Discipleship is facing death

The Lord Is My Chef Sunday Recipe, Wk. XIII-C, 30 June 2019

1 Kings 19:16, 19-21 >< )))> Galatians 5:1, 13-18 >< )))> Luke 9:51-62

Jerusalem as seen from the Mount of Olives with a Jewish cemetery at the foreground facing its eastern wall where the Messiah is believed would pass through when he comes. It is the very route Jesus had taken more than 2000 years ago on Palm Sunday before his Passion, Death and Resurrection. Photo by author, 04 May 2019.

After all the solemnities we have celebrated since the closing of Easter Season last Pentecost Sunday, we now get into the very heart of the Ordinary Time of our liturgy with St. Luke as our guide. Feel the sobriety and hint of solemnity at the start of the second part of his gospel we have heard today which is about discipleship and facing death like Jesus.

When the days for Jesus’ being taken up were fulfilled, he resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem.
Luke 9:51

I love the way St. Luke wrote this part about Jesus “resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem.” In some translations, they have retained its literal equivalent from the original Greek text that says “Jesus set his face to Jerusalem”. For Jesus, Jerusalem is where he fulfills his mission from the Father by dying on the Cross. So, if we are going to be more literal with this opening sentence by St. Luke, it would be “Jesus set his face to death.”

A friend who had inspired me about blogging has been writing about death lately. Last June 10, 2019 he wrote:

No one wants to write about death. Or dying.
To many, it’s not only a morbid topic. It is a taboo to talk about it.
Of course we’d rather talk about the joie de vivre in our daily chronicles. It is, after all, what sparks joy.
Death is a stranger to this world. Until it comes knocking at your door.
https://relativejoyforyou.wordpress.com/2019/06/10/dear-death/?fbclid=IwAR2ryu6Kou_CIRYqTz193ZTkpdS5bSabCX9-7NuhDSHM3jYcrhjNY8rta6o

His words are very true.

In fact, I have been very hesitant to write about death as a topic for my homily this Sunday because Sundays are supposed to be joyful! And that is perhaps our problem with death: we always see it as something dark and negative. (Is it not?)

Today Jesus is teaching us to see death in his perspective as something beautiful and even glorious. St. Luke saw it and is now leading us in this new approach to death as he tells us the story when “Jesus resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem.”

One thing that strikes me during sick visitations in my parish and in Metro Manila is how we see death as an escape or an ending. Patients and relatives alike always tell me to pray for death to end all sufferings and pains.

When “Jesus resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem,” he was not sick, physically and emotionally. He was very well and able. When he was hanging on the Cross, he did not wish death to end his pains. On the contrary, he actually faced death head on. And this is one of the very important lessons Jesus had taught and shown us: facing death, even embracing death. Recall how during his Last Supper on Holy Thursday Jesus was never caught surprised by death. He was in total control of everything.

This is the reason why Jesus accomplished so much in just three years of his ministry because he was very aware of his coming death. In coming to terms with death, Jesus lived fully even if he died at 33 years old. The same is very true with some of our saints who have died young and have accomplished so much because they have all lived to the fullest that death did not surprise them at all in their works and mission.

The “sleeping Jesus” on a bench at the entrance to Capernaum. See the wounds on his feet, markings from his crucifixion. Photo by author, 02 May 2019.

One of the new attractions at Capernaum today when you come to visit the ruins of the synagogue Jesus used to visit there during his lifetime is a park where one finds his statue sleeping on a bench at the entrance across the Franciscans’ quarters. The statue is executed artistically and realistically that passersby would drop some coins for alms in a pot near the image! The sleeping Christ on a bench depicts exactly the second part of the gospel we have heard today: there is nothing certain in this life except Jesus Christ. The sooner we come to accept and embrace this reality vis-a-vis death, the better for us.

As they were proceeding on their journey someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus answered him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nest, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.”
Luke 9:57-58

Discipleship is coming to terms with death, accepting its reality so that we stop wasting our lives with bitterness and resentments to start living joyfully and meaningfully in Christ. I have heard countless of times how most patients including relatives and friends would bargain for more time, for more life because they felt they have not lived fully. As they come face to face with death during sickness or an accident, they beg even for a little time to live fully, proving that “in the end, it is not the years in your life that count but the life in your years.”

