Quiet Storm by Fr. Nicanor F. Lalog II, 04 November 2024
Lately I have noticed my getting delayed of turning calendars in my room. Normally, I would be late for only a day or two but since June, it has sometimes taken even weeks. Worst was September when it was already about to end when I noticed my calendars stuck in August!
There are three calendars in my room: first is the large type given away by hardware stores located at the back of my entrance door which I could read from my bed with its big fonts; second is an average-sized religious calendar with pictures of saints and dates of their feast I keep in the closet so I would see every morning when I put on my clothes; and the third one is a table calendar on my desk where I work. That’s the only one updated and most used but the other two bigger ones, I fear are slowly becoming obsolete to me like the alarm clock (because I always wake up ahead of its alarm).
As I age, calendars along with watches seem to be irrelevant with me.
Personally, it is ironic because I have long kept a sort of relationship with calendars, keeping them along with some planners since college in the 1980’s. I don’t know why. Basta – I love looking at old calendars, giving me that sense of joy within when I literally look back in time, recalling the reminders and important events I have jotted on them decades ago.
But now, sadly as I recall this major change in me, I feel to have lost that “lovin’ feeling” I used to have with calendars that have been replaced, of all things, by medicines.
You read it right. I now reckon time, especially the months not with calendars anymore but with maintenance meds I take daily – 30 days – to keep my sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol in control as well as my prostrate to remain “gentle”. Once a week, usually on a Monday morning, I fill my medicine dispenser with all the meds I will be taking from Sunday to Saturday.
It always funny when I do this weekly ritual like playing sungka: there are times I wonder with some irritation why my meds are getting fewer. That is when I realize the month is almost over and I have to buy again another 30 pieces of my meds for the next 30 days. And that is how I now count the days of each month…
Whenever I would do this ritual, Mitch Albom’s novel “The Time Keeper” comes to mind, reminding me of the value of time we often take for granted. I cannot recall in which part of the novel where one of the characters realized that “the reason God limits our days is to make each one precious.” Very true. It is said that “it is not time that is passing by but you who are passing by” because we cannot bring back time we have wasted with its opportunities to grow and learn, to live and love, to celebrate and laugh.
Lately I have been thinking if I am just going through a phase as I approach the age of 60 that would be in March next year. Is this part of getting old, of maturing?
Most likely.
How funny, even stupid how we have kept ourselves busy all our lives, complaining about time when time has always been on our side.
Maybe one of the reasons why elder people mellow as they age is that we are no longer so concerned with time as something separate from us, divided into parts we try to gather and hold because the truth is, time is the reality itself, we are a being-in-time, not distinct from us nor apart, but always our wholeness. It does not really matter if it is the past or the future but always the here and the now, the present.
Time in its entirety is a cosmic reality within us which we cannot fully grasp yet. Not yet. That’s what we call heaven, which is already here but not yet. And achievable. Let me explain.
It seems to me that at the age of 59, our main task in life is to live fully in each moment. Though I would admit I am afraid of dying, death is something we must befriend. Coming to terms with life is coming to terms with death, and vice versa. When that happens, then, we have arrived truly in life. That’s heaven, Just in time. This we experience so well when we truly love as this anonymous saying tells us:
Time is fast for those who rush;
Time is slow for those who wait;
Time is not for those who love.
“Time is not for those who love” is what the Greeks refer to in their other word for time called kairos or “fullness of time”. It is the time of the Lord, when we are one with God in Jesus Christ. It is that moment when everything falls into its right places which I believe is what Paulo Coelho referred to in one of his novels “when the whole universe conspires in your favor.”
The other word for time by the Greeks is kronos from which the word chronology came from to refer to the the succession and measurement of time in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years; kairos is the fullness of time. Again, from Albom’s “The Time Keeper”, there is this line that says, “If you you are measuring life, you are not living it.” Same thing holds true with time; if we keep on measuring it, we shall never have it nor enjoy it.
Maybe you have chanced upon our blogs here of our great weekend three weeks ago in Nagsasa Cove, San Antonio, Zambales (https://lordmychef.com/2024/10/25/friday-im-in-love-part-2/ and https://lordmychef.com/2024/10/29/friday-im-in-love-part-3/). Until now, the weekend bonding and fun we have there has remained so fresh and refreshing for me.
While there in Nagsasa Cove, one of the songs that kept playing at the back of my mind was Steely Dan’s Time Out Of Mind from their 1980 album Gaucho. Despite the critics’ insistence of its strong links with heroin use which I have never tried, it is one of my top favorite songs by the Steely Dan gods, Donald Fagen and the late Walter Becker. Oh how I imagined them telling me this…
Son you better be ready for love
On this glory day
This is your chance to believe
What I've got to say
Keep your eyes on the sky
Put a dollar in the kitty
Don't the moon look pretty
Our world has become so complicated like Facebook. It is all palabas, a show. No meaning nor substance at all because we have been trying to capture and keep time instead of allowing it to capture us, envelop us so we can move more freely with it within to discover more of the outside. No stress, no pressures. No calendars too!
Just time out of mind. Thank you for bearing with me.
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