A wedding and a funeral

Lord My Chef Wedding Recipe by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Homily, Wedding of Ellah and John Victor
Santuario de San Jose Parish, Greenhills, Mandaluyong
27 December 2025

A former student in our girls’ high school invited me to officiate her wedding last December 27, 2025; we were supposed to meet December 20 before my Simbang Gabi in our university chapel for my formal invitation when her father died suddenly that same afternoon while on a trip down south with his fellow big-bikers.

Ellah was so devastated with the news, wanting to reset her wedding. She has been working overseas for the past three years and had saved enough for her wedding day. Her only request from her parents who have separated when she was in elementary was for them to be together when she gets married. And they willingly obliged for their unica hija. And then tragedy struck exactly a week before her wedding day that happened to be the feast day of St. John Evangelist, the beloved disciple of the Lord. Sharing with you my homily on that bittersweet day of wedding of a beloved student and funeral of her father.

*Photo by Joseph Kettaneh on Pexels.com*

Congratulations, Ellah and JV on this most joyous day of your lives.

I know, it must be so difficult for you, Ellah but I am so glad that you still pushed through with your wedding today as planned. Your dad would not be happy if you had this postponed.

Showbiz ka rin talaga, Ellah! Parang cine – a wedding and a funeral.

But, let it be clear with you both, Ellah and JV that God willed it for you get married today on the feast of Jesus Christ’s beloved disciple St. John the Apostle and Evangelist. God wanted you to be married this day – not next year nor next month, nor last year. This is the day that the Lord has made for you to seal your love at His altar in this beautiful church because God has great plans for you, Ellah and JV.

Our gospel is so beautiful – the story of Easter when Jesus Christ rose from the dead.

On the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them, “They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don’t know where they put him.” So Peter and the the other disciple went out and came to the tomb (John 20:1,2-3).

*“The Three Marys” (1910), painting by American Henry Osawa Tanner from biblicalarchaeology.org.*

Here we find a most beautiful image of human relationships, of how a woman needs a man, and a man’s readiness to be at her side, to comfort and accompany the woman.

Just like you today, Ellah and JV.

Of course, Mary Magdalene and Simon Peter were both disciples of Jesus. They have no romantic relationships. But, the mere fact that Mary thought of reporting the missing body of Jesus to Peter being the leader of the Apostles speaks a lot to us these days when gender equality is overextended.

A woman needs a man for leadership that is why he is the man of the house. This we find in the rite of putting on veil on the newly-weds: only the head of the woman is covered because in every family, in every couple there is only one head, one leader – the man. Wherever there are two heads, it means there is a monster. There can be no order in any relationship when everyone is the leader or the head. This is most especially true in every couple.

However, let it be clear too that these mutual need of woman for man and man for woman is always governed by love which is more than a feeling but a decision, a meeting of one’s mind and heart. If your read the letters of St. John like what we have in our first reading today, you will realize three important lessons by the beloved disciple about LOVE:

First, God is the source of love.

Ellah and JV, remain rooted in God for “God is love.” If there is one thing you have found so clear in your lives since college, Ellah and JV, God has always been there with you. His abiding love never forsake you both, especially in your most trying times. Keep serving Him in your parish, in your lives, in your married life. Handle life with prayer.

Second, St. John tells us that love is not merely said in words but proven in deeds and works.

Walk your talk of “I love you.” One of the things I ask couples preparing for marriage is, who should be the first to greet, to speak when you have an LQ? Sino dapat maunang kumibo kapag nag-away ang mag-asawa o magkasintahan?

Many say it should be the man but I ask them whatever happened to the principle of ladies first? On the other hand, some say whoever caused the quarrel must be the one to apologize but the problem is, would anyone admit fault? The answer is simple but difficult to practice: whoever has more love to give must be the first to blink, must be the first to make the move. Love in any relationship is not a competition. Just keep on loving and loving. Show and make your love felt in actions. Not just words.

Third, very clear with St. John that love is always self-giving.

The true measure that you have loved is when you are able to love somebody else more than yourself. Love is always the giving of self.

In another part of his letter, St. John beautifully wrote that “No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us” (1Jn.4:12).