Facing death like Jesus Christ is having God as our top priority. Unlike the second and third people Jesus had invited to follow him and asked his permission “to first bury his dead father” and “to first say goodbye to his family.” Jesus is not teaching us to turn away from our family and loved ones; he wants us to always have God and eternal life as our top priorities in life. Like Elisha in the first reading who slaughtered his oxen and cooked them using the yoke and plow as firewood to show he was foregoing everything to follow Elijah as a prophet.

Every disciple is a nomad following Christ, a pilgrim and sojourner whose true home is in heaven with the Father; hence, the importance of thinking always of things of the above, of heaven and of eternal life. St. Ignatius of Loyola calls it the “principle and foundation” in life wherein we do the things that would lead us to salvation and avoid things that would bring us to eternal damnation.

Of course, such a vision about life is not only contrary to the values of the world but even a folly. See how the world tells us to “just do it” and to “obey your thirst” so that we can have easy and comfortable lives, enjoying everything to the fullest by ensuring our security with material wealth. On the other hand, discipleship in Christ as St. Paul reminds us in the second reading is allowing the Holy Spirit to direct our lives because it is the spiritual things that truly fulfill us. What a tragedy especially among affluent nations we hear reports of increasing number of people committing suicides, feeling empty and lost despite their material wealth?!

Jesus alone is our joy and security. In him, trials and sufferings become blessings because they make us stronger and better persons. Most of all, death is neither an end nor an escape in Jesus but a passage to life in the fullest. This is not a simplification of the complex reality of death but an assurance that Jesus had conquered it and had made it into a blessing that we can now discuss and reflect about it.

I know that speaking about death is easier said than done. It may even be Quixotic. But, death is a reality of life we have to face and deal with, even befriend little by little as we age. Reflecting about death is a kind of death itself and at the same time a grace from God who enabled us to face it even in our limited abilities. Let us put our complete faith in Christ, following him resolutely to Jerusalem as his disciples so that when death finally comes to us, we find Jesus by our side. A blessed week to you! Amen.

Facing death

The Lord Is My Chef Breakfast Recipe for the Soul, Tuesday, Easter VII, 04 June 2019

Acts 20:17-27 >< )))> >< )))> >< )))> John 17:1-11*

Altar of the Church of All Nations beside the Garden of Gethsemane in the Holy Land. Photo by author, April 2017.

I am hesitant in greeting you a good morning, Lord Jesus Christ. How I wish I could have even a fifth of your courage in facing death. All throughout your life here on earth, you faced death squarely. You were never caught by surprise.

Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and said, “Father, the hour has come.”
John 17:1

In the first reading, St. Paul also spoke about his coming death when he summoned the leaders of the church in Ephesus to a meeting in Miletus where he told them that after that meeting, they would never see his face again.

Every day, Lord, we face death every time we make choices and decisions. But rarely are we aware about death with the capital “D” except when we are in extreme danger or when diagnosed with the big “C”.

Last night as I prayed, I got focused about facing death. I am afraid, Lord even though I know that when it comes, I will not feel anything. The pain would be with those I would leave behind, with those who love me and care for me. Yet, I am still afraid.

And that is when you consoled me, making me realize that what is most terrifying with death is when we fail to live authentically. When we waste every opportunity to live fully because coming to terms with death is coming to terms with life too!

That is the reason why you – and the saints – were never afraid with death. That is part of the joy of Easter, of living authentically.

Help us, O Lord, to live truthfully, and fully in your love and mercy so that when our time comes, we have no regrets leaving this life on earth because while still here, we are already one with you in the Father (Jn.17:3).

We pray also for those who are terminally ill, undergoing surgery and other medical procedures today, for those languishing in jail especially those who are innocent, for those barely surviving the many trials of every day living trying to make ends meet. Comfort them, Lord Jesus with your healing presence. Amen.

A sculpture of Jesus’ Agony at the Garden below a window of the Church of All Nations beside the Garden of Gethsemane. Photo by author, April 2017.

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I forgive only when you remember

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 07 May 2019

We are now traveling to the Mt. Sinai area to cross into Egypt. As I have been telling you, this is my third time in the Holy Land and Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial of Israel. I shall write later of my reflections but below is my email written the first time I came here:

23 June 2005

Shalom everyone!

Until now, I could still feel the impact Yad Vashem had on me.

I would just like to add here a story shared with us by Ronnie before our tour….

Accdg to Ronnie, he acted as a guide to a group of young Americans at the Yad Vashem last summer. They met a Jewish woman who survived the holocaust after their tour and told them firsthand her own experience from the Auschwitz camp.

