Valentine’s Is Love and Death Together

DSCF1341 — *Lover’s Bridge in Tamsui Fisherman’s Wharf, New Taipei City, Taiwan opened on Feb. 14, 2003. Photo by author, 29 January 2019.*

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 15 February 2019

I thought last year’s Valentine’s Day was the most interesting in recent years because February 14 fell on an Ash Wednesday, a beautiful juxtaposition of the secular and the sacred that both remind us of love and death. It happened again to me yesterday very early morning when I drove with my brother down south to visit a beloved aunt who is our late father’s favorite sister sick with Parkinson’s for the last seven years. It was the closest experience I ever had with the realities of love and death intimately related.

Unlike my previous visits to her in the last two years, the latest last January 03, Tita Neneng has always looked so sad and depressed with her situation, choosing to be left alone than be seen in her plight. She used to be bursting with life, so busy with her career and family that upon retirement, she spent it going almost everywhere especially to visit her children in the US. Yesterday, Tita Neneng was so different, almost like back to her old self as she smiled and talked a lot. Her face was radiant, exuding with her beauty that had captivated so many men until her 50’s! She was bubbling with joy as we reminisced the good old days when my father was still alive along with her older siblings, our many family reunions, and of course, our Lola Queta. After anointing her with Holy Oil for the Sick and giving her the Viaticum, she told me something that made me cry so hard after: “Father, I am ready.”

Of course, I knew what she meant but I had to lean close to her to ask her again what she just said. “Father, handa na ako mamatay,” she told me with a smile on her lips while her eyes lovingly looked at me. I asked her if she had told it to her husband, Tito Terry and she replied, “hindi pa.” I told her she must tell it to Tito Terry so he would also be ready. She then looked down, then faced me again and told me, “yung mga anak ko umaasa pa sa milagro. Ayaw pa nila ako payagan.” I looked at her and asked permission to inform her children in the States of her feeling ready.

She just smiled. And I cried. Very hard.

I had to excuse myself to run for some tissue in her bathroom as I could not contain myself crying and sobbing beside her. Once in a while, a lesson from our pastoral psychology crossed my mind that as a pastor or minister, I should not cry in front of a patient, but, what can I do? She’s my dearest aunt who had made me feel so loved and special even before I ever thought of becoming a priest in high school?!

Deep inside me, I also felt some joy amidst the sadness because I felt my Tita Neneng is indeed ready to go anytime soon because she was so composed without any tear in her eyes and always with that sweet smile on her lips. Before, Tita Neneng would always cry to me, begging me to pray that God would take her as she could not endure her sufferings anymore. That was before when she begged for death out of desperation as a way out of her pains and sickness. But yesterday, she simply told me she was ready to die maybe because she must have found her direction in life already.

Yesterday was actually a déjà vu for me, having experienced it before with my bestest friend from high school seminary, Gil who was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in January 2013. He would always cry to me whenever I would visit him, asking “why me” with the Big C? Seven months after undergoing surgery and some chemo treatment, his doctors gave up. It was time to face the inevitable as his cancer cells were so strongly active; but, surprisingly, my friend Gil accepted it gallantly, even with joy on his face! I visited him thrice on his final week before he died. And there I was, breaking into tears before him, crying like a child. A reversal of roles had suddenly happened with Gil assuring me with everything, explaining things I should know more as a priest. The most remarkable thing I have discovered with Gil as he approached death was the inner peace he head when he told me how he had forgiven his wife who had abandoned them, telling me how much he still loved her, vowing to keep his marital vows until his end!

The beloved disciple of Christ wrote, “No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us” (1Jn.4:12).

Have you ever noticed how when our loved ones were diagnosed with serious illness, they always cried to us while we tried to assure them that everything would be fine? Then, as our loved ones slowly embraced their mortality and faced death, we in turn cried before them who also assured us that everything would be fine? There seems to be a reversal of roles when our loved ones embrace death because their love has been perfected that they no longer fear anything at all. They must be so assured of where they are going to in life, unlike us who are still uncertain of what awaits us and that is why we cry when they go. We not only cry for them but we cry more for ourselves because we have not seen the bigger picture yet that we still love imperfectly. The great love stories of literature like Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” and Charles Dickens’ “A Tale of Two Cities” show us that death and love always go together not only for a beautiful story but precisely because death shows the depth of one’s love. It is in suffering and death love is perfected. A heart willing to suffer and die for another is the heart that truly loves. Though love is symbolized by the heart as we have it on Valentine’s day, love is best expressed by the Cross of Jesus Christ who showed us the way of true love. Coming to terms with life is coming to terms with death and vice versa. So, let us have Valentine’s day every day!

Praying for Our Beloved Departed

The Lord Is My Chef Breakfast Recipe-Prayer

Friday, 02 November 2018, Commemoration of All Souls

2 Maccabees 12:43-46//Romans 5:5-11//John 6:37-40

On this second day of November, O God, before praying for the souls of our dearly departed ones, let me praise and thank you for the gift of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI whose reflections on hope led us to the beauty of eternal life with you. For my prayer today, I have borrowed his reflection and teaching on Purgatory found in “Spe Salvi” (47-48):

Lord Jesus Christ, you are the fire which burns and saves us as our Judge and Savior. In the Purgatory, it is still that encounter with your love that our faithful departed are purified so they may enter heaven.

You have showed us how our lives are involved with one another, linked together through innumerable interactions. You have taught us and shown us while here on earth that no one lives alone, no one sins alone, and no one is saved alone. Indeed, no man is an island.