Remember, Ellah and JV, Jesus is always between the two of you, not in front nor at your back. Whatever you do to each other, you do it first to Jesus. When you work hard JV and become patient with the tantrums of Ellah, you first become loving to Jesus and then to Ellah. The same with you Ellah: when you take care of JV, when you cook his favorite meal, you are first loving Jesus then JV. But, the moment you become mean to each other, when you become unfaithful to each other, Ellah and JV, you become unloving first to Jesus and then to each other.

Wedding is not everything, Ellah and JV. There will be dark days and difficult times ahead of you, just like now as you grieve at the death of your dad, Ellah.

But, remember Ellah and JV your gospel today: Easter happened when it was dark; the tomb was empty because Jesus had risen from the dead. Like in life, whenever it is dark and empty, hold on to each other Ellah and JV, have faith in God for there in your midst is Jesus Christ.

Never lose hope in life; as I used to teach you Ellah in high school, hopelessness is the opposite of love, not hatred. The moment you find no hope in everyone and in everything, then you stop loving and that is when you start destroying everything and everyone. Never lose that hope and you will always find love, Ellah and JV. God bless you more and blessed Merry Christmas!

Marriage is completing each other

The Lord Is My Chef Wedding Recipe by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II
Homily, Wedding of Dra. Arianna Julia Enriquez & Dr. Dexter Falcon
Santuario de San Jose Parish, Greenhills, Mandaluyong
28 February 2025

Congratulations, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter in choosing to get married in the Church. Many people these days disregard the Sacrament of Marriage, sadly seeing it more in human terms and most sad of all, many would rather follow superstitions than faith in getting married.

When I was still in a parish in Bulacan, a couple met with me due to a problem with the date they wanted to get married that fell on a Saturday. I offered to them a Friday but the mother of the bride said “araw po ng mga mangkukulam ang Biyernes!” Whoa! Did you know that?

Trying to hide my laughter, I told the couple how about on a Thursday which is my day off and would just cancel it to officiate their wedding. The mother again interjected, “nakupo Father… lalo na po ang Huwebes! Araw ng kasal ng mga tikbalang!” I could not contain myself anymore and I told the mother, “Katoliko pala mga tikbalang dito sa inyo!”

I mentioned this experience because in the provinces, very few couples get married in the month of February like you. Your Tita, Dra Mylene knows this very well… happy birthday po! When people find out you were born in February, they say “kaya ka pala ganyan, kulang-kulang.” And that’s how most people see February – kulang or incomplete – that is why even couples avoid it as a date for their wedding.

Of course that is not true. Every day is a perfect day for wedding for each day is blessed by God – most especially the days of February, the most perfect month in number of days. February was added to our calendar to complete the 365 days of revolution of Earth around the Sun to make it a year. It is February that completes the year as it fills the missing days following the miscalculations by the early Romans.

And that’s marriage. A man and a woman get married to complete each other.

Remember God’s declaration in the first reading, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

See how in creating the woman, God cast a deep sleep on man and took his rib to form it into a woman. The man was totally unaware of what was going on when God created and gave him the woman as his “suitable partner.”

This is most true with you, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter: you were both totally unaware in the beginning of how God worked silently in the background that you would eventually complete each other as friends, as lovers and now as husband and wife.

You have realized after your long relationship from pre-med to med proper and now as full-pledged doctors that you both cannot be complete without each other that even if you were separated by time and distance, you still made efforts to be together because that is love. You have realized that you can only be complete and whole with each other. Ikaw lang, sapat na!

Nothing is so toxic and difficult, nothing is most joyous when you think of each other, when you love each other. And so, simply love, love, and love! Huwag kayong magbibilangan! No need to have the numbers “224” tattooed on your arms like Philmar and Andi Eigenman.

When you have an LQ, who must make the first move to reach out and make peace?

Some couples say the man should make the first move but what happened to the rule “ladies first”? Others say the first to reconcile and say sorry is the one who started the lover’s quarrel but, would anyone really admit that?

The answer is this: when couples have an LQ, the one who has the most love to give must be the first to make the move for peace and reconciliation. Yung higit na nagmamahal ang unang kikibo.

Love is not a competition and love cannot be really measured. The true measure of love is when you love without measure. Nobody is perfect; hence, human love is also imperfect. Only God can love us perfectly. That is why, just keep on loving each other, letting your love flow to each other by taking care of each other.