The young tourists were so touched with her story, of how she had lost her parents, siblings and friends. As she wiped her tears, a young man asked the survivor: have you forgiven the people who killed your family?

And Ronnie said, the woman replied this way: I could only forgive if you would always remember.

We were also so touched with the story and the woman’s declaration: I could only forgive if you would always remember.

One of my favorite philosopher is Martin Heidegger, a German existentialist who, unfortunately, was blinded by Hitler’s rhetorics in the beginning but later denounced Nazism.

According to Heidegger, we are all “beings of forgetfullness”; he explained that this is the main reason why we always lead “inauthentic living.”

And that is true. We always have to remember the past not to take tally of how we were hurt or maltreated by others; we remember the painful past so that we would not repeat it and do them again onto others.

It is so sad that in our lives, we keep on remembering how we got inflicted with wounds so that we could wound others; hence, what we have is a vicious circle of violence and retributions.

That I think is the essence of “learning from history”—-of not repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

This is often at the root of many of our problems in our dealings with other people: parents, priests, teachers, supervisors or almost anyone who always remember the difficulties they have gone through when they were younger; we are sometimes guilty of harking at our painful past and get even with those presently under us. And the pains and the hurts increase, forgetting the lessons that could have been learned.

Our country is in deep, deep, deep crises because we are mostly “beings of forgetfullness”—we have a poor sense of history, we can’t remember the lessons of the past because we did not learn at all or just maybe, preoccupied with getting even or vengeance.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting because that is impossible; God programmed us to always remember so that we could become more loving, more forgiving, more understanding, and more like Him in seeing what’s good in everyone.

At the back of Yad Vashem is a breathtaking view of Jerusalem below. After seeing and somehow experiencing the horrors of the Holocaust, I can’t help thinking how come God could accept and allow the Jews, Moslems, and Christians live together in His old city when we can’t even stand the sight or the smell of the person next to us because he is not of same color or creed with us?

God bless!

With my parishioners the other day at Yad Vashem. Many cried at the sights in the museum but we were all touched with the personal story and reflections of our guide, a 70 year old man we fondly call Lolo Mendy. Will write his stories later.

Darkest hour, Finest hour

The Lord Is My Chef Recipe for Good Friday, 19 April 2019

Isaiah 52:13-53:12///Hebrews 4:14-16;5:7-9///John 18:1-19:42

*Jerusalem at dawn. Photo by author, April 2017.*

Yesterday I saw the Maundy Thursday letter of Archbishop Soc Villegas to us his brother priests. I have never had a death threat in my life but have experienced being the subject of a fake news on being dead in 2005. And like the good Bishop Soc, I also asked “why me for doing what is right?”

It was one of the darkest hours in my entire life. I was then assigned at our diocesan school for boys in Malolos when I initiated an investigation on two married teachers allegedly having an affair following a tip from some faculty members. Our school principal who was well-respected by everyone headed the board. After a few days into the investigation, the teachers concerned resigned after realizing the overwhelming evidences their accusers have gathered against them. We were so glad the case was peacefully and easily resolved.

A week later, a teacher woke me up very early morning with a call, asking if the text message they have received was true that I have died of a heart attack past midnight. My immediate response to the teacher was, “why did you call me if I have died already?” She was crying and was so concerned as I listened to her on the phone. Then I asked her to send me the text message, but, later I changed my mind, telling her “what if it were true?”

I was never able to get back to sleep that morning because everybody was asking about the fake news that spread so quickly. I had to call my family to assure them I am very alive and well. By eight o’clock I realized the gravity of the matter: nuns were praying and masses have been offered for my “untimely death” that some priests have in fact came to see me in the school. I tried to brushed it aside, taking it lightly with my usual jokes. I even held my classes that whole day, telling my students that even if I die, I would always come to teach them.

Things became so different later that day for me. Especially when I prayed first in our chapel that evening and later in my room. Alone, I cried, feeling a deep pain within, asking myself what have I done wrong to deserve such a fake news? It was a pain so different, something you could really piercing through one’s self, slashing and shredding every bit of my being. That night I felt I have finally grasped all those existential absurd and pessimistic stuffs by Abert Camus and Soren Kierkegaard. Like what young people would say these days, “gets ko na sila”.

