Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 17 October 2023

This is a long overdue prayer-reflection, a fruit of one of my prayer periods during that week leading to October first when the gospel was the parable of the two sons (26th Sunday in Ordinary Time).

Jesus said to the chief priests and elders of the people: “What is your opinion? A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’ He said in reply, ‘I will not,’ but afterwards he changed his mind and went. The man came to the other son and gave the same order. He said in reply, ‘Yes, sir’ but did not go.

Matthew 21:28-30

It was a Thursday, my day off I normally spend with a Holy Hour at the chapel of the PDDM Sisters at James Alberione Center in Araneta Ave., Quezon City. I usually present to God my Sunday homily every Thursday but that afternoon, I did not feel good. Maybe partly due to the weather that was so humid worsened by the afternoon drizzle. That was when I felt God telling me something about being “scattered” in life.

The word “scattered” has very picturesque translations in Filipino, sabog and kalat-kalat. Sabog is the direct translation of “scattered brain” or one who is disorganized and forgetful, could not think well clearly. Hence, sabog is also used to describe someone who is high on drugs or simply drunk and could not think seriously of everything. It came from the literal meaning of sabog which is an “explosion”.

On the other hand, kalat-kalat means the same as sabog, could not think well because one is disorganized and messy, the literal meaning of kalat that may refer too to trash and dirt.

Many times we are like the two sons who were both scattered because their lives were not in order, both so concerned with one’s self, forgetting their father including their livelihood which is the vineyard. Many times in life, we get so focused with tasks and duties as well as obligations that we forget our relationships, forgetting the persons for whom our work are intended. That is why we also feel at a loss as we miss our bearings in life that are our relationships with God, with others and with one’s self.

Both sons indicated strained relations with their father. The elder son outrightly refused his father’s order because he did not see him that important, perhaps due to anger and resentments he harbored against him although deep down inside, he loves his father. That is why he was bothered by his conscience and later obeyed his father to work at their vineyard.

The younger son, on the other hand, was also scattered because his ego was so bloated in appearing so good to their father. He readily said yes to their father’s order just to look good before him but never fulfilled it because he never really had that deep love and respect for him.

The first sign of being scattered, of being kalat-kalat is when we talk a lot that put us into trouble not necessarily with others but primarily with our self like the first son. We feel our inconsistencies and incongruence within ourselves with what we believe, what we know as right and good. We realize we are not walking our talk because of the great mess we are into, the mess around us like negative and other selfish thoughts that flood us. And all we wanted to do is to “pick up the pieces” of our selves, of our lives, and of our relationships. With God and with others.

Being scattered is something like a “soft depression” caused by burn out and lack of recreation and rest, a sign we have been losing grip of ourselves that we have to reassess anew our priorities and values in life. And always, the first person we forget is our very self as we get sickly, feel exhausted and tired easily, even grouchy and irritable for trivial even no apparent reasons at all.

First thing to do when we feel scattered is to naturally gather our self. Distance from our usual routine and people. Have that postponed medical check-up. And have quality “me time” like a movie or a short out-of-town vacation. We need to empty ourselves to be filled anew with God and his grace. Like Jesus, we need to go to a deserted place by ourselves, literally and figuratively speaking.

To gather one’s self is an invitation from God himself for more intense prayers to bond again in Jesus by laying aside all our plans and goals, forgetting all about ourselves even of others for a while to ask the Lord what he wants from us. It is easy to claim and convince ourselves what we are doing are for the Lord but the real thing necessary is that we simply do his works!

Christ had repeatedly said that “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters” (Lk. 11:23 or Mt. 12:30). If what we are doing are the works of the Lord, there will always be joy and fulfillment. Even despite difficulties and exhaustion.

Overall, this feeling of being scattered is an invitation from God himself for us to put him back at the center of our lives and we start doing his works that are often simpler than what we envision and plan. Whenever there is this feeling of being scattered, I pray:

God our loving Father,
help me find my way back home
to you in Jesus your Son; 
many times I talk too much,
even write a lot about you
and for you but often,
they are for me too
and against others;
help me, dear Father
in this mess and disorder;
when you created the world, 
everything was in chaos;
breathed into me your
Holy Spirit
to make me alive again
in you and for you,
doing your work,
obeying your will
in the way you want it,
not mine.
Amen.