That is the beautiful imagery of the ribs – inside the rib cage, the most vital organs of the body are protected and kept safe like the heart, the lungs, the liver. Lalo na ikaw, Doc Dexter: you are lacking in one rib and that is Dra. Arianna. Alagaan mo siyang mabuti. Boss namin siya…

God willed in all eternity that the two of you get married today not tomorrow nor next year nor last year. It was God who set February 28 as your wedding date because on this day God completes you.

However, though the husband and the wife complete each other, it is Jesus Christ who cements their union in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Jesus is the “gold paint” in the Japanese kintsugi art of repairing broken pottery.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of joining together the broken pieces of a jar or a vase with a glue and then pain with gold its cracks to make the broken piece more beautiful. Along this line of thought is St. Paul the Apostle who described us as “earthen vessels” – palayok in Tagalog: so delicate and easily broken yet God still fills us with Himself and His grace because He loves us so much.

And that is my second final reflection for you dear Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter: love is not natural but supernatural – it is divine because it is rooted in God! Love is more than a feeling which is natural. Love is a decision, requiring your cooperation with God who pours out His blessings to you since you met despite your imperfections and flaws. That is the meaning of Marriage as a Sacrament – it is more than a human and natural bond but a supernatural, divine union of man and woman who become the signs of Christ’s saving presence in the world.

Heed the call of Jesus in our gospel today, “remain in me and make my joy complete.”

How lovely is your love story! Clearly of divine origin that you met in a theology class during your senior year in college. You did not meet in a party nor in any of those rows of restaurants across Ateneo or at the parking lot. You met in a theology class where you learned about God.

And the more you discovered God, the more you discovered each other, realizing in the process that the more you need God to make you both complete which is the principle and foundation of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises.

We are able to love because God loved us first as the beloved disciple wrote in his first letter. That is the mystery of love, of married love specifically that Ben & Ben said so well in their song, “Mahiwaga… Pipiliin ka sa araw-araw… Mahiwaga… and nadarama sa iyo ay malinaw.”

When I think of this mystery of divine love in married couples, the image that comes to my mind are the “praying hands”. Each hand represents the husband and the wife. They retain their individuality as they freely pursue growth and maturity and fulfillment in life and career. Both hands are flexible and can move freely.

But, look at these two praying hands: as you get closer with each other, you also create a sacred space between you for Jesus Christ. Like that glue painted gold in the Japanese art of kintsugi, it is Jesus who makes you one and complete, it is Jesus who joins you together in his love.

Hence, whatever you do to each other, you do it first to Jesus. When you are faithful and true to Dra . Arianna, you are first faithful and true Doc Dexter to Jesus. The same with you Dra. Arianna: when you bake pastries and cakes for Doc Dexter, it is Jesus whom you first make happy and delighted.

But the moment you Doc Dexter cheat and lie to Dra. Arianna, you first fool Jesus. When you make taray to Doc Dexter, you first make taray to Jesus, Dra. Arianna.

Handle your life always with prayer. Every day, invite Jesus into your married life, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter in the same manner you have both invited Him today on your wedding day. God bless you always, Dra. Arianna and Doc Dexter! May today be your least happiest day in your life as couple! Amen.

To love is to be small to be a part of the other person

A wedding homily for Sir Vicente R. Santos III & Ms. Jillian Bianca Carpio
St. Michael the Archangel Parish, Bonifacio Global City, Taguig, 12 July 2024
Tobit 8:4b-8 >><}}}}*> + <*{{{{><< John 15:9-12

*Photo by author in La Trinidad, Benguet, 12 July 2023.*

Congratulations, Sir Teng and Mam Jill on your wedding day. Your decision to get married in the Church is an expression of love itself because love is a decision, not just a feeling. Making a decision to get married is a choice to be small, to be broken into pieces to be united, to be one with the other person, your beloved.

Every time we make that decision to love, we renounce our very selves, our selfishness. The truest sign that we love is when we are able to love somebody more than our self; and to grow in love is to always choose the other person by a daily renunciation of one’s self which Ben&Ben sang so well, “Mahiwaga… pipiliin ka sa araw-araw…”

*Photo by author, Camp John Hay, 12 July 2023.*

This we saw in our first reading in the beautiful prayer by Tobiah with Sarah on their honeymoon when he mentioned God’s original plan in Genesis in creating woman as a suitable partner of man.

The root word of “partner” is part. A part is always small that makes up the whole. Every whole is made up of small parts.

A part-ner means you are both a part of each other and you both have to be small in order to be whole as married couple.