*Crucifixion at the altar of the Betania Retreat House, Tagaytay. Photo by author, 2017.*

It did not stop there. The “mystery texter” eventually texted me, threatening me of so many things, cursing me that I would suffer so much before I die. With that, I sought help from my friends in the news who referred me to a text scam investigator whom I never met but was so kind to help me for free. With his technical skills plus my news background as well as pastoral psychology, I was able to eventually identify my mystery texter who was a co-teacher of the accusers of the teachers in the illicit affair. It turned out, she was so broken-hearted after being dumped by the male teacher for another co-teacher who was prettier and lovelier than her. And she’s also married! She thought I was protecting the accused male teacher who happened to be an ex-seminarian but later we learned he was notorious in having illicit affairs among his married co-teachers.

She eventually resigned from our school in 2006 along with her group of co-teachers who all end up miserable in life. Their leader got separated from her husband who was caught in the act in another school banging an employee in a vacant room during summer break. Another was widowed. The third just got uglier. And she? She went to teach abroad in 2007 but had to go back home after learning her husband’s extra-marital affairs. She was able to go back to our old school because I never told my rector my findings. After a year and a half, she was fired from our school when the wife of our school driver caught them having an affair. I have never seen her nor her group since I left our school in 2010.

The Cross of Christ atop the church of our Lady of Lourdes in France. Photo by my former student Arch. Philip Santiago during his pilgrimage in 2018.

Thank you for bearing with me with my long story. It is the first time I have shared it with anyone except with one good teacher I have kept as a friend. Since yesterday I have been telling you about the “hour” of Jesus Christ, his passion that started at the Last Supper, culminating at his crucifixion. We said the darkest hour of Jesus Christ is also his finest hour because of his immense love. In the end, it was his love that triumphed over sin and evil. And that is why we call this Friday as Good.

When I recall that episode in my life, I thank God. You know when I was being attacked then by that mystery texter, that was the same year God gifted me my first trip to the US when my Ninang’s daughter got married. Life has become harder for me since then but has become “betterer”.

Of course I was scared at that time, checking on everything I was doing. Everything in my life has to be planned and calculated; I hate surprises that is why I am not fond of gifts, that I do not readily open them. But, was I angry or mad? No. Even at that time. I even pitied our teacher for being fooled. There is still pain in my heart when I remember those people behind those things but overall, I have transcended the episode. And I feel I have been transformed by it. The incident made me more resolved to be good and better as a person, as a priest. Most of all, it had taught me that like Jesus Christ, we always have to make a stand for what is true, what is good, what is just. It is always painful, lonely and scary to be on the cross. But it is on the Cross of Christ where we shine and share in his glory. It is only at the Cross of Christ where we are truly transformed into better persons because of love. It is only on the Cross of Christ where we realize the value and beauty of this gift of life, of every person in our lives that we start living authentically. At the Cross of Christ, we are assured always of a bright new day to get better and stat anew in life. A blessed weekend to you!

The Crucifix by National Artist Napoleon Abueva at the Holy Sacrifice Parish at UP Diliman. Here we find Good Friday and Easter Sunday, Death and Glory of Christ always together, a hairline apart from each other. See also the long arms of Christ that seem to be disproportionate to his body. According to a story, the UP Chaplain who commissioned that crucifix, the Jesuit Fr. John Delaney asked Abueva to make the arms of Christ longer than usual to show Jesus welcomes everyone; there’s a room for everyone in the Lord’s Cross, especially those suffering. Photo from Google.

Praying And Dying with Jesus

The Lord Is My Chef Good Friday Recipe, 19 April 2019

Isaiah 52:13-53:12//Hebrews 4:14-16;5:7-9//John 18:1-19:42

*Crucifix at the Fatima Square in Portugal. Photo by Arch. Philip Santiago, October 2018.*

The Evangelists tell us that Jesus died on the Cross on a Friday at about 3:00 PM. And they tell us too that our Lord died praying, exactly what most of the Seven Last Words have expressed. But from the gospel we have heard this afternoon written by the beloved disciple John, we discover something very beautiful: Jesus was very calm and peaceful in his prayer unto death.

After this, aware that everything was now finished, in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I thirst.” There was a vessel filled with common wine. So they put a sponge soaked in wine on a sprig of hyssop and put it up to his mouth. When Jesus had taken the wine, he said, “It is finished.” And bowing his head, he handed over the spirit.
John 19:28-30

When we are deep in suffering, in severe pain like Jesus on the cross, what do we usually pray?

Most often, we pray that the terrible ordeal we are going through would finally end or be finished. And sometimes, due to desperation, we even pray for death, of how we wish God would finally end our life to be free from all the problems and pains we are going through. And we feel death is the solution.

