three children (whom Patricius refused to be baptized as Christians) that she exercised great influence over abused wives and suffering mothers who were so moved by her examples.
Now here is the funny thing that most likely mothers and wives today would surely laugh at – St. Monica’s advise to them: “If you can master your tongue, not only do you run less risk of being beaten, but perhaps you may even, one day, make your husband better.”
Huwag daw po kuda nang kuda, mga Nanay at mga Misis…
I always tell young people that our mothers’ nagging is actually their “love language”: they may be saying a lot even without thinking at all but that’s because they love us, they care for us. That is why see also how Filipino mothers are very prophetic too: listen to whatever they are saying even if painful to the ears because so often, they tell the truth. They rarely go wrong in their suspicions so that when problems arise, they say the same thing,“sinasabi ko na nga ba…!”
One thing I miss these days after my mom’s death two years ago are her words of love and wisdom, especially whenever she would hold my hand and arm after I had kissed her every time I came home.
There is that certain sense of gravity, of weight in a mother’s words, even if repetitive and uncontrolled in pitch. So reassuring of her love for us.
Now my mom is gone, no one reminds and “nags” me anymore in the good sense. And the worst part of that is, you have no one to make sumbong anymore, somebody willing listen to all of our own kuda. This is one reason mothers suffer a lot in silence: they keep so many of their children’s pains and hurts, including anger and complaints in their hearts. Many times mothers explain but we refuse to listen, accusing her of bias and favoritism. There are times she would say “hayaan mo na lang anak”… she would be talking and talking again of many things.
Every Nanay is a Sta. Monica, suffering in silence because she has always been loving us in silence too. Truly, when a mother dies, our links are never cut off from her as if the umbilical cord remains intact, like a satellite link up to heaven.
How funny that we when they were alive, we complain of our our mother’s nagging and endless talking but when she dies and there is that deafening silence at home, we miss her because we miss most her love and concern that cannot be expressed by a sister or a brother. Or anybody else for that matter.
One of the things I used to insist in my students since becoming a priest until now is for them to never, ever forget to write their mother’s middle initial. I tell them “how dare you to forget” your mom’s first letter of her maiden’s name after she had carried you in her womb for nine months and then took care of you all these years…
On this Memorial of St. Monica, hug and kiss your mom while still beside you. Thank God for all mothers for their great gift of life. Amen.
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