The lives of other people continually spill over mine, in what I think, say, do, and achieve. And conversely, my life spills over into that of others, for better and for worse.

Let me continue, O Lord, to pray for the poor souls in Purgatory even if my prayer can only play a small part in their purification. Let my prayer express my interconnectedness with God our Father and with one another, here on earth and in the hereafter. It is never too late to touch the heart of another, nor is it in vain. Let me continue praying for the departed, O Lord, like Judas had instructed his army in the second book of Maccabees for our hope is essentially also a hope for others too.

Remind me always that I shall never limit myself to asking how I shall be saved but also what can I do that others may be saved too so that in praying for all the souls in Purgatory, then I have done my utmost for my own personal salvation as well. AMEN. Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, Parokya ng San Juan Apostol at Ebanghelista, Gov. F. Halili Ave., Bagbaguin, Sta. Maria, Bulacan 3022. *All images from Google.

spesalvi

Our Hallowed Hiddenness

Quiet Storm by LordMyChef, 31 October 2018:

Whether you choose to celebrate today’s Halloween in its truest, Christian sense that is sacred or in the more popular pagan manner that is scary, today’s feast that literally means All Hallowed (Holy) Eve reminds us of things that are not seen, always hidden. Hiddenness is a sacred presence where each one of us is all by one’s self focused on God who is the root of our being and existence no matter how one may call Him. In one of his writings which I could no longer recall despite the help of Google, St. John Paull II explained that God created man first to be alone with Him. And that is how it has always been even if people get married for eventually in the end, we die alone with God.

This gift of hiddenness within each one of us is manifested in our desire to once in a while be still, to go to the mountains or anywhere for a retreat or introspection, for “me” time to rediscover and “find” one’s self anew. Hiddenness is the passageway to the great gifts of silence and stillness that everyone needs to maintain balance in this highly competitive world filled with so much noise where everybody is talking, even cars, ATM’s, and elevators. How funny that we complain of not having enough time for ourselves but we never cease to stop talking and listening. And not only that: we have allowed everything about us not only heard but even seen on cameras. First came the Sony Walkman almost 40 years ago that became the ancestor of every gadget that have invaded our hiddenness; now, we have camera everywhere, shooting and recording everything that nothing is hidden anymore in us and from us. We have stripped ourselves of the innate mystery of being human, of the beauty and gift of personhood that some have tried to reveal using the camera but failed because we are beyond seeing and appreciation.

While it is true that cameras are essential in keeping our surroundings safe and secured that it is referred to as “big brother”, again we find here another case of abusing technology to the detriment of our humanity. As I have told you here last week (Respect In Digital Age), we need to put technology at its right place, particularly the camera that robs us of that essential thing we call respect. But the greatest threat and danger posed on us by the camera is how we have allowed it to invade our hiddenness with almost everybody wanting to be on camera without realizing it often backfires, sometimes painfully.

The camera is a projector, trying to show in a bigger picture deeper realities notably the plain truth. Here lies our quiet storm when we are so eager to project everything and everyone including our very selves on the camera when we do not realize nor examine what we are really showing. The great paradox is that the camera does not lie that always seem to show what is negative than what is positive in us. Keep in mind the TV is called “idiot box”because those inside the television presuppose everybody watching them is an idiot when in fact, they are more idiots. Watching television – news or entertainment – can reveal who are superficial and those with substance. Sometimes TV can be deceiving that we take some people and things appearing on the screen as good and credible without us realizing these are “presentations” that are manipulated to produce a desired effect called the hypodermic theory. This explains the popularity of YouTube as people prefer “raw footages” that show people and events “as it happened.” Even movie directors are adapting to this style to show action “as it is” to give the film a more realistic feel that contribute to the blurring of lines between reality and virtual reality.

We need to regain our hallowed hiddenness if we wish to grow and mature truly as persons – emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. With the camera always around us even in the church, sad to say, everybody and everything has become so ordinary and cheap. Even God has to keep His hiddenness simply because that is how He had created everything. See the beautiful speech of God before Job that can transport you to the sublime beauty of nature and creation. The beloved apostle also tells us of the hiddenness of Jesus Christ who “In the beginning was the word.” (Jn.1:1) All four evangelists likewise have no records of the “hidden years” of Jesus before the age of 30 except for Matthew and Luke who gave us little glimpses of the birth and childhood of the Lord. These are all meant to teach us of the value of hiddenness, of being rooted always in our being and with God. Appearances in life are very fleeting and for more impact, we have to spend more time in hiddenness as revealed to us by Christ, the saints, artists and other great men and women of the world who came to be known and popular only after upon death. So many times we have also experienced in the funeral of our relatives and friends that we discover their hidden goodness and kindness from stories of those condoling with us.

This November 1 and 2 as we remember all those who have left us in this world, let us keep its sacred origins: All Saints Day for those souls already in heaven and All Souls’ Day for those who have departed but still being purified or staying at the purgatory. Both dates invite us to hide also in some prayer, remembering God and our loved ones whom we shall surely follow someday without any camera at all. Like them in hiddenness from us, let us be focused more on God than on self and things that pass. Here is the late Fr. Henri Nouwen on hiddenness:

“In our society we are inclined to avoid hiddenness. We want to be seen and acknowledged. We want to be useful to others and influence the course of events. But as we become visible and popular, we quickly grow dependent on people and their responses and easily lose touch with God, the true source of our being. Hiddenness is the place of purification. In hiddenness we find our true selves.”

2-corinthians-4-18-2

*Photo by Mr. Raffy Tima of GMA-7 News, sunset on a flight to Dubai, October 2018. Used with permission. Bible verse from Google.