One of the things I have realized about death came from the 1990’s movie “House of Spirits” when the mother played by Meryl Streep told her daughter played by Winona Ryder that “you do not pray for death because death surely comes.” I always tell that to patients I visit who are in deep pain and suffering. I know it is easier than done. But when we reflect on the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, we discover how he had made death an offering, a gift of self in love. Clearly we find here that his darkest hour is also his finest hour because of love.

*Chapel of the Holy Family, Sacred Heart Novitiate, Novaliches. Photo by author, 2016.*

In the original Greek text of St. John, the word used to express Jesus Christ’s final prayer “It is finished” is “tetelestai” from the root word “telos” meaning the final end and direction. It is not just an ending but a direction too. At the start of this year’s Lenten season, we have reflected that life is more about direction than destination. Direction leads to growth and maturity because it is about persons. Destination is just about place and location.

From the very start, Jesus was clear with His mission, of how it would be accomplished. He has always been sure of himself, of who he is. Notice how St. John repeated many times in his account of the Last Supper how Jesus was “fully aware” of everything that was going to happen: he was so composed and serene that he even gave bread to his betrayer Judas Iscariot during their supper. Last night we heard how Jesus knew everything was coming to end that he washed the feet of his disciples.

When his “hour” had come, Jesus was “fully aware of everything” that he was never left to the whims and powers of his enemies when he went through his Passion, calmly and courageously facing his death on the Cross. He always had the upper hand that he was able to pray “It is finished” because he was so sure of his Resurrection on Easter. In praying “It is finished,” Jesus consecrated not only himself but also all humanity to the Father so that we are able to bear and face death squarely like him.

Mt. St. Paul Retreat House, Baguio. Photo by author, June 2017.

In the Mass after the consecration of the bread and wine into Christ’s Body and Blood, we proclaim “Christ has died; Christ is risen; Christ will come again.” We call it as “the mystery of our faith” because when we say “Christ has died,” we admit that truly, the Son of God went through all kinds of sufferings in life we all go through like betrayal, rejection, loneliness, sickness, hunger, thirst, and yes, even death. And His sufferings continue as we suffer more in this world marred by evil and sins, making us cry, asking when would these end and be finished. And there lies the mystery of our faith on the Cross that led to Easter: when we look at Jesus Christ on His Cross, we see our own pains and agony as God’s pains and agony too. Jesus joined us in our anguish and death so that we could experience all the more his immense love for us. Without Jesus and his Cross, we would never be able to bear or even face the many deaths we go through daily. May we recognize God’s immense love for us again this afternoon when we venerate the cross and see it as the merging point of human and Divine suffering. Keep praying with Jesus who has the final say with death at Easter. Amen.

*This is an updated version of my Good Friday reflection last year.

“Ashes to Ashes” by Dennis Lambert (1972)

DSCF1487 — *Yehliu Geopark in Taiwan with “mushroom” rock formations at the background. Photo by the author, 30 January 2019.*

The Lord Is My Chef Sunday Music, 17 February 2019

Every year when Valentine’s comes, I only think of one song: Dennis Lambert’s “Of All the Things”. It is probably the ultimate love song of all time especially for us die-hard romantic Filipinos that even Sr. Bubbles Bandojo, rc covered it for a Jesuit CD of popular songs often sung in weddings in the country. No wonder, Dennis Lambert gained a cult following in the country for that song he released in 1972 from the album “Bags and Things”.

Another cut from that great album is “Ashes to Ashes” which I find as a perfect match for our gospel this Sunday about the Beatitudes preached by Jesus Christ during His sermon on the plain based on St. Luke’s gospel. In the Beatitudes, Jesus tells us true blessedness and happiness in following Him is being poor, hungry, weeping, and hated by others. They are paradoxical because they run directly against the values of the world and yet, we know deep in our hearts how they are very true! Life is not about having and amassing but giving and sharing. Dennis Lambert reminds us that in the end, we are all “ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” And there lies the great paradox in this life that Jesus has always reminded us, “Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses it will save it” (Lk.17:33). The saints who have followed the Lord knew it so well and lived it through as well as poets, writers and musicians like Lambert wrote about it too. A blessed Sunday to you!