In that beautiful story of Tobiah and Sarah, we find them choosing to become small in order to become part of the bigger whole, of each other, and of God.

Tobiah is the son of Tobit who lived in exile in Nineveh, the capital of Assyria that had conquered Israel in the Old Testament. Tobit used to be wealthy but had a reversal of fortunes later in life made worse with his going blind. He sent his son Tobiah to Media to collect a debt from a fellow Jew with hopes he could also find there a bride for himself among their kindred.

God then sent Archangel Raphael who disguised as a traveler to Tobiah who was so kind to welcome him as companion. On their way to Media, Tobiah was attacked by a large, strange fish while taking a bath at the Tigris River. Tobiah was able to subdue the creature while Raphael instructed him to take out its heart, liver and gall due to its medicinal properties. Tobiah obeyed Raphael and they proceeded to Media to collect the debt owed to his father. There he met and fell for a Jewish woman named Sarah.

But, there was a major problem with Sarah: she had been widowed seven times because the devil Asmodeus would always come and kill her husband just before their honeymoon!

*Engraving of Raphael instructing Tobiah to gut the fish by Georg Pencz (1543) from en.wikipedia.org.*

Raphael pushed Tobiah to still marry Sarah, teaching how to drive away the devil Asmodeus on their honeymoon by burning the heart and liver of the strange fish he had killed. Tobiah followed Raphael’s instructions and Asmodeus was finally driven away that is why we have this scene of them praying in thanksgiving for their marriage. (This is the reason St. Raphael is portrayed with a fish and why arbularyos burn fish intestines to drive away evil spirits.)

Tobiah returned home to present his wife Sarah to his parents in Nineveh; Raphael again instructed Tobiah to apply the dried gall of the fish onto the eyes of his father Tobit to regain his sight. Amid their celebrations for Tobit’s healing and Tobiah’s marriage, Raphael revealed himself as God’s archangel sent to them to bring their healing which is the meaning of the name Raphael, “God has healed”.

See how Tobiah and Sarah, as well as Tobit even Archangel Raphael chose to be small and humble before God and everyone, to play mere parts in the grand plan of God in their lives. They were all willing to be humble and small.

*Photo by author, St. Michael Archangel Parish, BGC, Taguig City, 12 July 2024.*

Sir Teng and Mam Jill, you were sent for each other by God like St. Raphael to Tobiah and Sarah and Tobit. Handle your life with prayer. Always invite Jesus into your life as a married couple just like today you when you invited Him to bless your wedding. Do not forget to celebrate Mass every Sunday, to pray daily, as much as possible together as husband and wife.

True greatness is in becoming small like a little child as Jesus Christ repeatedly told His disciples. In this world where we compete on being the biggest and most powerful, God tells us the key to fulfillment is in being small, being humble, to become a part of the whole. The greatness of every person depends on the measure of his or her ability to share because it is only in participating in the whole does one becomes truly great.

Marriage is becoming small to become one. Husband and wife cannot be one unless they let go of themselves first. Marriage is not a competition of who has more love to give and share but simply of loving and loving, giving and giving.

When you reflected Sir Teng on what to do with your life and realized you will never be complete without Mam Jill, that is being small, that is truly loving because you are willing to let go of yourself to be a part of Jill.

Remember, there’s no perfect husband nor perfect wife but you can be the ideal husband, the ideal wife by forgetting yourself through daily conversion in Jesus Christ who gave His total self out of love for us. And you do not have to die on the cross literally, Sir Teng and Mam Jill.

Sir Teng, the ideal husband is someone who is deaf. Bingi. You know how women are. They talk a lot as they remember everything in detail even from long, long time ago. The moment Mam Jill starts talking, play deaf. So you don’t quarrel or debate.

Mam Jill, the idal wife is someone who is blind. Bulag. Problem with women is you see everything, kahit wala naman, may nakikita pa rin mga babae. When you see something with Sir Teng, play blind. Wala yun. Mabait siya talaga.

You two were brought together by your love for the French language. Every language is made up of small parts called letters used to form words put together in a sentence to express a thought or a feeling so we can communicate.

But, “communication is more than the expression of one’s thoughts and feelings; at its most profound level, it is the giving of self in love like Jesus Christ on the Cross” (Communio et Progressio #11)… just like every husband and wife too.

So, be small, Sir Teng and Mam Jill for you to remain in love, to grow in love, and be great in love. Amen.