Valentine’s Is Love and Death Together

DSCF1341 — *Lover’s Bridge in Tamsui Fisherman’s Wharf, New Taipei City, Taiwan opened on Feb. 14, 2003. Photo by author, 29 January 2019.*

Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 15 February 2019

I thought last year’s Valentine’s Day was the most interesting in recent years because February 14 fell on an Ash Wednesday, a beautiful juxtaposition of the secular and the sacred that both remind us of love and death. It happened again to me yesterday very early morning when I drove with my brother down south to visit a beloved aunt who is our late father’s favorite sister sick with Parkinson’s for the last seven years. It was the closest experience I ever had with the realities of love and death intimately related.

Unlike my previous visits to her in the last two years, the latest last January 03, Tita Neneng has always looked so sad and depressed with her situation, choosing to be left alone than be seen in her plight. She used to be bursting with life, so busy with her career and family that upon retirement, she spent it going almost everywhere especially to visit her children in the US. Yesterday, Tita Neneng was so different, almost like back to her old self as she smiled and talked a lot. Her face was radiant, exuding with her beauty that had captivated so many men until her 50’s! She was bubbling with joy as we reminisced the good old days when my father was still alive along with her older siblings, our many family reunions, and of course, our Lola Queta. After anointing her with Holy Oil for the Sick and giving her the Viaticum, she told me something that made me cry so hard after: “Father, I am ready.”

Of course, I knew what she meant but I had to lean close to her to ask her again what she just said. “Father, handa na ako mamatay,” she told me with a smile on her lips while her eyes lovingly looked at me. I asked her if she had told it to her husband, Tito Terry and she replied, “hindi pa.” I told her she must tell it to Tito Terry so he would also be ready. She then looked down, then faced me again and told me, “yung mga anak ko umaasa pa sa milagro. Ayaw pa nila ako payagan.” I looked at her and asked permission to inform her children in the States of her feeling ready.

She just smiled. And I cried. Very hard.

I had to excuse myself to run for some tissue in her bathroom as I could not contain myself crying and sobbing beside her. Once in a while, a lesson from our pastoral psychology crossed my mind that as a pastor or minister, I should not cry in front of a patient, but, what can I do? She’s my dearest aunt who had made me feel so loved and special even before I ever thought of becoming a priest in high school?!

Deep inside me, I also felt some joy amidst the sadness because I felt my Tita Neneng is indeed ready to go anytime soon because she was so composed without any tear in her eyes and always with that sweet smile on her lips. Before, Tita Neneng would always cry to me, begging me to pray that God would take her as she could not endure her sufferings anymore. That was before when she begged for death out of desperation as a way out of her pains and sickness. But yesterday, she simply told me she was ready to die maybe because she must have found her direction in life already.

Yesterday was actually a déjà vu for me, having experienced it before with my bestest friend from high school seminary, Gil who was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in January 2013. He would always cry to me whenever I would visit him, asking “why me” with the Big C? Seven months after undergoing surgery and some chemo treatment, his doctors gave up. It was time to face the inevitable as his cancer cells were so strongly active; but, surprisingly, my friend Gil accepted it gallantly, even with joy on his face! I visited him thrice on his final week before he died. And there I was, breaking into tears before him, crying like a child. A reversal of roles had suddenly happened with Gil assuring me with everything, explaining things I should know more as a priest. The most remarkable thing I have discovered with Gil as he approached death was the inner peace he head when he told me how he had forgiven his wife who had abandoned them, telling me how much he still loved her, vowing to keep his marital vows until his end!

The beloved disciple of Christ wrote, “No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us” (1Jn.4:12).

Have you ever noticed how when our loved ones were diagnosed with serious illness, they always cried to us while we tried to assure them that everything would be fine? Then, as our loved ones slowly embraced their mortality and faced death, we in turn cried before them who also assured us that everything would be fine? There seems to be a reversal of roles when our loved ones embrace death because their love has been perfected that they no longer fear anything at all. They must be so assured of where they are going to in life, unlike us who are still uncertain of what awaits us and that is why we cry when they go. We not only cry for them but we cry more for ourselves because we have not seen the bigger picture yet that we still love imperfectly. The great love stories of literature like Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” and Charles Dickens’ “A Tale of Two Cities” show us that death and love always go together not only for a beautiful story but precisely because death shows the depth of one’s love. It is in suffering and death love is perfected. A heart willing to suffer and die for another is the heart that truly loves. Though love is symbolized by the heart as we have it on Valentine’s day, love is best expressed by the Cross of Jesus Christ who showed us the way of true love. Coming to terms with life is coming to terms with death and vice versa. So, let us have Valentine’s day every day!